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How do you know if youre leading someone on?

SiobhanSiobhan Posts: 14,450 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
edited May 2019 in Sex & Relationships

I have been excused of leading guys on which i dont get how. 

So im confused on if this is leading someone on or not. 
A guy i know asked me if i want to go cinema with him and i said yeah. So we are going. I like him  - only as a friend. (Well tbh i barely know him- i meet him in spar loll & see him reguarly in there cause he works there and added me on facebook some how found my name & didnt say. Mutural friends i guess) Anyway So is saying yes too much or not? Cause its not like he said he likes me. Its just general so not leading him on ?  Why should i flatter myself thinking he means more than a friend because if was a girl i wouldnt so i dont understand. But people would say its leading. Im just seeking friends. Not relationship. 

“ i think that deep down you still think life is worth living. It’s no where near over for you. You’re in pain. The thing you lost, Is the same thing that can stop that pain”
ValerialettoLaine

Comments

  • ValerialettoValerialetto Posts: 87 Budding Regular
    Hello @Shaunie,

    Look our mind really plays a lot of games with us and makes us worry too much  :) He just offered you to go to the cinema without any other hints or questions, so you just agreed to go to the cinema that's all. In case if he had smth else in mind he would tell you that and if you do not like/ want it you just tell it to him. Partners as well as just friends can go to the cinema together so you just know that you go there as a friend  :) Do not be too preoccuiped with that  :3
  • Han93Han93 EnglandPosts: 309 The Mix Regular

    Hi @Shaunie

    It doesn't sound like you're leading him on to me - I have a couple of guy friends that I go to the cinema with or to dinner with but it's just as friends. If you are a bit worried maybe you could just drop a hint that you're going as friends or you could invite some of your other friends to come too so you're going as a group?


  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Community Champion Posts: 1,270 Wise Owl
    Hey :)

    I'd think that leading someone on would need an intent to deceive, but I don't think that's happening here!x

    Much love <3
  • SophiASophiA Posts: 59 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hey @Shaunie

    i dont think you have lead him on at all, he hasn’t said he likes you in any other way than just friends and like you said you barely know him, you are both young and enjoying life, if you both enjoy each other’s company then there is no reason you shouldn’t go!

    Although if you were worried about it turning in to more than a friends date and didn’t want it to, personally i would make sure payment is split equally (abit old fashioned view I know but when on a date if the boy is trying to impress/ get the girl, they try/ offer to pay so by saying you will pay, i feel as though it stops abit of romance) also could invite a couple of friends and get him to invite some of his, this can help prevent any awkward silences and makes it more relaxed and less like a date.

    also if you are worried about leading him on its always good to just be really open with him and telling him exactly how you are feeling, whether you want it to be just be friends or whether you don’t know how you are feeling about him yet and just want to take things slow. 

    I think you would only be leading him on if he said to you that he likes you and you told him that you felt the same and then a couple of weeks later said that actually you didn’t. 
  • chubbydumplingchubbydumpling DurhamPosts: 487
    Hey @Shaunie

    It doesn't sound like you're leading him on to me. There's absolutely no reason why men and women can't be just friends. If he thinks it's more than that, and expresses as such, be clear with him about your intentions. Other than that, I don't see anything wrong with going to the cinema with him.

    I hope you have a nice time <3
  • SiobhanSiobhan Posts: 14,450 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited May 2019
    Thank you all. But he did say he will pay for me. So i don’t know if thats makes your answers any different lol. Probably not.  I said no and he said he will be. 
    “ i think that deep down you still think life is worth living. It’s no where near over for you. You’re in pain. The thing you lost, Is the same thing that can stop that pain”
  • alice123alice123 Posts: 88 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    edited June 2019
    Hi @Shaunie

    I agree with the previous commenters! There's no reason you can't go as friends. I was wondering who accused you of leading him on? Did that come from him or others? 

    If you felt uncomfortable with him paying you could offer again? But if he has said that you don't have to then it's totally your call. If he pays, it doesn't mean you are leading him on and it doesn't mean that you are obliged for anything to go further if he makes a romantic move - you can always say no. However, it could be nothing more than a kind gesture. 

    I would suggest going into it having thought about what you're comfortable with if possible - if this is friendship that's fine! At least that way you will be naturally giving off signals that you're not after more than a friendship and if you find you need to, you could just tell him that upfront. 

    Enjoy yourself! What film are you going to see? 
    chubbydumpling
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 1,058 Wise Owl
    Hi @Shaunie

    I have been in a very similar situation so I hope I can help. I made friends with a guy when I was in sixth form and I absolutely loved spending time with him, but purely as one of my best friends. I then got accused of leading him on, when actually I was making friends with him just as much as I would my girl friends. I too didn't understand why, and found it frustrating. From my experience I would say don't worry what other people think and focus on your friendship. If he ever begins to indicate a romantic relationship then you can address that then (communication is so important in platonic or romantic relationships), however for now I really wouldn't worry. 

    In terms of the paying for you thing, it really depends how comfortable you are with that. Sometimes my friend that I just described would offer to get me lunch during lunch break or something like that, and I dealt with that by returning the favour - so it was a nice balance :smile: 

    Overall I think communication between you and him will be the most important thing of all. It is completely okay to be friends and that does not mean you are leading him on - just pay attention to how he may be acting and don't worry what anybody else thinks :smile: Good luck!
    chubbydumpling
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,269 Skive's The Limit
    If a guy who barely knows you asks if you want to go to the cinema it's more than likely because he is interested in you romantically.
    If you were to accept you should probably do so with the caveat that it's only as friends, which is itself a rather awkward conversation 
    Weekender Offender 
  • SophiASophiA Posts: 59 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    @Shaunie if he wants to pay for you then that’s not a bad thing, but i would definitely try slip in somewhere that ‘just friends’ convo, i know can very awkward but would benefit both of you in the long run as then he cant accuse you of leading him on and you wouldnt feel bad for anything. 
    You could also offer for paying for something else, if you chose to hang out again you could pay next time or you could offer to pay for the snacks or something? 
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