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Making an complaint about a support site?

SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
in General Chat
Wasn't sure on where to post this. Sorry if in wrong place. Please do move if is. But wondering if anyone could just give me honest opinion.

So MINDS support site ( elefriends)permanently banned me from using their site just because "can not support me to the level i need" which is just being suicidal. And suicidal thoughts are allowed in theur rules. I would understand if it was because i kept using it when in crisis and made out like i was in constant danger but i didnt i just shared suicidal thoughts. And some people actually do that and have been for months yet they are still using it. Yet i just express thoughts and its seen as "putting pressure on the community" i was using the site for a year so im pretty upset. And feel unfairly banned & unfair treated & targeted. Probs cause someone hated me on it and reported everyone of my posts. Or probs im parniod

Anywayy They did warn me with suspension but did not warn me with a permanent one. Seen some people get suspended like twice and its never permanent but on my second suspenion is permanent. If knew that i would of stopped completely with suicidal thoughts. And permanently banning me feels like they are saying i will always be suicidal so can never come back. Its pretty upsetting they suspend people all the time without realising it can be quite upsetting espically with people who already feel constantly abandoned for no reason. Ive sent emails and they are so stuborn and do not listen. So im wondering if to someone else if making a formal complaint sounds too far.?

Ive even tried making new account but isnt working out, some how find out after a few days even when i didnt post anything or use it.

When i got suspended i wrote somethjng very roughly like ----"just did the whole crying on the floor,complementating suicide but didnt do anything. Im so pathetic........"and then i wrote a few hours later "regret not killing myself,now stuck in this life...." "i do not want to die,i realise thats probably why i didnt,but need to die cause i cant live this life anymore,ill rememebr for next time i feel on edge cause right now i feel to weak to do anything including killing myself"
i get it may show sucide intent at some point, but all suciidl peoplle feel they may suicide at some point
but didnt show i was in crisis or against any rules was just suciidal thoughts. And they said all my thoughts are like that and too deep. But wtf they should put that on their rules then.
Maybe it was a fair desicon cause im pretty much a burden to everyone. But im not sure



Thanksss
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I dont even know how to make a complaint loll🙃🙃🙃🙃
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Oh never mind . I have found the email adress for MINDS complaint. I will email them instead of directing to elefriends.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 976 Part of The Mix Family
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  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,103 Boards Champion
    Hi Shaunie,

    If I had a pound for every time I heard someone had a negative experience with Elefriends...

    The majority of people I know that have used that have found it to be a horrible place. It's places like Elefriends that make people suspicious of coming to other forums, because of the awful experience they've had on that site.

    Much love <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 976 Part of The Mix Family
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  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,051 Supreme Poster
    I'm another who hasn't heard one positive experience with that site. I can totally understand you complaining.

    There are other sites, though, which you may find more useful.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks guys!

    Yeah feel like they do target some people for some reason and is one rule for some and not for others,which is what loads of people say so they have probably heard it all before but im still gunna send an email to their complaint email adress today,when i can be bothered ah
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Lol i wrote it but sent it to compliments@mind.org.uk instead of complaints. Wondered whyi got an automated email thanking me for my kindness loll
    I Am sucha mess
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,612 Part of The Furniture
    Interesting to see this discussion unfolding - sharing experiences and opinions of other services can be really useful, particularly when it comes to talking out situations like yours @Shaunie. Taking this to Mind directly via a complaints line or another email address is a really good shout. Feedback is really valuable to support services, so they might really appreciate you bringing things to them and taking the time to explain. :)

    I will just mention that when it comes to topics like self-harm or suicidal thoughts, you're likely to find that group spaces (chats, forums, etc.) are fairly strict on what they allow to be talked about. From the service's perspective, protecting the wellbeing of other members is a high priority, and doing that will often mean not allowing certain discussion which could be deemed too heavy or explicit to be seen by a whole community of other vulnerable people.

    That said, it's worth noting that one-to-one services (counselling, one-to-one listening places, helplines, etc.) usually won't have the same restrictions, and will allow you to talk much more openly about things like self-harm or suicidal thoughts. If you do find it therapeutic to have that more unfiltered outlet, you may have an easier time going to one of those instead.

