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Sending *hug* s Hannah, hoping things start looking up for you!
Well the next two weeks are a tough one
I know I sometimes feel like life will be okay, but I have many reasons in my head and to summarise them all, to me it means "my life is doomed, whats the point?
Like you may think it seems like some random thought and its not, I have multiple reasons to believe it!!!
Honestly considering seeing a psychic, perhaps they are the only ones to convince me. But I dunno where to start, plus I don't want parents to know- thinking about contacting that "psychic UK" thing, might send a text and maybe try a call if no luck
Personally,I think you should stick with all of the support and help/treatment which you currently have as you're lucky to even have that Hun!Maybe speak to Lauren and see what her opinion of that would be?
A week is better than months Hun--I have NOTHING atm x
Yet I'm telling myself right now I need to get a grip, stop feeling sorry for myself and give myself a kick. Yet I want to burst into tears.....
I can only take so much, trying to stay on top of everything , keeping to my therapy work, maintaining things is really taking its toll.
How are things at the moment?
While trying to stay so strong around the clock is admirable, it might be useful to make sure you aren't setting yourself unrealistic goals. You seem to juggle an impressive amount (particularly with therapy in the mix) and when you've got the world on your shoulders, sometimes something has to give and there's nothing shameful about that. Having a good cry every now and again is something I'm sure most of us do even without having to deal with so much at once. *hug*
I wonder if maybe planning a future lunch together (or other meet up) might help with this sort of comedown? Maybe helping you to look forward to something positive, as well as distracting yourself a little from the low period that can hit right after a good time?
How are you feeling?
What's happened?x
Thanks Mike for your reply
I think your right, trying to juggle life with therapy is hard, gets to the point where I feel exhausted. So many changes I'm trying to make with therapy, trying to deal with my negative thinking and changing my attitude is difficult. I wish there was an easier way, its a life change. Facing the facts that I perhaps can't change myself and just have to manage it so it doesn't take over my life.
So often I feel like giving up on life. I guess its positive I haven't been stupid like I have in the past, when I get *triggering* thoughts and ideas.
Still feel life will be crap to be honest, that thought sometimes takes a back-seat but its always there.
Sounds like a good idea Mike, I am very busy with uni. at the moment and friends are normally busy, so will have to see
Nothings happened, things are just taking their toll! x
I don't like the idea of being in a relationship. How can I move out? I will be lonely as I get lonely as it is with friends, everyones busy with their own lives. How will I ever move out when my parents have a big influence on me, probably still be there until I'm 40 or if not I will be a loner in some flat somewhere
I'm not good enough to get a job, I don't even know if I'll pass all 4 years of uni- I'm crap at essays and I will probably be more stressed next year in 2nd year as more work
I'm not very responsible with checking my bank account, it stresses me out so I delay looking at it for ages- how can I be responsible??
People will think I'm weird, pressure to be in a relationship.
I get images of how life will be........ I'll be homeless, lonely, and misreable. What even is the point?!?
(this is how I think^)
My mind could go on and on
I think personally what you're experiencing at the moment is normal and I wouldn't worry about what your parents think. You're in the position where you are gaining more and more independence - travelling to uni, being responsible for your own finances and trying to find your identity. It's a tough time for anyone, let alone when you're also experiencing issues with your mental health. Could it be you are pressuring yourself do you think?
Perhaps you could try budgeting or scheduling checking your bank account so you don't need to worry about how it will be when you go to look at it?
I can honestly say, you will find your way and get there. Some days the idea of still being alive in 10, 20 years scares me and I get images of how life will be, a bit like yours. Sometimes you have to let the feelings pass - I can guarantee it will all work out for you though.
Thanks Kate
I have been known to put a lot of pressure on myself, which probably doesn't help. Life is scary like you said, I just can't seem to shake the idea that it will be terrible, I just can't see things working out. I guess your right, I want to know what will happen and I get so absorbed and uptight over my theory and I loose track of other things. Its like a cycle of negative thinking
How are you feeling *hug*s
Just wanted to check in with you, to see how you are.
Sorry my reply back to you the other day was really short
How are you feeling today?x
Been a tough few days, been very emotional as it is about life. On top of that my weight gain is upsetting and stressing me, I have very low self confidence. And this whole thing with my work- I had a zero hours contract but not worked in ages, so got very upset over this letter, thinking I'm fired but I'm not so I was worried about references but still feel glum about it. Been crying a lot too and I don't exactly know why !
I understand you feel you don't exactly know why you feel sad and are crying and I am sorry but I cannot relate to that part in particular because whenever I feel sad or emotional or have been crying a lot then there is always a reason :crying:
Have you had a think about and considered what it might be causing this for you?
Hope you're feeling better again today.
Hannah
Hey
I was wondering how you were getting on exploring other hobbies you could possibly do like I think you discussed in another post?
Everything seems really stressful for you right now, I'm sorry about that. But perhaps taking some time to focus on a hobby might help to give you some time away from the thoughts you're having?
