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I’m stressed

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
in Health & Wellbeing
im very very stressed with a lot of things such as going back to school and stuff but somethings been on my mind and idk what to do.

my brother found out about my self harm a few years ago and he promised he wouldn’t tell my parents. He said when he gets angry he comes close to telling them and in some situations he brings it up subtly, for example “she’s not as great as you think she is. I know stuff about her you don’t and she doesn’t want you to know but I won’t tell I’m not a snitch”. I’m so afraid and I get really sad when it’s brought up. I don’t want him to tell anyone I’m so scared someone please help me because I’m so stressed about it idk what to do. 

Im also not prepared to tell my parents about it, it was a silly mistake I made and I’m not doing it again

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Hey Petal, 

    Its okay to feel stressed, we all get moments when we have too many things going on. Try making a list of tasks you need to get done and try only to tackle one at a time, this help you to feel like you are moving forward with all the things you need to do. 

    What you have said here, 
    Im also not prepared to tell my parents about it, it was a silly mistake I made and I’m not doing it again
    How about letting your brother know this is how you feel about it, that his words hurt you and you are not planning on doing it again at anytime. This might help him understand that you feel it was a mistake and whenever he holds it above your head you feel stressed and put down. 

    Hope you find sometime to relax 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey,

    wish i knew how to manage stress:/ but you got any hobbies or things you enjoy to take your mind off?

    Also try to remember if your parents did find out, its not nessicarly something they would be angry about, but maybe opposite and be only supportive to you as they also wouldnt want you to self harm ever again.  

    Though im really glad to hear youll never be doing it again:) 

    take care 
    X
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Hey :)

    What is it about school that stresses you out? Have you tried any apps that help to reduce stress? one I like is called headspace, its short breathing exercises that helps calm you down, I do it every morning :) have you spoken to your GP or school about how stressed you are?

    i'm glad to hear you wouldn't self harm again, but is it really the worst thing if you parents find out? maybe if they knew how bad things are they could try support you or get you some help? Does your brother know you wouldn't do it again?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    edited September 17
    Hey @Eyepatch @Shaunie @Past User
    thank you for talking to me it means a lot. 
    Ive tried talking to him about it and telling him how upset it makes me however he doesn’t care and won’t listen. He knows I won’t do it again.
    I have no hobbies really to take my mind off things, but I try my hardest too. I’m trying to find a job to occupy most of my time.
    I do hope my parents would be supportive and only try to help however I feel like I would only disappoint them. They find it difficult to understand how I feel when I talk to them about feeling stressed or upset. They just think I’m being silly.
    Im currently taking my alevels so that’s tough becuase im trying to juggle revision and having time for myself. I find it difficult to revise (like most students haha). I also have teachers who make us do presentations in front of the class which also stresses me out. 

    Thank you for being supportive it means a lot to me:))
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Heey :)

    Have you spoken to anyone at school about how stressed you get? Maybe if they're aware of the problem you wouldn't have to do presentations in front of the class. For revision it's important to take breaks as well! so just say you'll revise for an hour, then take an hours break to do something for yourself, like some self care :)

    Maybe if your parents could see what the stress has driven you to do they would understand though? if you can't speak to your parents does your school have a counsellor you could speak to?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    edited September 17
    My school is not very good I don’t think they have a councilor. Id also be afraid they could tell someone. I’d hope my parents would understand but they’d just be upset and disappointed. I’d be afraid they wouldn’t love me anymore. 
    @Past User
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    What classes are you taking for your Alevels? I got mine a few years ago but might be able to give some tips if we have any lessons in common :) 

    It it possible for you to pre-record your presentations? I record my voice and add it to a powerpoint or video, I've never had a teacher who was bithered by this method so you could try it too. 

    Would you be able to book a GP appointment? If you are over 18 they can't tell your parents unless they think you are in danger.

    I hope everything is going okay :) 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 21 Boards Initiate
    @Eyepatch I take biology chemistry and literature.

    i might do that, it’s a good idea thank you!

    im only 17 and don’t turn 18 until early next year so that wouldn’t be an option really I don’t think

    ghank you though, very much xx
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,065 Boards Champion
    Hey petal123,

    Sorry to hear what you're going through - it can feel really unsettling when someone threatens to reveal something you don't want shared.

    If he won't listen, then it might be worth beating him to it. I know it sounds scary, and it depends on how likely you think he is to tell your parents.

    But, from your parents' perspective, they'd much rather it came from you, rather than from him - that way, you're being honest. It also means that you don't have to worry about your brother telling them, as they'll already know - there's no power in him holding that information any more.

    That way, you can also book the GP appointment right away and get on the road to recovery, which is another weight off your shoulders.

    I know it feels like a huge first step to take, but I feel like being able to remove the stresses of your brother and the GP is more beneficial, rather than living in constant fear and stress of your brother and parents. It's just my opinion though - I'm sure you'll do the best thing for you!x

    Much love <3

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 274 The Mix Regular
    edited September 18

    First off, it's brilliant to see how able you feel to speak openly and honestly on here, and how responsive the Mix community has been to you. 

    My question is kind of along similar lines to Azziman's message, what is holding you back from telling your parents? 

    Its understandable that you may not feel ready yet for them to know, and as you're doing your A Levels you don't need to add any unknown stress variables into the mix. But do you think you might get to the stage in the future where you will be able to talk to your parents about it? 

    You sound like you have made such a lot of progress, and that you have a very good gauge on what things make you feel stressed. Out of curiosity, which is your favourite out of your three a levels? (I took English literature at A level and went on to study it at university :P ) 
    Post edited by TheMix on
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