    Of course, I'm not trying to dispute what you guys are saying here - you've all made valid points and these issues are all worth raising. Just thought I'd offer a different perspective and an alternative route for support. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Mike wrote: »
    Interesting to see this discussion unfolding - sharing experiences and opinions of other services can be really useful, particularly when it comes to talking out situations like yours @Shaunie. Taking this to Mind directly via a complaints line or another email address is a really good shout. Feedback is really valuable to support services, so they might really appreciate you bringing things to them and taking the time to explain. :)

    I will just mention that when it comes to topics like self-harm or suicidal thoughts, you're likely to find that group spaces (chats, forums, etc.) are fairly strict on what they allow to be talked about. From the service's perspective, protecting the wellbeing of other members is a high priority, and doing that will often mean not allowing certain discussion which could be deemed too heavy or explicit to be seen by a whole community of other vulnerable people.

    That said, it's worth noting that one-to-one services (counselling, one-to-one listening places, helplines, etc.) usually won't have the same restrictions, and will allow you to talk much more openly about things like self-harm or suicidal thoughts. If you do find it therapeutic to have that more unfiltered outlet, you may have an easier time going to one of those instead.

    Of course, I'm not trying to dispute what you guys are saying here - you've all made valid points and these issues are all worth raising. Just thought I'd offer a different perspective and an alternative route for support. :)

    Thank you. i get what you mean Mike
    . And i mean if others told me directly that they found every single post upseting -would of stopped but didnt & imstead know few complained aswell.
    I think sometimes it just someone reporting it constantly. i got few- "we have removed your post as it has upset another ele friend,we have been in touch to offer them support.". ...great way to make me feel worse. But it was within the rules &if people cant handle it then shouldnt be using.


    But like maybe they shouldnt say suicidal thougbts are allowed cause it can be heavy but it is what it is. even got told that my thoughts was not allowed cause it was too postive & it may of been encoraging to others. - the post was just why i am suicidal.... obvs too obvious suicide was the only way out. Thoughts do go deep but i mostly,made sure i didnt sound in danger or have specific plans-When others sound in danger constantly

    But suspend people way too fast. Had one augment/discussion on there and was threaten with being suspended When not going to agree with everyone and just do it willy nilly sometimes lol. When actually its upsetting. Cause didnt realise i was so much of a burden &

    I mean there are sites can share those thoughts but hate phone calls and i have tried email/text but im pretty sure they have never read my massive ranty emails. & got a response that could of said to anyone cause they obvs couldnt be bothered to read& listen to me so gave up since then
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 976 Part of The Mix Family
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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Meggles wrote: »
    Can I just say. I saw a lot of your posts shaunie and I was ok with them.. I saw posts that were worse and more detailed than yours that never got removed. I honestly just think they like to pick and choose what rules apply to who

    Thank you, actually so pleased to read, many have told me the same and saw people post it aswell but have been feeling bad for ages. So shit cause cant even apologise properly on there.



    Sent email now,tried to be as polite as i could . Hopefuly they will reply and at very least take on what i am saying for future and actually warn people they could be permanently banned.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Past UserPast User Posts: 976 Part of The Mix Family
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you!

    So they have just emailed me back saying -- they have read what ive said and have been in contact with elefriends and they know i have had a discussion with the elefriends manger (which got no where) which is apperently stage 1 of complaint procedures, if i knew that i wouldnt of been so rude lolll://. so they said the best thing to do is to take the complaint to stage 2 and asking if i want that. They Said stage 2 is where another manager looks into it all and i email them and get a reply within 20 working days and if still not satisfied can speak to a Director at Mind and given the option to appeal at Stage 3.

    I dont really know what to email back;///think will go say to go to stage 2 otherwise my email was point less ah
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix convert Posts: 132 The Mix Convert
    My account on there was permanently suspended too. Elefriends is not a great place for support when they suspend people for no reasons whatsoever, just as they did with me too. Anyways..I hope this is sorted for you soon Hun.x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hey
    So they have finally replied to my complaint. SurpisingLy a different manager looked at it and said looked at everything including my wall posts, messages, emails etc and said it is clear I wasn't listened to and that I was never given a proper warning and then apoligised. They told me to email elefriends and over few days return to the site taken on the terms I have taken on feed back.

    But now tbh I dunno what to do now I don't really wanna go back on the site. Cause tbh I just don't like some people on there and Now been off the site think it did more harm than good
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Owl Whisperer Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    Don't return to elefriends, Shaunie. From the start they acted unprofessionally and are likely to again despite the recent manager agreeing your case was acceptable. You already said there are members you dislike and that's good enough reason not to risk returning.

    Here @The Mix you already have a great support network helping you forwards. You are very loved on the forum and in chat and are safer with us more than anywhere else.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Mirabelle wrote: »
    Don't return to elefriends, Shaunie. From the start they acted unprofessionally and are likely to again despite the recent manager agreeing your case was acceptable. You already said there are members you dislike and that's good enough reason notto risk returning.

