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Maytree/suicidal feelings (TW)

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    Shaunie said:
    Edit - Deleted

    thanks labrabell
    No problem @Shaunie. But it was all from the heart, no need to thank me :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    Heya @Shaunie,

    It's incredible how strong the human imagination is isn't it. One message and you were thrown back to that classroom discussion. Do you often think about that specific classroom incident or was this a bit of a one-off? 

    Sounds like you are being extremely brave throughout this whole process and as much as you may be self-critical you really needn't be. I was wondering whether you slept better today in comparison to yesterday? Sleep can be so refreshing when it's achieved, but it can also be so tortuous when it evades us. I really hope you are sleeping better :) 

    Was your friend OK when you messaged saying you couldn't get the bus with her? Please do keep posting on these boards because we all care about you and you never have to go through anything alone. <3

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    edited November 2018
    Thank you. But you should not be kind to scum. https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/3593249/hi-i-am-disgusting-scum-liar-and-racist#latest
     No dont usualy. 

    & im Not okay.  Not sleeping any better think making me mad. 
    & she waslovely when messaged her


    i think i need to stop using this site or get banned my CC tells me maybe i shouldnt use it. She must not of said it becausw not helpfull. Because it is helpful. She meant i am a burden

    i am so sorry. 

    I am so sad. But sadly safe
    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    edited November 2018
    Apologies - This comment turned out much longer than I expected it to!

    @Shaunie believe me, you aren't a burden. And you aren't scum. Reading through that discussion, I've found out a couple things that I didn't know about you. And it makes me so sad to hear that you've been through so much. You don't deserve it, not at all, and in no way does anything you've done make you scum. 

    Sometimes when you've been through a lot, you exaggerate things to make them seem closer to the emotional strain they've had on you. I'm guilty of this myself. And for quite a long time, I regretted doing what I did too. But when I confessed about it to my friend, instead of the negative reaction I was expecting (And kind of hoping for - I thought I deserved that reaction), he told me that it's okay, that the fact that I regretted doing it so badly, regretted it all to the point that I thought I deserved to die, was exactly the reason why it was okay. I didn't understand at first, but now I know what he meant. He meant that everyone does things they shouldn't have. Everyone. But not everyone cares that what they did was wrong. Showing that you understand what you did, that you regret doing it, makes you so much better a person than others. And in my opinion, being able to bring yourself so far as to admit that you were wrong, makes you a better person even than someone with a clean record. If that makes sense. 

    What he did to you, you had no choice in the matter. The fact that he forced you to the point that you couldnt breathe shows me that straight away. You are in no way scum because of what happened, because you didn't have a choice. If somebody came to you, and drew crude drawings on your arm while you were asleep, without giving them a reason, would you blame yourself? This is an idea that's kept me going for these past 5 years. It wasn't your fault at all. 

    For the struggles sleeping, I know this link has some good tips on different sleeping problems. 

    From personal experience, I found that listening to music that I like helps to calm me down enough to sleep, even if that music is often screamo and heavy metal :sweat_smile:

    If you have a lot of thoughts running through your head, writing them down on a piece of paper can help you to clear them out. Committing them to paper lets you forget about them for the time being, as your brain sort of thinks "It's on paper, I won't forget that now" and lets it go. 

    Alternatively my message box is always open. I run on a "Sleep when I need it" basis, so for all you know I might still be awake at the time. Otherwise I'll answer when I'm around next. You can tell me anything you want to, and you can be as detailed as you like. I don't trigger easily, and in the rare event I did I would just take a break before answering. I found sometimes that just talking through what happened to me in detail can help to diffuse some of the horrible feelings that build up, so if you need to talk about that then I'm here too. If it makes you more comfortable I can tell you some of my own experiences too, so it's more of an information trade than anything :tongue:

    You're immensely strong, to be able to continue fighting against your demons even while you feel so useless. You're stronger than I could ever be, on that front. I've come to care for you a lot in the short time I've known you, because you remind me so much of myself sometimes that it hurts. And that's not a bad thing, just so you know. You seem to be able to voice the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis; the only difference being I usually suppress mine for one reason or another. 

    I know I keep saying it, but I'll say it again until you tell me to stop. You're like a big sister to me, so I'm happy to be here for you with anything. You don't deserve to feel like you're a burden; you're a beautiful, strong, intelligent young woman and you deserve to be treated as such. 

    And let me just put emphasis on beautiful too. I love the new profile pic, and I'm astounded by how gorgeous you are! I lost interest in my image when I was attacked, and I'm only just getting that vanity back, so to see someone who's been through so much and yet still looks amazing is incredibly inspiring :)
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you so much @LabraBell though i dont have much to say now i feel got a lot of my chest ah. But still wnated to reply & say i heard everythin you said & thank you. 
    & i hope youre okay. 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 203 Trailblazer
    @shaunie it's no problem, I'm finding its helping me out a whole lot to be able to support you too. I don't know how, but its a good thing anyway :sweat_smile:

    That kind of response though, right now is what I live for. As far as I'm concerned it's giving me a reason to live to know I'm helping :D

    As for me, I'm doing alright. As far as I can see I'm getting to the first step of recovery on my side. I'm just hoping it stays that way lol
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