*hug*
Hi Hannah,
Feeling much better today thanks for asking
Well I think a few things may cause it - combination of above and my usual shennanigans :S
Hope all is well,
Amanda
Hey
So far I've discovered I love card making (only when in the mood for it though), I do like listening to music and I have a couple of TV programmes I'm into (although not into it that much). To be honest, when I'm in a better mood its easy to stay content but when I feel crap I just am not in the mood to do anything- including the above ^^^ - but as my psychologist says "you can't always wait until you feel in the mood". But funnily enough, I'm okay at the moment but don't really know what to do with my time- I'm very tierd so not interested in the above and ran out of things I like watching, until my programmes new episode is on netflix next week
Yeah hopefully- as I said I'm now into card making but I need to be in the mood for it and its useless when I'm too tierd, like now!
Thanks for your response
Yesterday was a bad day for me, I realised after that I forgot to take my anti-depressants in the morning so maybe that made things worse, or it may have just been me (I only missed one day), anyways.......
I always get so upset over things I think are childish. Like yesterday my friends had to go somewhere so we agreed to meet, I was already in the library doing work and they knew I needed to do it on the computer. So I got a text and they chose the area where theres only a couple of computers and said theres no point in me coming if I need to do my work. The reason I'm upset is the library is so big and they chose like a tiny area with no computers and they could have went elsewhere so I could join the. I felt so left out, anyways I never said. I also felt left out when they had to go somewhere, but it would have been awkward for me to go. I felt tearful over this and very left out. I think its childish to feel that way in regards to the situation. But please can I have an opinion......is this childish (please just be honest)?
Then afterwards we had practical class. Now I always get so panicky over time, like even when there is plenty of time I normally panic about being late (this is a common thing for me) anyways I had like a panic attack over this, when I said I'd meet my friends (with plenty of time) and they weren't there until a while after. I started thinking they've left without me and got really upset and was panicking over what I should do- should I just leave without them? But if they are coming they might wait on me. Then I tried phoning them, no answer and I just crossed the road and marched up to the front of the library and they came and said we were just at the toilets. Anyways we made class in time, but I felt rushed as I need to put my labcoat on etc. and get organised for practical before I go to my bench. And we need to be at the bench on time for the demonstrator (a phd student who like tutors our practical group) to explain things. I still made it but by the time I got to my bench I was breathing really heavily, had a lot of anxiety etc.
Then practical began, we were doing an experiment using a technique I've done a lot even in high school and I did it okay last time. But for some reason today everything went wrong, I was doing really stupid mistakes, spilling things, couldn't get my measurements right. Eventually I had a mini panic attack and cried a bit (but held it in before I was streaming with tears). I was so tempted to run out of class and I had the urge to throw glass when I got really stressed. Then I made more mistakes and kept on going through the above emotions etc. Anyways I'm really ashamed to say this, but I had a really bad- dangerous thought (I wont say what as don't want to trigger anyone) and it would cause harm to myself, bearing in mind I was in a practical lab with loads of potentially harmful chemicals. I never followed it through, as I had visions of what would happen , getting kicked off my course as they couldn't trust me to be safe in a lab. Like what am I supposed to do in situations like this? This is why I struggle with practical things a lot too, one mistake and I get panicky. I FELT SO TRAPPED, like I needed time out but I just couldn't as I was in class......it was horrible!!!
Another thing bothering me is, I may have mentioned that I have this whole anxiety about the future and now I believe my anxietys and am set that my life will be doomed (I think I explained it in a previous post). Anyways to try and solve this whole issue I have, I've been trying to plan my future.....but thats causing a lot of anxiety in itself. My mentor at uni tells me not to worry as I'm only in first year etc. but this careers talk at uni really scared me. Like in so many ways. Firstly, I'm doing biomedical science at uni (which is classed as a life science, basically biology with some chemistry) anyways as you may assume, a lot of jobs are practical and as much as I love learning about biology (especially human biology and medicines) I don't think working in a lab is for me. Now she did say with a science degree you can do business (yes surprisingly) yet that doesn't interest me and I'm not management material. I thought about secondary teaching, as if I do a post grad teaching with my degree I could teach either biology or chemistry at high school. I used to want to be a teacher when I was younger and to be honest, this is the only thing I feel from my degree I may like to do. Now I never picked Higher English (scottish equivalent to A-Levels here) at school so I would need that. I guess if I decided to do that I could do night classes at college for a year, following uni. Anyways I'm basically in the position I really don't know what to do in life. Its stressing me out.
Another issue is I have really low self confidence. I've never been confident , but recently I've took an even bigger knock in confidence. I feel crap and unworthy, feel everyones better than me. eg. at that careers talk, she listed skills and I sat there saying can't do any of that. I feel I'm not good enough and who would want to employ me
I would really appreciate advice or a second opinion so much, I'm at a loss and overwhelmed by everything. No doubt theres more things bothering me and Ive forgot too
I just wanted to drop in and say massive props to you for getting in touch with Samaritans today, even though it sounds like you had a super rough morning. Nice to hear you found some sanctuary in the library, too.
Honestly? No. It could seem childish when you compare it to what we would usually consider a rational response, but when we're under a lot of pressure or emotions are running high then we can do things that, in hindsight, might seem uncalled for, but are ultimately justified by the way we were feeling in that moment. The main thing to bear in mind with this is that nothing can really be considered unreasonable if it feels right at the time. After all, we can't help our feelings, right?
It sounds like you've got a pretty good mindset with regards to trying to get support and helping yourself too, even though doing that sounds like it's coming with a lot of baggage. Credit where it's due - you're doing really well. :yes:
Hoping you're doing a little better *hug*