We're currently updating and consolidating our community guidelines, so you might see a few changes and things being moved to more relevant places. We're not changing how things currently work, just making sure what's written is accurate and up to date.

Not sure i can do uni.

Esme17Esme17 Posts: 201 The Mix convert

Hey. 

I really dont know what to do about uni. Im finding it so so hard at the moment. Its been exactly a week since my dad dropped me off and i have been okay for most of the week but im really struggling today. I feel that everyone else has met loads of people and made friends and i havent really. There are a few girls i get on well with and one of them has been really helping me by like carrying my laundry and shopping bags for me but then she is in a different flat and i feel bad keeping asking her if she wants to do something cause she is friends with her flat mates and they all do things. My flat mates are all really nice and like me, they also dont go out much. I like that because i dont feel bad for staying in and feel pressured to go out but then at the same time i dont feel we are as close as other flats are so i feel more lonely. Other flats in my halls are making jokes about how shit my flat is and how they are glad they arent in it and i know its not aimed at me but its still upsetting me. 

Im really annoyed at myself because i cant do anything with my foot and everyone has went to the beach tonight for a fire and food but i couldnt go because i cant get there on crutches and i didnt want to make my friend stay behind with me so i pretended to be fine when im not because its not fair for me to make her not have fun and get to know people. Im just sat in my room crying but everyone thinks im fine and loving uni. 

I guess its just because im by myself and not doing anything that im feeling like this. Lectures start tomorrow so hopefully ill feel better then because i wont have as much time to think. I just dont want to end up doing something stupid again.

Sorry for the super long message :( 

Aife[Deleted User]ShaunieTinyCatpeachysoo

Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Fanatical Poster

    I'm sad you are finding it difficult to make friends and keep them in your university flats, but I was wondering if you could ask the university's office personnel if you can move flats to be closer to the flat mates who live in the other block? Like where the girl who helped move your laundry and shopping? I'd imagine that students can request moving flats if they are unhappy and I think you stand a good chance of being moved, even if it's to a ground floor to make it easier for your foot?

    About going to any beach parties, how about your arrange to share a taxi? Sharing 4 ways could work out cheaper and cabbies would be used to 4 sharing like at airports.

    Also you could always get help and support from your uni's chaplaincy team. You don't have to be religious and they should be only too willing to help.

    No worries about posting long messages. Speaking personally I'm only too glad to be of help. :)


    I'm driven by self doubt.
  • JawfaceJawface Posts: 17 Fast Newbie
    Hi @Esme17,

    I've been (and still am sort of) in your situation (I'm a third year living in halls). I understand how it feels when people are saying they'd rather not be in your flat, but you also said that the people in your flat are really nice - that probably can't be said for everyone's flat.

    You should try to hang out with people in your flat more often so that you can get closer to them, I don't think anyone is reaaally that close after just a week - it may sound like people in other flats are all really close to each other, but I think that can only be true up to a certain point. Maybe you could organise a group outing, or if you don't feel comfortable doing that then you could just hang out with individuals from your flat to get to know them better.

    About your helpful friend from the other flat - you could just ask her "what you up to tonight?" and if she says that she and her flatmates are doing something, ask if you can join them.

    Another way to meet people is through your course, if you're shy about doing this then just remember that everyone is in the same boat as you so there's nothing wrong with just going up to random people and talking to them in the first few weeks.

    It sounds like you have the "fear of missing out" - that's really common, I've had the same thing. None of my housemates last year liked going out at all, and I always felt like I was missing out on the uni experience - I cried about it too. But when I actually look back on it, my evenings were instead always spent playing Mariokart or watching TV with them, and I really enjoyed it. I've talked to people about nightclubs (which I can't go to due to a medical condition) and I've heard pretty mixed reviews; people sometimes make it sound like getting hammered and going out is the best thing about uni (the pictures on social media make it look that way) but I've also heard of many a bad experience going out.

    I hope things get better for you  :)
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 201 The Mix convert
    Floxy said:

    I'm sad you are finding it difficult to make friends and keep them in your university flats, but I was wondering if you could ask the university's office personnel if you can move flats to be closer to the flat mates who live in the other block? Like where the girl who helped move your laundry and shopping? I'd imagine that students can request moving flats if they are unhappy and I think you stand a good chance of being moved, even if it's to a ground floor to make it easier for your foot?

    About going to any beach parties, how about your arrange to share a taxi? Sharing 4 ways could work out cheaper and cabbies would be used to 4 sharing like at airports.

    Also you could always get help and support from your uni's chaplaincy team. You don't have to be religious and they should be only too willing to help.

    No worries about posting long messages. Speaking personally I'm only too glad to be of help. :)


    My friend is only one floor below me so i cant really move much closer to her if i tried! I dont want to move and upset other in my flat because we do all get on but i just feel that other flats get on better than we do.
    I can get to the beach easy as its only a 3 min walk from my uni but i cant physically get onto the beach because of crutches. 

    I was going to look into the student services but i think they might be on the other campus and its hard for me to get there at the moment and i dont want to seem weak and that i cant cope. 

    [Deleted User]
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 201 The Mix convert
    @Jawface Thanks for taking the time to reply to me!

    I just felt super targeted because it was all 7 other flats saying how they would hate to be in my flat cause it seems shit and that the people there are boring and they dont even know us! I am the only one in my flat on the group chat though so none else knows what was said which i guess is good. 

    I have hung out with a few people from my flat but because they are mainly all international it can sometimes be hard to make conversation with them. 

