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Moving on from sexual assault

starfish_17starfish_17 Posts: 226 Trailblazer
Hey Guys! 

I posted back in about April about a sexual assault that happened to me. I moved on from it and thought i was fine but it has recently been brought back up and made me think more about it. I didn't go to the police or anything but now i have a couple of people saying that its not too late if i want to and wanting me to see a doctor to speak to them about what happened for them to help me move on from it. 

I really dont know what to do and wondering if anyone has any advice?

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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,874 Extreme Poster
    Hey esme

    first so sorry for what you have been through. Having experienced multiple assaults of this nature I thought I could offer some points to think about

    - firstly it is completely your choice to report or not. Have you had any support yet? Rape crisis are really fab and your gp can advise also. 

    - if you do choose to report there are a few considerations. You need to know what it will mean to involve the police, having been through the process it is not an easy one. I had to do video evidence etc and then was told I wasn’t well enough mentally to go through it. Also bare in mind that if it was a while back and there is no evidence it can be tricky to get a conviction. Even with evidence it’s hard! All this isn’t to put you off, it is just to give you an insight into how hard and emotionally draining it can be especially if you go through the whole process and there is no conviction at the end. 

    - I decided on another assault not to report to police. I decided that it was better to seek support for what I went through and accessed therapy 

    what I am trying to say is either decision is fine and whatever you feel is best for you. Whichever you choose I would seek support though, especially as it is affecting you. I don’t know what difficulties in particular you are having but if you wanted to share a little more I have found some tips and tricks that have helped me that I can share. Also you can see your gp about it whether you report or not. There should also be a SARC (sexual assault referral centre) in your area that you can discuss with, they can support you and help you decide whether to contact police or not... and if you do they can help you through that. If you google “[your area] sarc” then you should be able to find their details. 

    Sending hugs and we sre here if you want to talk further xxx
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    Butterfly23Butterfly23 Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Hey 😊

    Personally, I haven’t been through trauma or assault although I understand how difficult it must be too talk about it so well done for sharing it here 💗

    Massive hugs, 

    Butterfly x
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    starfish_17starfish_17 Posts: 226 Trailblazer
    Hey! 

    Thanks for the reply, it was really helpful! 

    I havent really spoken to anyone about it yet. Only a couple of the adults at the club and thats it. It was one of them who said about going to the GP and that they would come with me if i wanted but im too scared and dont see how it will help me. 
    Thats one of the reasons i didnt go to the police at the start, because it would be my word against his and there was no evidence. It would be even harder now. I was wondering if i could unofficial speak to a police officer about it and for them to explain what would happen if i did report it but i dont know if that is possible or not.

    I didnt think i was having any issues about it until someone else spoke to me and i realised that im not really over it. Im now scared to get to know any guys because of what happened and its really annoying me that i push myself away from everyone.

    Thanks, Esme.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited August 2019
    Hey,

    its really hard when this happens - we can think moved forward for it to feel overwhelming again.  its Good you're thinking ahead about what's best for you and you're in control now and have the chioce of what you wanna do with that and either chioce is fine and deserve support if you feel you need it. Going to your gp may help as they may be able to referer you to somewhere else where speaking about what happened may help you make sense of your thoughts aswell as being less alone in your head with it - if that make sense. But seeking that help is also your choice too. :)

    It is possible you can speak to the police unofficially about it. I've reported sexual abuse to the police but I didn't go done the route of investinigations because after speaking about it - I felt like it was right to focus on myself rather than doing that. A sexual voilence adviser also helped me with that - thinking about the process and how that will make me feel. But they do have a recording of what I told them for if someone else reports him it could help more. And I guess same could be for you - it may just help you knowing you've told the police and you've kinda like put it onto someone else who's responsible for that without it going much further if that makes sense - and they can be more aware of that crime happening there - if that's something you're interested in going to the police about too. There are also a few chairites that can help with speaking with you on a 121 about what the process would be like - and they don't pressure you at all but only give you the space to help you to think of What you'd like to do

    <3
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    starfish_17starfish_17 Posts: 226 Trailblazer
    Hey @Shaunie

    I kind of do want to speak to the GP about it but at the same time i dont want to be pressured into speaking to others and i know when im there if they offer anything ill just go along with it and say yes even if i dont want to. 

