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Post of the month - October
TheMix
Posts: 3,130 Boards Guru
Hey everyone,
It's November already! This means it's time to vote on a Post of the Month winner for October
Here are the nominees:
1. @Aidan 's reply in 'Can I ask you guys a Question?'
2. @Past User 's reply in 'help...'
3. @Shaunie 's reply in 'Hurt'
4. @Jawface 's reply in 'Struggling so much'
You can vote below!
Keep a look out for posts to nominate. You can nominate a post by flagging it, selecting Report, and then choosing 'Post of the Month nomination' as the reason.
- Aife
It's November already! This means it's time to vote on a Post of the Month winner for October
Here are the nominees:
1. @Aidan 's reply in 'Can I ask you guys a Question?'
I'm male so I hope I can give a bit of insight with my experiences.
Men don't seek help as often as women do for mental health issues, even though they are just as likely to have them, and many times more likely to successfully end their life than a woman.
I didn't seek help for a long time mainly due to thinking it was usual to feel the way I felt because I hadn't talked to someone about my feelings- that's a very male thing I find, but also because of the suppression everyone goes through during school. My individuality and my voice were crushed during school by unfeeling peers and out-of-touch teachers and there was no way I could say anything, and the story sadly is the same for most people in most schools.
I was very arrogant as well, convinced I was fine and unwilling to get help because it showed weakness. In the end, my arrogance is what actually helped me- my experience of counselling was that it was patronising and "filler" before I could get actual help, but actual help never came so I faked being fine, the counselling stopped and I helped myself in my own time instead.
In the end it was myself, and not anyone else, that helped me. And I suspect most men feel that there isn't an issue they can't tackle themselves including mental ones.
There's still much improvement to be made in terms of how those who have had a mental health issue are treated, for example education may be missed and this will have to be paid for when retaken as an adult after treatment, jobs aren't accomodating, and most mental issues even when treated make someone exempt from military service for life, especially when self harm is involved. I lost many friends through my recovery. These are a few examples, and more reason men don't come out with their mental health problems.
Tl;dr
Men:
1) don't talk about their feelings
2) are suppressed in school/college as are women
3) are less likely to admit a problem
4) are less likely to acknowledge a problem
5) tend to think they can solve their own problems alone
6) don't find current counselling techniques useful because of reasons 1, 3, 4 and 5
7) are discriminated against for having had a mental health issue
I am okay with this being shared, as long as it is used in context and anonymity is respected. I hope this has helped (:
Aidan
Men don't seek help as often as women do for mental health issues, even though they are just as likely to have them, and many times more likely to successfully end their life than a woman.
I didn't seek help for a long time mainly due to thinking it was usual to feel the way I felt because I hadn't talked to someone about my feelings- that's a very male thing I find, but also because of the suppression everyone goes through during school. My individuality and my voice were crushed during school by unfeeling peers and out-of-touch teachers and there was no way I could say anything, and the story sadly is the same for most people in most schools.
I was very arrogant as well, convinced I was fine and unwilling to get help because it showed weakness. In the end, my arrogance is what actually helped me- my experience of counselling was that it was patronising and "filler" before I could get actual help, but actual help never came so I faked being fine, the counselling stopped and I helped myself in my own time instead.
In the end it was myself, and not anyone else, that helped me. And I suspect most men feel that there isn't an issue they can't tackle themselves including mental ones.
There's still much improvement to be made in terms of how those who have had a mental health issue are treated, for example education may be missed and this will have to be paid for when retaken as an adult after treatment, jobs aren't accomodating, and most mental issues even when treated make someone exempt from military service for life, especially when self harm is involved. I lost many friends through my recovery. These are a few examples, and more reason men don't come out with their mental health problems.
Tl;dr
Men:
1) don't talk about their feelings
2) are suppressed in school/college as are women
3) are less likely to admit a problem
4) are less likely to acknowledge a problem
5) tend to think they can solve their own problems alone
6) don't find current counselling techniques useful because of reasons 1, 3, 4 and 5
7) are discriminated against for having had a mental health issue
I am okay with this being shared, as long as it is used in context and anonymity is respected. I hope this has helped (:
Aidan
2. @Past User 's reply in 'help...'
Heey Hannah, im sorry you're going through such a tough time 
Have you tried speaking to your friends about how you feel? you say they wouldn't care, but if theyre your friends they will care.
I used to have the same mindset, but with time I became more confident within myself and I realized everything I was doing to try make myself 'look better' was only destroying me. Beauty comes from within. yeah your friends might have guys chasing them, but looks only get people so far, if you want a lasting relationship just be who you are, cause that's what people are looking for.
something else I have learnt is you're never going to be happy if you stay in bed all the time, yeahh sometimes it's needed, but you need to fill your life with things you enjoy, try taking up a new hobby or something to fill your time, it's also a good way to meet others who have the same interest as you
Have you ever spoken to someone about the way you feel? maybe its an option? just to get that little bit extra support aswell
Hope things start looking up for you soon
Have you tried speaking to your friends about how you feel? you say they wouldn't care, but if theyre your friends they will care.