    My friend from the other flat invites me to so things with them but i feel that i am intruding and dont want to feel like im just clinging on to their group. I dont knoew if the rest of her flat want me to be there or not. She said they dont mind but i dont know if she is just saying that to make me feel better. 

    [Deleted User]Shaunie
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Fanatical Poster
    Esme17 said:
    Floxy said:

    I'm sad you are finding it difficult to make friends and keep them in your university flats, but I was wondering if you could ask the university's office personnel if you can move flats to be closer to the flat mates who live in the other block? Like where the girl who helped move your laundry and shopping? I'd imagine that students can request moving flats if they are unhappy and I think you stand a good chance of being moved, even if it's to a ground floor to make it easier for your foot?

    About going to any beach parties, how about your arrange to share a taxi? Sharing 4 ways could work out cheaper and cabbies would be used to 4 sharing like at airports.

    Also you could always get help and support from your uni's chaplaincy team. You don't have to be religious and they should be only too willing to help.

    No worries about posting long messages. Speaking personally I'm only too glad to be of help. :)


    My friend is only one floor below me so i cant really move much closer to her if i tried! I dont want to move and upset other in my flat because we do all get on but i just feel that other flats get on better than we do.
    I can get to the beach easy as its only a 3 min walk from my uni but i cant physically get onto the beach because of crutches. 

    I was going to look into the student services but i think they might be on the other campus and its hard for me to get there at the moment and i dont want to seem weak and that i cant cope. 

    I doubt anybody would assume you're 'weak' and 'can't cope'. If they do, then their friendship is not worth the trouble. But you could call student services. They're bound to have a phone number in the university directory.

    I'm sorry your crutches are being so bothersome, but I'm sure your foot cast will be removed soon, so for the time being get into your studies, find a good book to read and hopefully time will soon pass and you'll be more active again.

    I'll look out for you, but believe that once you start talking to people and there must be other new entrants at your uni, so you won't be completely alone.

    Is there a uni noticeboard handy? These boards almost always have newsy things on them.
    I'm driven by self doubt.
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 201 The Mix convert
    @Floxy
    I might see how i feel tomorrow (day off) and maybe look into calling then. Hopefully it will be off on the 17th October but im not 100% sure of that yet. 
    I think there is an online noticeboard somewhere! I might try and find that this evening. 
    Thanks :) 
    [Deleted User]
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Fanatical Poster
    @Esme17 ; let's try and be optimistic, as the 17th isn't too far away. I should have remembered your uni would have an online noticeboard - all unis have, so good luck there and let us know how you get on.

    We get these awful accidents; it's life, but somehow we soldier on and in time you'll be feeling better once you get into the swing of uni. :)
    I'm driven by self doubt.
    Esme17
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 2,933 Mega Poster
    edited October 2018
    Hey Emse

    sorry youre feeling lonely:( I dont have uni experience but I can imagine this is how nearly everyone is feeling at least one point when starting uni,- with the change, pressure and all sorts. But remember is okay to have Some days by yourself and some days to not feel that great - as the pressure to be happy and with loads of friends - i think can be overwhelming. When cant be happy all the time. But lonlieness is awful feeling:( & im glad youre posting on here <3

    One week is such a short time and you seem to have made some friends! And is lovely to hear your flat mates are all lovely! I hope youre able to start feeling more comfortable soon & that can get more active once your foot recovers 

    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton 🌸🌸
    [Deleted User]
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 201 The Mix convert
    Hey @Shaunie ;
    Im feeling a bit better now about everything. I found out yesterday that i got a scholarship for sport at uni which is going to help me so so so much. I think i was just having a really bad day that day and im sure ill have more unfortunately but at least i know it doesn't last ages.  
    Shaunie
  • EyepatchEyepatch Posts: 378 Rampant Poster
    Hey, the start of uni can be hard. But once your lectures start you'll make friends in your class who you see all the time :) I made friends with some classmates and through movie and book clubs, as Im not very outgoing. House/Flat parties are fun too as you don't have to worry about going out on crutches. 

    I hope everything is going okay, comment an update anytime :) 
    "Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between choosing what is right, and what is easy." 
    Esme17
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 307 Rampant Poster
    Hi @Esme17,

    Sorry to hear how things have been so far! I understand why you might feel other flats are closer than you - going out all the time means that they spend a lot more time together. Don't worry if you aren't really close with your flat mates - you're not alone, because that happens quite a bit, and you end up making friends with people from other flats instead :)

    Having the leg injury can feel quite isolating, since everyone wants to go out and party, but there's not much you can do about it. I know it's frustrating, but you'll have to focus on looking after your leg until it gets better - that's what matters most at the momentx

    As for your flat, it may actually be a blessing in disguise! There are generally two kinds of halls - some are full of party people, and go out every night; others are quiet and spend more time indoors. Sure, you may be missing out on parties with your flatmates, but when it comes to studying, having a quiet flat will be great, while the 'party' halls are notorious for being horrible places for studying and sleeping. The best scenario I think you can have is living in a 'quiet' hall, but making good friends with those living in 'party' halls - you get the best of both that way! :)

    Remember, the people you meet first and live with, may not be your best friends throughout uni. More often than not, they are either on your course, or at societies, so meet people and spend time with them there. I think you're right though - having no lectures and being injured can feel quite isolating, so I'm glad you've taken a mature perspective on it - hope that once lectures get going, things will improve!x

    Much love <3
    [Deleted User]Esme17
Sign In or Register to comment.