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Sex Therapy

SkyeIsNotTheLimitSkyeIsNotTheLimit Posts: 86 Budding Regular
in Sex & Relationships
Hey, 
This is embarrassing for me, but basically, I'm having a few problems. I'm finding it difficult to find a male and every time a guy is nice to me, I instantly grow attached to them and usually it's inappropriate  (they're older; in relationships or manipulative). Also, I find any form of penetration or sexual stimulation practically impossible

I'm trying to find myself a counsellor or psychotherapist but I'm so embarrassed. Help?
I told her once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent

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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @SkyeIsNotTheLimit

    No worries, that's what we are here for, hopefully can help point you in the right direction! Have you tried https://www.relate.org.uk/ ? They have a free live chat service so maybe that will help? Let us know how you get on. 

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,500 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy

    SkyeIsNotTheLimit said:
     Also, I find any form of penetration or sexual stimulation practically impossible
    Do you think thats mentally or physically?  
    Its always good to think about why we do things to then think about how we can help ourselves and find alternative ways to approach things

    @Lucy307 mentioned you could try relate. But i think you have to pay for their sex therapy and think sex therapy is more something have to pay for anyways. Would you be willing to do that ?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SkyeIsNotTheLimitSkyeIsNotTheLimit Posts: 86 Budding Regular
    Thanks you two <3 I've checked out Relate and there's one local to me so when I get some free time I'm going to visit.

    As for therapy, you're right @Shaunie it is costly. I think I'm okay with it though, I'm really struggling with these loss of feelings and inability to cope with sexual things. Work is getting harder for me because I'm finding myself attracted to my colleague despite it being inappropriate.

    When I find a place I will let you all know!
    I told her once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent
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    LaineLaine Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Hey Skye just wanted to check in :)

    Keep us updated when you've found a place x

    I'm sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment, have you talked to anyone about these feelings? 

    While a trained sex therapist/counsellor is best for these struggles you can still talk to a regular counsellor or even your GP if you need to x


    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
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    SkyeIsNotTheLimitSkyeIsNotTheLimit Posts: 86 Budding Regular
    Hi @Laine

    Thank you for your kind words. I've not told anyone about any of this. I feel so ashamed and stupid that I can't form relationships with men or touch myself. 

    I called a therapist today and I'm starting sessions in a few weeks. I'll have to pay but it's too expensive luckily.

    I'm seeing a male therapist so hopefully that helps me form positive male relationships although I'm scared I'll just fall into a cycle
    I told her once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent
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    LaineLaine Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Its good to hear you will be starting some sessions soon :)

    I can understand you feel ashamed/stupid and honestly i sympathise.

    when i was struggling with my sex condition it made me feel broken and i was way too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it but honestly, we're all worthy of support and no problem is too small x

    we're all here to listen and we will do so without judging <3

    Its understandable to worry about falling into a cycle but he will be able to help with that don't worry x

    🌈Positive thoughts🌈

    "This is my family. I found it, all on my own.
    It's little, and Broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good." ~ Stitch

    "Lately, I've been struggling with all the simple things in my life" ~ Cian Ducrot

    "I don't know if it's because my heart hurts or I'm insecure" ~ Juice Wrld
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    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,858 Extreme Poster
    Hey Skye!

    Glad to hear you'll be starting sessions soon!x

    Just a thought, but I wonder if you're in a cycle that needs breaking? On the surface, it'd look like you're almost desperate to find someone. When you find them, your want for attention and excitement comes across as intense, which is unsustainable and drives them away. Effectively, it becomes an erratic cycle of longer periods of isolation broken by short bursts of intense emotion, driven by fear of being isolated and desperation.

    Reason I say this is because what you're describing happened in a similar way to someone I know, and once they were able to break that cycle they were able to start having more stable, long-term relationships - just thought it was worth raising the thoughtx

    Much love <3
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    SkyeIsNotTheLimitSkyeIsNotTheLimit Posts: 86 Budding Regular
    Azziman said:
    Hey Skye!

    Glad to hear you'll be starting sessions soon!x

    Just a thought, but I wonder if you're in a cycle that needs breaking? On the surface, it'd look like you're almost desperate to find someone. When you find them, your want for attention and excitement comes across as intense, which is unsustainable and drives them away. Effectively, it becomes an erratic cycle of longer periods of isolation broken by short bursts of intense emotion, driven by fear of being isolated and desperation.

    Reason I say this is because what you're describing happened in a similar way to someone I know, and once they were able to break that cycle they were able to start having more stable, long-term relationships - just thought it was worth raising the thoughtx

    Much love <3
    Oh wow @Azziman I think that's the closest I've ever felt understood. I used to be extremely desperate a few years ago when my mental health deteriorated but I've honestly been a lot better now.

    I have BPD so a lot of these feelings interlink with each other. I'm really trying to break the cycle with men so hopefully therapy will help. I genuinely just want to befriend a male.
    I told her once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent
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    SkyeIsNotTheLimitSkyeIsNotTheLimit Posts: 86 Budding Regular
    Had my first therapy session and it was both intense and awkward. Now I just want to sleep.
    I told her once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent
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