    Here @The Mix you already have a great support network helping you forwards. You are very loved on the forum and in chat and are safer with us more than anywhere else.

    Hey Mirabelle, thank you. i do find this place really helpful and does help and genuirly am thank ful for The Mix & realise elefriends was literally feeding into how depressed i already felt. The amount of times got spoke to like shit. if it wasnt someone trying to argue with me - it was the mods telling me I upset someone with a post and all just made me feel so so shit &bad about myself and there quite few creepy men on there using as dating site and yeah just can't really remember a time thinking is actually helping how i feel. and cant block people on there.
    Though i think i will ask to activate it, to just make post apolgising for my posts that may of triggered some and. then maybe messsage the people i spoke to on there - to see if they are okay cause had to suddenly never reply to them which was a lil uncomfortable. but then delete it after i have done that. cause is even more distressing and uncomfortable for things to suddenly stop without it properly ending, which is probs why i got so rude in some emails i sent to them cause is distressing when i couldnt even apologise properly.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Owl Whisperer Posts: 1,020 Wise Owl
    Shaunie wrote: »

    Hey Mirabelle, thank you. i do find this place really helpful and does help and genuirly am thank ful for The Mix & realise elefriends was literally feeding into how depressed i already felt. The amount of times got spoke to like shit. if it wasnt someone trying to argue with me - it was the mods telling me I upset someone with a post and all just made me feel so so shit &bad about myself and there quite few creepy men on there using as dating site and yeah just can't really remember a time thinking is actually helping how i feel. and cant block people on there.
    Though i think i will ask to activate it, to just make post apolgising for my posts that may of triggered some and. then maybe messsage the people i spoke to on there - to see if they are okay cause had to suddenly never reply to them which was a lil uncomfortable. but then delete it after i have done that. cause is even more distressing and uncomfortable for things to suddenly stop without it properly ending, which is probs why i got so rude in some emails i sent to them cause is distressing when i couldnt even apologise properly.

    Thank you for such a great reply!

    If I may suggest, don't on elefriends apologise for your posts because it could invite negative comments especially from those creepy old buggers making you feel bad about yourself. Certainly private message those who were kind and caring, and give them a forwarding email address so you can keep in contact if you want. Having done that, delete your account and be done with them.

    Put your experience with elefriends on the backburner and move on. Aunty says we can learn more by our successes than failures and taking time to make ourselves feel good isn't time that's wasted. By the way, sorry I I yakked too much in chat last night. :blush:
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Okay so I went onto my account and posted about how shit get treated & gave more feed back on their main wall

    And omg well i dont think ive gotten treated so shit from a service before. They warned me i shouldnt write my sucidal posts even though it is okay for everyone else so im like okay whatever. So instead i post on the feed back page telling them that - &#147;somewhere on their site they should say it is okay for some people to say theyre suicidal and its not okay for some people not, also need to make your users aware you treat people differently and unfair &#148;. Anyway not exact wording. But it got removed and i got suspended permantely again. When i login in it says something like
    ——&#147;our moderation decisions are adding to the distress that you're experiencing.&#148;
    um now im more distressed on why some people are allowed to complain - day in and day out of the rules yet stick around. But whattttt i do it and fuck my life i get a ban???????? Ummm what did i do so wrong that they need any reason to ban me??????

    Anyway i sent elefriends a complaint. They said i am suspended and can complain to mind if id like but unlikely i would ever be able to have my account back this time. SHE DIDNT EVEN EXPLAIN IT or answrr my questions. I have sent an email explaining and stressing that i never want my shitty account to be reinstalled or to be unsuspeded to a shit site. Like why the fuck would i even want that now ive been treated like actual shit & i just want to complain - about the way i have got treated & to realise and hear me- I have sent massive email to mind and also added the manager of elefriends

    What an actual shit site
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey @Shaunie perhaps it would be best if you stopped being associated with elefriends after the despicable treatment you got. They sound highly unprofessional treating you like that, so why waste more time them? You will be better off not contacting them ever again.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Floxy wrote: »
    Hey [USER="96903"]Shaunie[/USER] perhaps it would be best if you stopped being associated with elefriends after the despicable treatment you got. They sound highly unprofessional treating you like that, so why waste more time them? You will be better off not contacting them ever again.

    Ah yeah i see what you mean but i get too annoyed to just leave it ://
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Shaunie wrote: »

    Ah yeah i see what you mean but i get too annoyed to just leave it ://

    I suppose you could always spam 'em. Way of revenge ;)
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