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Anyone?
Former Member
The Mix convertPosts: 132 The Mix Convert
Anyone there? Anyone care?
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A lot is going on, as always:
*brother is in hospital with meningitis
*never have anything to do apart from go to work and earn money (because I'm not one of those just given it like there's no tomorrow)
*had a pregnancy scare earlier this week
*still experiencing physical pains
*no appropriate or healthy connections with others
*binge eating a lot and this is affecting my self-confidence and self-esteem a lot=more spots, worse teeth, extra weight gain
*struggling with finances/money, lack of income (small)
*constant arguing with family
*feel controlled and trapped in lifestyle
*lifestyle is very child-like and not like what it should be for someone of my age (21)
*anger keeps taking over me at times-I've been lashing out even more again recently
^this is just some of it^😢💔
Take care of yourself okay💜
Sorry to hear how you're feeling. We're here for you if you need someone to talk to!x
Look after yourself - hope things get better soon!x
Much love
So sorry you're feeling like this right now, when so many things are going on in our lives in can be difficult to find some hope or anything good to hold onto, but usually there is, perhaps you could list some things in your life you do actually like and appreciate to remind yourself?
You mentioned how you feel alone and feel you have no healthy connections with others, maybe you could reach out to an old friend or even a family member who you're on good terms with, would that be an option? There is also an online group chat here at the Mix where you could open up and get things off your chest: http://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/group-chat
If you feel trapped or that your current lifestyle just isn't working for you perhaps you could change your surroundings and see how it effects your mood, like you could get a new job you enjoy or even a change in your diet to be more healthy, but it's best to consult your GP before making any drastic changes.
Anyway, there is always someone who cares, like us here at the mix and we're always hear to listen!
-Nish
Hi Shaunie,
Yes, it is definitely rough and a lot. This isn't all of what's going on either😢
Things will never get better. I know it.
😢😢
I have very few friends. My family don't care. I started a new job a while back because of that. I'm not sure if there is anything at all that I like at the moment. I am struggling😢
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult period!!
How about splitting the big difficult situation into small parts? When you consider a problem as something enormous it sounds it impossible to win over it. If you split it, maybe you could focus your energies on small parts and find some strategies to solve what you can solve.
Also, when it's a difficult moment, it is sometimes better to focus on those problems we can do something about and just wait for those that don't depend on us.
If you feel like you don't have any close connection, you could start from that, as it is a delimited issue and it is one you can control: reach out for those friends you mentioned; it doesn't matter how many they are (I am one of those who strongly believe it's actually impossible to have more than just a few real friends), it just matters for you to keep them close and to let them help you face this moment.
For those issues you don't want to talk about with friends, consider counseling as another option, as it would help you express freely and receive a professional advice.
I really hope for you that things start getting better, take care
- Fran
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear that, you mentioned how you have very few friends, perhaps you could try putting yourself out there and meeting new people who you can talk to? Maybe you could do some volunteering somewhere to meet new people or join some clubs near you, would that be something you're interested in?
You could also talk to your GP for some more professional guidance if you need to open up too.
Keep us updated
-Nish
Hi Fran,
It's an ongoing difficult time, and has been like that for years already, I'm only 21, after all.
I understand what you are saying about splitting them into smaller parts and I've tried really hard to do that. But it's difficult to do when everything is so linked and so interconnected, making it hard to split it into smaller parts, meaning that it does become a bigger problem. If this makes sense.
Making friends, meeting new people and making new connections is hard and something else which I do have very little control over, due to the lack of freedom and independence within my lifestyle, child like lifestyle at that.
I am on a DBT therapy programme, and have a diagnosis of EUPD, Depression and Anxiety. I sometimes find these sessions so difficult though that I end up silent for most of the hour and then before I know it, it's time to leave again. I do feel cared about and focused on during them though so that's a really nice feeling.
Hi Nish,
Putting myself out there and attempting to make new friends and meet new people is really difficult. Not only is my freedom and independence quite restricted in my lifestyle, my self confidence and self esteem is also really low-Tricky to just put myself out there.
On a lighter note though, since reading your message, I have started to look around for ideas as to what may interest me within my local area to perhaps join.
have you find anything useful? any group you could join / activity you could get involved in?
I find @nish215 's advice really useful!! finding a charity to do some volunteering could both help you find some new connections and could also give you the possibility to keep your mind busy, focusing on something different from all the thoughts you have.
Regarding the connection between all the problems you mentioned, maybe you could try another solution instead of splitting them. you could try to find "the cause/the causes" and only after finding it trying to deal with the consequent troubles once at a time.
maybe drawing could help you, as it helps you express your thoughts in a more emotional way :rainbow2:
Keep us informed,
- Fran
Hey AngellsMe21,
It's so great to hear you've taken on board the suggestion, have you found anything that interests you yet?