    Do you know how i would i go about talking to the police unofficially about it? Would i just go to a station or something or is it someone else to go to at a hospital or something? Do you have the details of any of the charities at all?
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    edited August 2019
    Heyy! 
    I hear you. Sometimes can be hard to say no and just go along with advice/suggestions. They never pressure anything and talk through what you'd find best helpful 

    And im not completly sure on how you'd go and talk to the police unoffcially about it. - I spoke with the police because they was there when I tried to kill myself and they asked if there's anything that I wanted to speak to them about so I did and arranged to see them again through emails.  But I'm not sure on how people usually do it. I think going to police satation would work or you could ring 101 (none emergency police) and they could maybe advise you. How would you feel doing any of those options?

    ive seen sexual voilence adviser with rape crisis 
    https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

    SARC also do them I think (not tried it properly)  tho I have rang their helpline once and they gave me a phone number for my local place to where I can ask for support - but didn't do it cause I'm still with rape crisis I just rang it because I thought could speak about how felt not referral stuff. 
    https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/sarc

    and this link may also help you
    https://www.itv.com/thismorning/rape-helplines
    Its a link for helpline but it's also saying all the support charities: services for sexual assault that offer more than the helpline

    sending hugs <3 x
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,874 Extreme Poster
    I don’t know exactly but just wanted to warn you that the police arrested my rapist even though I withdrew my allegation. 
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,851 Extreme Poster
    Hey Esme :)

    Sorry to hear that - it's not an easy matter to deal with, even given time. 

    What those people have said makes sense. From a legal point of view, someone has committed a crime against you, and so reporting it not only ensures that the criminal is punished and deters them from hurting someone else, but also gives you some closure that it has been resolved in some aspect. And the idea of going to the doctor is also helpful - sometimes going to police feels a little intimidating to some, so going to a doctor feels more facilitating, if that makes sense.

    What you do next is a choice that only you can make, but one that might have implications for the future. Those that said that you can still go to the police are right that it's not too late to report it, but be aware that you may be asked why you've waited until now to bring it up (they ask in case you might have been in a situation that prevented you from speaking to anyone about it). If you decide to say nothing and deal with it by yourself, be aware that it may arise again in future if not dealt with properly. There's also the option of speaking to a counsellor, whether you report it or not, to find a way to process the situation and find a way to manage it emotionally. 

    Whatever you do, you're not alone. We're here to support you, whatever course of action you decide to takex

    Much love <3
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    starfish_17starfish_17 Posts: 226 Trailblazer
    Hi @Shaunie
    Thanks for the links, ill check them out and see what happens from there. 
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    starfish_17starfish_17 Posts: 226 Trailblazer
    Thanks @Azziman

    I just dont want to tell someone like a doctor and then them make me report it to the police. If i go to the police i want it to be my own choice and not because i was made to. I think thats half the reason im scared to talk to someone.

    I guess i have a lot of deciding of what i want to do. 
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    One-in-a-millionOne-in-a-million Posts: 599 Incredible Poster
    Esme17 said:
    Thanks @Azziman

    I just dont want to tell someone like a doctor and then them make me report it to the police. If i go to the police i want it to be my own choice and not because i was made to. I think thats half the reason im scared to talk to someone.

    I guess i have a lot of deciding of what i want to do. 
    I just want to say that no one can make you report it to the police nor can anyone report it for you without your consent unless you are under age.

    reporting a sexual assault can be hard and it’s totally up to you wether you decide to report it or not. You can also seek help with thing like counselling, they can help you and again they are not allowed to report it nor are they allowed to tell anyone as this is confidential.

    hope you’re ok
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