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Reasons to live
Jellyelephant
Posts: 1,908 Extreme Poster
hey,
Sorry to bother you all again. I am really struggling. I feel so depressed. Fallen back into drinking again to keep going. I just feel so miserable, i dont know what to do next. I hate everything about being alive and i cant think of anything that would make me want to keep living. I feel like even if things were going well in my life, if i had a job or a partner or anything that normal people seem to enjoy, I wouldn't care. It wouldnt make me happy. I feel like I am not meant to live anymore.
Why should I keep going? What is the point? I dont get it
Sorry to bother you all again. I am really struggling. I feel so depressed. Fallen back into drinking again to keep going. I just feel so miserable, i dont know what to do next. I hate everything about being alive and i cant think of anything that would make me want to keep living. I feel like even if things were going well in my life, if i had a job or a partner or anything that normal people seem to enjoy, I wouldn't care. It wouldnt make me happy. I feel like I am not meant to live anymore.
Why should I keep going? What is the point? I dont get it
The sun will rise and we will try again
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Comments
Really sorry to hear that you're struggling. Just know that you're not the only one who is going through this and you 100% are worthy of living! It may feel like it now, but you are so much more than you think! You mentioned that you have fallen back into it, but that also shows you that you are more than capable of falling out of it!
If you feel comfortable doing so, have you considered speaking to someone? If not then there are plenty of places you can contact anonymously and see how that goes? You always have us to talk to, and we're always here, even if it's just to chat about anything!
Hope your day gets better and hope to hear from you soon!
Here are the links for places to contact:
- www.samaritans.org.
- https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
Drea
I feel similar so not really sure what to say. But i wanted to try send you some postive vibes and love💜
Im forever questioning the reason to live and even meaning of life and feel i have no purpose. But i remeber the little things i enjoy. Like my puppys company and music. But i mean could be even as little as your faviourate food, its not a massive reason to live but it is something you enjoy in life. Being mindful in those moments helps and then maybe those little things help you carry on and give you some stregnth to end up finding more bigger things and make you feel better doing more of the small things. Sorry if not help
Aww, you're not bothering anyone by posting here. You clearly need support right now and can absolutely get it here!!
I'm so sorry you're struggling. You're definitely not alone though - there's lots of people exactly the same as you.
And has been previously said, you are definitely worthy of living. Just by getting through each day it shows me that you are a really strong person (stronger than you think you are). I believe in you (we all do)!!
Stay strong, you can do this! I know you can.
Although everyone's experiences, naturally, are different, I understand how tough life can feel sometimes, and how difficult it can be to try convince yourself to keep your chin up; Albert Camus has said: "But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.", and I totally agree. Sometimes, it can be quite comforting, almost attractive, to think about how easy it could be to just end the pain. But, that said, I don't feel like I can completely agree with the idea either.
For me, I've reached a stage where I feel like, while I'm not always happy - and that's completely okay, I am human; we are human and it is okay not to be okay - I feel like I can see the appeal in life. Voltaire has said: "Je voulus cent fois me tuer, mais j'aimais encore la vie.", which roughly translates to "I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but I still love life.". Yes, the short-term former might seem so appealing right now, but there's so much to live for! From the big things, like new life, to the small things, I'm sure there is, or will be, something for you personally worth living for, even if that includes just finding what exactly it is that brings you joy!
I have written myself a list in my own little 'happiness journal' my own reasons to stay alive. Little things populate the pages: from seeing my friends smiling, to sunflowers, from eating some good cake, to the cosiness of staying inside, wrapped in warm blankets with hot chocolate, safe from the cold, wintry weather outside! I'm a romantic; I find pleasure in beautiful things, and I have come to learn the beauty in the smallest of things that we normally take for granted or forget. Something especially beautiful and calming for me personally is looking at the sky, no matter the time of day. It's so boundless, I find it helps me realign myself and put things back into perspective. Perhaps you could try this also, if you haven't already!