Also,it's understandable that you find it difficult to make new friends etc, a lot of people feel the same, so perhaps you could start by meeting new people online like on a group chat here at the mix, http://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/group-chat
Having low self esteem and confidence is also something that affects many young people so when you're talking to someone else, chances are they probably feel similarly to you too and you're not the only one. We can often get caught up in what people think of us and it can prevent us from putting ourseleves out there, trying new things, making new friends but no one cares so much about the little things like we think they do.
Maybe you could write down a few things that you like and appreciate about yourself to help build up your confidence?
-Nish
Hi,
I don't appreciate or like anything about myself really, to be honest. Although I do like that I put others before myself and care about anyone and everyone else a lot more than what I do myself. I realise this isn't always a good thing to do though, right?
I know I'm not the only one feeling or experiencing this and that there are plenty more but at the same time, we all feel this for different reasons, depending on our own past and experiences and stuff. Yes, that's more than true although I'm not quite a person like that since I notice and care about even the smallest of things (sometimes the smallest of things are actually the biggest)
How confusing, and difficult
Hi Fran,
How are you? :*
That's another good idea and I wish finding something like that was a lot easier said than done. In fact, finding them is fairly easy and doable but when it comes to actually being able to do them, then another problem happens (If I have a severe lack in pricacy, independence and freedom), then how can this be done?
That's true. The difficult thing is though, I know all of the causes.
Not knowing quite where to begin is the hardest part, so list the hardest areas you're dealing with and when ready, reach out for help on the forum. It's the only way forward, darling. So many of us feel alone; invisible like you feel. But the beginning of your help could actually start when joining Support Circle It's either on Sundays or Tuesdays.
http://www.themix.org.uk/community/forum/chat-debate/live-chat-announcements/3587097-support-circles-this-week-tuesday-sunday
Presently there is a chat break which started this week from 16th April, but returning on Monday 23rd April. So your chance to sign up would be next Tuesday 24th. Fill in the form on the above link and Aife will pm you the password. I've found Support Circle absolutely brilliant. Helped me no end. It will help you, too. :thumb:
You're always welcome to pm me.
Warm wishes,
~ Belle
What are the support circle chats like?
There's an opening round to warm people up, then the mod in charge tells us we have to be non-judgemental, respectful and listen and be caring and keep everything that is discussed confidential in the workshop. Sometimes members are asked for their input. We are then give a set amount of time, each person, to share a bit about what they want from support. Depending the numbers there which could range between a full room of up to 10: we are given a 10 minute slot if not more time. We are always asked if you want to go 1st, or 2nd or 3rd etc. Which is rather nice.
Always afterwards I feel better for going. The mods are tremendous, but so is everyone else when offering their support.
I don't know if I would have coped without support circle. Of course, support is offered as a choice in most chat evenings, but 'Circle you are given an amount of time and the numbers are smaller. I think you you will greatly benefit.
Support Circle actually sounds like a positive place to be; i'll definitely consider coming along to it one day. It sounds helpful:)
I'm struggling to sleep at the moment (again) as my head is spinning and I'm tossing and turning
Great to read you’re in therapy and getting support.
Any update or trying to find ways to meet new people in your area? Is hard when don’t have much confidence, but everyone is a bit nervous, but going outa comfort zone makes it easier each time.
It’s nice to read you’re a caring person but needa put yourself first sometimes. How are you feeling now? Hope you’re okay😊
You're definitely right: it may be easy to find the causes, but it's hard to know what to do next and how to deal with them.
I have once being told to that visual arts help you process your thoughts in a way that words don't. I notice that when I just think about something that is affecting me, I feel like I have all my thoughts entangled to one another and I can put them in the right order. So there may be two options:
- drawing : you can express your thoughts in series through a drawing
- charts : why don't you make sequences and charts giving an order to all the things that you believe are connected to one of the causes you have pointed out?
I mean something like that: from a cause, a series of consequences derive and can be connected to the cause through a chart. it's mechanical but it can be a good way to start processing your thoughts in a more analytical way.
Hope it's clear and that it nomad help you!!
- Fran
Hi AngellsMe21,
How are you doing right now?
It's understandable how you "don't appreciate or like" anything about yourself because we often focus on the negative parts of ourselves, but those who care about you would probably have way more good to say than bad. It's also great that you can recognise some of these positive characteristics about yourself, which are wonderful and rare traits to have- the people around you must be grateful to have you in their lives. It's also important to put ourselves first sometimes and make us the number 1 priority, even if it is not something we're used to- maybe you could try treating yourself more kindly like the way you treat others?
I'm sorry you're finding this all very difficult to deal with, is there any instance in particular which you have worried about these "little things"?
-Nish