I used to have the same mindset, but with time I became more confident within myself and I realized everything I was doing to try make myself 'look better' was only destroying me. Beauty comes from within. yeah your friends might have guys chasing them, but looks only get people so far, if you want a lasting relationship just be who you are, cause that's what people are looking for.
something else I have learnt is you're never going to be happy if you stay in bed all the time, yeahh sometimes it's needed, but you need to fill your life with things you enjoy, try taking up a new hobby or something to fill your time, it's also a good way to meet others who have the same interest as you
Have you ever spoken to someone about the way you feel? maybe its an option? just to get that little bit extra support aswell
Hope things start looking up for you soon
3. @Shaunie 's reply in 'Hurt'
Hey, welcome
I can relate & i wish i had good advice for this.
Hope soemone else comments.
But i hear you & how isolating yousrelf & shutting down from others can feel so disconnected. Its really hard & painfuly lonely.I shut myself down fron others too. And i guess is about trying to find the right balance. Like it is okay to even want to spend time with certain people in small doses if you feel their personality is overwhelming & draining or v negative. — I personally find spending some time by myself, from some people, & recharge muself -to then sometimes want to be with others.
And Is okay to be alone & in own space but to some extent-we are all naturally socialable. —So Think is important to find out things like- how is ‘everyone hurting you’ & what you fear so much. For me i feel literally i am distant because people hurt me, people leave, or do something that hurts. But what is more painful is Lonlieness. And even though i know being by myself is horrible, some how it just seems easier & protecting myself but reality is it hurts & isnt & think is cause i have no energy aswell & probably cause i have depression & social anxiety.
Im sorry youre hurting so much:(But Im glad you have posted here, don't keep that heavy stuff bottled up. Have you got anyone you trust you can talk to this about; family, friend or even gp? Hope you know youre not completly alone. It feels so lonely but ironically not alone with how youre feeling & there are people who wanna help & care.
I hope youre feeling okay today
4. @Jawface 's reply in 'Struggling so much'
Aww that's really expensive 
have you tried train fare splitting to make it cheaper (not sure if I can post links here so you can just google it) or seeing if there are coach routes available? If you're really missing home then I hope you can talk to your dad and sister on the phone/through messaging, that might make things easier.
If you're able to learn properly without having to go to lectures then doing that could make things easier for you! It can take a while to figure out what the best way for you to learn is, and there's nothing wrong with that.
At the moment it's probably best to just think about one thing at a time - you have plenty of time until your January exams, so if you can, just focus on your exam next week for now. No one gets exams right the first time, it can take a while before you know how exactly to revise and perform on the day but again there's nothing wrong with that! It took me ages to figure out how to approach revising and answering exam questions; in my first year I got a 2:2 but in my second year I got a high 1st! Even if this exam does go badly, you'll be able to find out how exactly you can improve, and put that effort towards your January exams
It's great that you're meeting your academic mentor. It might help if you could make a list of the things you'd like to say before you meet her, you don't need to memorise exactly how you're going to phrase things but if you prepare for your meeting then you might find it easier to talk to her. I'm sure that if you just started by telling her that you're having some issues, she would be able to ask you questions to find out what exactly is going on. Also even if you don't manage to tell her what's going on, you could still email her afterwards or arrange another meeting. I'm impressed that you managed to articulate your situation through writing so I have faith that you'll be able to do the same in your meeting too!
I'm always happy to discuss any of this further! I've had quite a lot of issues at uni both academic and non-academic, and I can tell you that things can get better
have you tried train fare splitting to make it cheaper (not sure if I can post links here so you can just google it) or seeing if there are coach routes available? If you're really missing home then I hope you can talk to your dad and sister on the phone/through messaging, that might make things easier.If you're able to learn properly without having to go to lectures then doing that could make things easier for you! It can take a while to figure out what the best way for you to learn is, and there's nothing wrong with that.
At the moment it's probably best to just think about one thing at a time - you have plenty of time until your January exams, so if you can, just focus on your exam next week for now. No one gets exams right the first time, it can take a while before you know how exactly to revise and perform on the day but again there's nothing wrong with that! It took me ages to figure out how to approach revising and answering exam questions; in my first year I got a 2:2 but in my second year I got a high 1st! Even if this exam does go badly, you'll be able to find out how exactly you can improve, and put that effort towards your January exams
It's great that you're meeting your academic mentor. It might help if you could make a list of the things you'd like to say before you meet her, you don't need to memorise exactly how you're going to phrase things but if you prepare for your meeting then you might find it easier to talk to her. I'm sure that if you just started by telling her that you're having some issues, she would be able to ask you questions to find out what exactly is going on. Also even if you don't manage to tell her what's going on, you could still email her afterwards or arrange another meeting. I'm impressed that you managed to articulate your situation through writing so I have faith that you'll be able to do the same in your meeting too!
I'm always happy to discuss any of this further! I've had quite a lot of issues at uni both academic and non-academic, and I can tell you that things can get better
You can vote below!
Keep a look out for posts to nominate. You can nominate a post by flagging it, selecting Report, and then choosing 'Post of the Month nomination' as the reason.
- Aife
Post of the month - October 10 votes
Aidan
30%
3 votes
Bubblesgoesboo
0%
0 votes
Shaunie
70%
7 votes
Jawface
0%
0 votes
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- Aife