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Starting Counselling

ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 5,761 The Mix Elder
edited September 10 in Health & Wellbeing
So i didnt know id be start counselling until yesterday. With rape crisis. First one is on thurday and im really scared. I have been going to emotional support sessions with a volutter & that was every 2 weeks but i stopped it because it wasnt helpful for me. Counselling is every week. Emotional support was not time limited so thats why i choose emotional support. Counselling is up to 20 sessions. Which i guess is a lot anyway. And i think maybe counselling would be better know there is a time limit and i think maybe shed be more trained and less time inbetween to over think or feel less connected the next time i see her and id have a chance to say how id like to be supported since she will be aware that ive tried someone else and may ask me. Basically what i dont want is someone to assume things i do not want to talk about. I get scared the assume i dont want to speak about it because they dont want to. 
And also emotional support was less intense so i think thats why they suggested it. So now id feel more overwhelmed ???

but tbh idek if will help considering even if i do say what i want to - she will probably find ways to never speak about it again & lead it more to aviod disgusting words. 
I just feel so bad & really scared to see her as the first time i meet the voultter i knew i didnt feel comfortable in first few mins lol. So im scared of not feeling comfortable with her and then being stuck with 20 sessions. I doubt theyd find me another person again , plus theyd think i dont feel comfortable with anyone. And i know it will feel uncomfortable cause speaking about uncomfortable things. But yeah ive seen lots of health professionals & thats the only time ive actually changed cause i felt uncomfortable with the person so its unlikely.
I dont think even deserve support

And i am feeling so bad for the volutter im not seeing now. She could be happy shes not speaking to disgusting person now. But she may of taken it personally and wonder what shes doing wrong and rape crisis told her and im kinda upset i wont see her again cause she was nice just not working. & just ended without me speaking to her so I want to send her a message as i feel like maybe i should since i have her number and wish her all the best for the future but i have no idea how to word and not sure if anyone can help?
I've learnt two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completly different. 


  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Future musician Posts: 1,536 Postholic
    It's understandable that you're scared. You're strong and brave for going and for trying to get the right help <3 I hope things turn out well.

    I think a counsellor would have to be an easy-going person with the right training, so I doubt she's going to not want to or find ways to not speak about it.

    You really do deserve support and I don't see you as a disgusting person <3

    I think what I'd do with the message is just be honest, expressive and kind - I might say something like, "Hello [name], I feel bad about ending our sessions because you were really nice. It just wasn't working for me and I wanted to try something a bit different. I hope you know it's nothing to do with you. Just wanted to wish you the best for the future and say thank you, I'm really grateful for your kindness and help :)".
    When life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind - Linkin Park

    Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls, everytime that you lose it sing it for the world - MCR
  • Evelyn360Evelyn360 Posts: 52 Miniposter
    Hi @Shaunie, that's great that you are starting counselling. Its understandable that you have worries about how the sessions will go and opening up to a new person. You might find that the first one is more about them getting to know you and you could ask them so questions to make you feel more comfortable?

    Have you thought about writing down some of your concerns as well as a list of goals or particular areas of conversation you would like to cover before you meet as a starting point for your first session? For example you could say that with emotional support you've had before, you felt that there were some sensitive topics were avoided but actually those are the things that you want to talk about and discuss more in depth to help come to terms with but equally you do find it difficult to open up about those things? 

    You definitely deserve all the support available to you, you've come so far and its really brave and admirable of you to seek counselling to discuss how you're feeling  <3 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 5,761 The Mix Elder
    edited September 10
    Thank you both!! <3. I sent her basicaly what you said @Kathleen07 lol very helpful thank you!  She relied back and was such a lovely reply ! <3. So im feeling a lot bettter cause seemed genuine too

    yeah the first is getting to know her and on the phone she said would be different to the first time with the voluteer and more questions. I think maybe ask things they asked when i first referred with them like "what do hope to get out of this" and what not so hopeful can say. Its at 10. Hate them being this early. But will probs post on here after
    I've learnt two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completly different. 
  • JamJarJamJar Posts: 107 Moderator
    Hey @Shaunie ;

    Really great to hear that you chose to message your previous counsellor and that they replied with a lovely message. This world would continue to be a much better place to live in if people like yourself, who want to message people in a positive spirit, continue to do so :)

    And also I'd like to reiterate that you definitely do deserve the support that is currently being offered. So is your first session tomorrow morning or was it this morning?

