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How much do you need to know about someone before you meet up?

AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,031 Boards Guru
in Sex & Relationships
160108074615-online-dating-illustration-super-169.jpg

Hey everyone,

When you’re online dating how much do you need to know about someone before you meet up with them?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts!

- Aife

Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤

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    FranFran Posts: 118 The Mix Convert
    Hey :wave:
    It's never happened to me to online date someone, as I met my actual boyfriend at high school so when we started dating we had already met in person some times. Anyway, I can try imagining how I would behave and, considering that I am really cautious when it comes to new people, I would probably prefer to try to know the other person quite well before going on a date. It would also depend on the kind of online dating, because if it happens on a dating platform I would probably be even more careful because sometimes people can hide their own identity and it's more difficult to understand if they are real or fake than it could be if chatting on Facebook or Instagram.
    I think it really depends on how much time a person needs to trust the other person enough to have a date together. Clearly being a little bit careful doesn't do any harm, especially when it comes to online dating ;)
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    AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 1,859 Extreme Poster
    Hi Aife!x

    Personally, I don't use online dating, or don't even date for that matter - it's not been something I've really been interested in! But if I was, I think I'd want to know quite a bit about someone before I met them. You can never be too careful online, because you may not be talking to who you think you are (or maybe I've been watching too much Catfish haha!). Either way, I like to take my time getting to know someone, so I'd reckon I'd have to know someone quite well before I met them in real life!x

    Much love <3
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    PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Helping Hand
    Hey Aife!

    ​This is an interesting one, and I definitely think it's much easier to know more about something now a days. With technology and the internet now, we are able to see what someone looks like and many other things about them. It's obviously still a risk to meet someone that you don't know, so knowing more about a person is always better. If you are someone who is online dating - http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/single-life-and-dating/online-dating-safely-15399.html can tell you all about how to do it safely!

    ​So really, to meet someone in person, the need-to-knows are things that ensure your safety. So knowing that this person is who they say they are, their age etc. Then so long as you tell someone where you are going, who with and make sure that you are meeting in a public place, then you know you're pretty safe.

    ​The rest I think is up to the person, some people don't mind and like getting to know someone in person - even go on blind dates! For others, if you've spoken a while, you can find out their likes, dislikes, hobbies etc. quite easily before you meet. ​For me, I have never really online dated, but I would like to know these things before meeting someone, especially if I was going quite a way to do so. Just a little to know we had something in common. Oh and I'd have to make sure they were vegan. ;)

    -PositiveAura:rainbow2:
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    MirabelleMirabelle Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    I would ask questions to get an insight into the type of person they really are. For example, if they have a religious faith because if I can see if a person's values are similar to mine or not, or if I could be supportive of them. Importantly, I would ask about their family values to see if they matched mine. If they are deep thinkers and read a lot and like studying for a degree that would open a good career path similar to my asperations. Or what have they accomplished because people like talking about their achievements, and if they feel good about themselves. This would show if they have any confidence, or if they are shy and retiring, then I might not be interested in them. I would need to know a lot, but also be given the chance to speak for myself.

    I think it takes a good six months of getting to know someone really well. If during that time I became very happy with them and vice-versa, then the next six months would become really exciting.
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey Aife,

    I'd definitely have tried to verify that they are a real person for starters! Probably ask them about their local area, check if they have social media accounts etc and if all looks good I'd meet in an extremely public place. I think I'd be up for getting to know them in person so wouldn't feel the need to know them that well before meeting up - I know from experience people can be very different face to face and that's what matters to me! Also I think I've watched too much Catfish on TV haha

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,497 Skive's The Limit
    I have never done online dating so dont really know. But tbh i dont think it matters how much you know about them. Obviously you needa know their age and all that stuff and that they are real and atleast have a video chat or something before meeting and know general stuff about them. But i mean have known someone who said they spoke to someone online for about 2 years until they finally meet - thought they would be perfect couple & knew each other inside out - but actually once meeting - was different - awkward vibe and they didnt get on well at all.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 151 Helping Hand
    Agree with basically everything everyone else has said on here! To me, the most important thing is verifying that the person you're talking to is actually who you think you're talking to, since your safety should come first before anything else. Regarding how much else you know about them (likes, dislikes etc.), I don't feel is as important; you could always discover this in person! Sure, maybe this way it's more likely that people might discover that maybe the other person isn't right for them, but what is meant to be is meant to be. I wouldn't personally be bothered by this. While it might feel like a waste of time, as previously mentioned by @Shaunie , you might feel like you're meant to be just through online interactions, but it might be a completely different story in person!
    -peachysoo
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