That said, I'm not about to go into a big list of my own reasons to live; this is going to vary for everyone! You have said yourself that you 'wouldn't care' for most good things, and I believe this is delving more into the scientific, biological aspects of mental health, such as seratonin levels, which I'm not so clear in. In this case, I truly believe it would be worthwhile seeing someone, a professional (perhaps a psychiatrist) to help you cope. I'm not trying to force you into anything you wouldn't feel comfortable with; I know how daunting it can be to try and seek further help, but you've already come here and opened up, and that already is a step in the right direction; I'm so proud of you!
While professional help doesn't help everyone, I truly believe the only one that ultimately can save yourself, is yourself. It's completely fine, and, in fact, important, to ask for help (which most people won't be troubled by to help!), but in the end it all depends on yourself. Do you want to change your life? You gotta start changing it yourself. The cliché saying "If you want something done, do it yourself" is true!
You are in no way bothering anyone by opening up here and seeking support. It is a really respectable and brave thing for you to do. I understand how difficult it can be to do this, so good job! I often say this to my own friends when they feel like they're bothering me by wanting to talk about how they feel, that I'd much rather you open up and not keep everything to yourself; you don't need to harbour the burden on your own. People want to help. You are loved and important, so don't batter yourself up so much. That's easier said than done, of course, but it's this hardship that makes everything so much more worthwhile in the end. When you've seen hell, doesn't the light at the end of the tunnel seem so much more surreal?
I will recommend a few links I have kept on my Tumblr master list page (so professional, I know :') ), and a book I have recently began reading! "Reasons to Stay Alive" by Matt Haig is a book written about the author's own experience with depression and overcoming suicidal thoughts, and it has been so well received. It's spoken to me personally already, in the 22 pages I've read alone! I also will not lie and say that it is where I found Camus' quote ;-)
Links (including some cute, moodlifting sites!):
https://www.calm.com/
http://www.rainymood.com/
http://thequietplaceproject.com/thethoughtsroom/
http://thequietplaceproject.com/thedreamsroom/comfortspot
https://psychologytools.com//download-therapy-worksheets.html
https://mentalillnessmouse.wordpress.com/helpfulresources/#_=_
http://chibird.com/
https://mentalillnessmouse.tumblr.com/chatrooms
http://chooserecovery.tumblr.com/directory
http://chooserecovery.tumblr.com/post/43158856901/why-you-shouldnt-kill-yourself-trigger-warning
http://chooserecovery.tumblr.com/Websites
http://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/depression-mental-health
http://chooserecovery.tumblr.com/alternatives
www.mind.org.uk
A list of helplines:
https://www.itv.com/thismorning/suicide-prevention-helplines (ITV have made a really handy list!)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines (if you live elsewhere, other than the UK, Wikipedia has a nice compilation for countries around the world)
I'm sorry for the lengthiness, and potentially confusing order, of my response; I typed as I thought and there's actually so much more I wanted to say!
This has also just come to me now, but there is also an app, Happify, that might be worth checking out, too!
Again, please don't bundle your feelings to yourself, there are so many people willing to help, and places dedicated to helping many others similar to you.
Wishing you the best!
-peachysoo
Hi @Jellyelephant,
Don't apologise - it's okay to talk about your feelings, positive or negative! In my view, the reason you keep going is because you don't want to lose. To give in now is to admit defeat to all the horrible things you've faced - every person that has hated you, every person that has tried to ruin you, every time something went against you, every time you were treated unfairly. Giving in is to let all those people walk over you and succeed in your unhappiness. You don't ever let them win like that - you need to win yourself! By surviving, living and thriving, you are winning. You are taking steps towards happiness, while all those who ever hurt you or made you unhappy are losing. The happier you are, the more they lose. You keep going to keep winning, to make sure that you are the happy one, not those that hurt you. When things look down, you have to fight for your happiness. And you're a gladiator - you can definitely win this war, even if you lose the occasional battle.
See a GP and get the medical help you need. Have therapy sessions to resolve psychological and behavioural issues. Find a way to ward off the alcohol for good. Take the steps you need to take to regain control of your life, and succeed in the face of those who hurt you. Go forth, and become a serial winner!x
Much love