    If it is tomorrow then really best of luck! And if it was today, how did it go? It sounded like even when you were having doubts in your first post the level of self-awareness you maintained means that youre hopefully going to really benefit from these sessions. And your most recent post seemed really progressive and confident so I hope it has/will gone/go well :) 

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 5,761 The Mix Elder

    thank you - it was today & just finshed. It was okay. Didnt feel uncomfortable with her. Was just uncomfortable with the situation so i guess thats okay. 

    Also going to sound really weird of me but had a idea of what she looked like because they only gave me her first name which is actually common but i still thought id google her name lol, put in my area and typed in "counselling" to see if i can find her (like i know counsellors have a web page for people who are looking for counsellors and has photo of themselves) and i only found one person with that name in the area and it was actually her lol. Sound like a right weirdo creep but dk rather know what people atleast look like before meeting them

    But it was okay. Just the usual asking questions and getting to know me start. The only thing that totally confused me was about how you have to be careful talking about what happened incase there was ever a court case or case went further she has notes. Like details of dates and stuff. And i just got comfused. Theres no court case so i can say stuff ? Um i need to tell someone. And why would it matter if there was a court case. Totally confused 
    I've learnt two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completly different. 
  • Evelyn360Evelyn360 Posts: 52 Miniposter
    Hi @Shaunie, I'm glad your first session went well and you didn't feel uncomfortable with your new councillor. It's completely understandable that the situation itself was slightly uncomfortable, you've done so well just by taking the step to show up. You should be really proud of yourself ! <3 

    I also Google people sometimes, especially if I have a job interview I'll have a look to see if I can find the person who will be interviewing me if possible. Its always nice to put a face to a name and I bet there are other people who have done it as well  :)

    With the confusion around what you can and cant say, it might be helpful next time you meet to ask them to clarify what they mean by this to make you feel more ease. Overall though, how are you feeling now that you've met your councillor and how the session has gone? You've taken a really positive step and we are always here for you as well  <3

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 5,761 The Mix Elder
    edited September 19
    Thank you! Forgot to asked! But anyways Had counselling this morning. It was okay. Went really quickly. Just finding about how to feel comfortable to be able to say the abuse. I was close but didnt. Whats also really hard is i feel like it takes a good few mins to feel comfortable in the room and by that time feel comfortable in the room its like half past and then im trying to say but cant then by that time got 10 mins left and cant say it when got 10 mins left because its too much of a big thing to say within 10 mins if any of that makes sense. So have thoughts away of trying to be comfortable around it and being mindful that cant say within the laSt few mins of it and somewhere near the start to say it first otherwsie gunna feel like shit. So going to try this next week. 

    Basically just her telling me shes not going say something to show shes judging me and then me saying wellll you aint gunna say what you think. And then her saying we will not even judge in her head and then me saying wellllll you dont know what i did yet to be able to say im not disgusting. And yeah that will forever go round in circles so i just need to say it. 

    I cant say wee or pee out loud. So i said i think i know a way to go around it and hopeful you can guess what happened and the words i dont want to say..... so basically i will say he locked me up in his house for three days (thats how far i got today). Then hopefully next week i can say he didnt let me go toilet.... and she can guess what happens after this right? Or would i need to say and then he forced me to do something ON him? Or maybe can guess? Then hopefully she can guess my triggers and well i bet shes gunna be too scared to use the words cause disgusting and i know thats gunna make me feel bad if shes hesitant to use the words too

    i think i just kinda wanna be vague details to say how affects me
    I've learnt two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completly different. 
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 5,761 The Mix Elder
    edited September 19
    But now think about it she was asking me what i told the police and if i can tell her. And seems like she doesnt want me to say more than what ive told to the police and i just dont understand cause no court case. Why need to be careful idek. This all happened no matter what or how i may or may of not said it. But yea asking me to tell her what i told to the police. Massive trigger. You do not want to know what i told the police. :'(And idc about it theres no investigaion. im not going to say how i said it to the police cause i didnt say it right to the police. :'(
    I've learnt two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completly different. 
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