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I failed, and now I can't work properly

Hey! This is probably in the wrong forum btw.

So I had "important" exams a few weeks ago and I am starting to get my marks back. I did, fine, no. I did good compared to other people, but I don't feel like it's good, at all. For example, I got a 100%, a 99% which are really good but now I got a 70 and 75% where the average grade was about 62%. I'm just academicaly very demanding to myself, I sometimes think that that's basically the only thing I'm good at, getting good grades. Grades are worthless. So now my average is about 85% which is good but it never feels like it's enough. I want to do medecine so I must say every "bad" grade for me is extremely frustrating even though colleges don't look at this year's grades, so really it's useless pain. But if I can't do it now I will never do it later. So yeah, I just hate myself every time, so I get my expectations higher, so I disapoint myself again, and now I have a ton of homework, and I can't do it. I should be doing my homework instead of writing this. I feel so weak, and as a tea addict I can't work without good tea and all I have left is some very very bad tea, even with sugar it's bad! I just took a shower but still can't concentrate, I don't know what to do, it's such a pain, both on the short and long term I feel like I can't bare academic failure. I dont know what to do, and again I'll regret posting this tomorrow (Hi future me).

Have a good day everyone, I love you <3
“You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.” 
-Hayao Miyazaki
Kathleen07

Comments

  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,865 Postholic

    This does sound unpleasant, I'm sorry x

    For what it's worth... It sounds like you're doing fab at the grades. And I truly believe you'll be able to do it later. Treat yourself to a cookie! *high five*

    It does sound like you have high expectations of yourself. We're here if you want to talk about the feelings behind this further, and I hope posting this was of some relief.

    It sounds silly, but sometimes when I can't concentrate, listening to music can help. Also just taking a break. I hope you were able to focus in the end.

    <3


  • AzzimanAzziman The Mix convert Posts: 571 Extreme Poster
    Hey :)

    It sounds like you consider yourself a high-achiever for sure, and that's okay! But from what you're describing, it sounds somewhat like perfectionism. No mark is good enough, and you punish yourself for it, even if it doesn't mean anything? That's not a healthy relationship with achievement. Of course you should aim high, but punishing yourself for achieving what is objectively still a strong result means that you are defining your self-worth based on these results, and that isn't healthy at all.

    I can relate to what you're going through - I was in this position before, until I learned to realise that taking such a dramatic approach was negatively affecting other parts of my life, and that trying to define yourself on these marks is not helpful at allx

    Much love <3
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