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Evil to abort?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Nikki_S
    but i suppose calling it potato is bonding with it isnt it!
    Definitely!

    Having my son was the best thing ive ever done, its bloody hard work, but soooo rewarding. If you think youre ready and dont mind broken sleep then go for it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Knee High Stripy Socks
    (to rainbow brite)
    ! I want a baby.


    ]

    ahhhhh must be something in the air - everyones getting broody
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hehe might do! the support is definitely encouraging! I babysat my friends baby today and i wasnt very broody, but had i not been pregnant i sed to my other friend who was with me (who was broody) that i would be broody! I posted in the student forum but can i get asked to leave college? does anyone know?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the worst thing of all. How the HELL do i tell my mam?!!!! Im scared that she'll get depressed(she has a history of it), im sure she'll be upset and mad, that i can take but i dont want her to be depressed :( plus when ive been withher today ive been thinking 'what if i told her now?' and i dontthink im gonna be able to bring myself to do it! (bytheway im leaving it til afte enw year to tell her if im keeping it as i dont want to ruin the holidays for my family)

    My sister would do the dirty work for me if i asked her, should i do that and avoid my mam for a few days til shes got her head clear? (i live at home with mum and dad so id have to stay at my boyfs or my sisters house!)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by bad seed


    I've answered in the Student forum, but I think no, they can't make you leave because you're pregnant...they'll probably have a creche, too.

    there is a creche at each campus for free if you claim benefits but its not a good thing to say about claiming benefits on here is it! I was just wondering if theyd not want me tehre coz im a risk
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You could write her a letter? or just tell her you are happy about it and you want her to be happy too. She might be upset, but if she thinks youre happy about it and are being realistic about what having a child involves, then hopefully she will come around to the idea.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would think it would be illegal for them to chuck you out for being pregnant, I know its illegal for employers to sack people for being pregnant. If theres some things you cant do because of being pregnant, then they are legally bound to find you alternatives. You might find keeping up with your coursework a bit of a problem if you suffer from sickness or anything, and remember not to overdo things.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, they can't ask you to leave college, but they can advise you on taking a year out. I had a baby as I got my degree and I was going to go back for 4th year, but once he was here I decided to wait a year before either going back to uni or working full time. There really is no point in making plans etc about work/college when you are pregnant because not only does your life completely change, you change too. Make rough plans and leave your options open. Set up your college place, look at the possibility of working part time etc.

    Really all this is irrelevant as you haven't decided on what you will do about the baby. I remember the thread you posted in November about wanting a baby and you were so passionate about it! Nothing Rainbowbrite or I could talk you round. The fact that you are freaking out now is possibly just the reality of it all. There's nothing quite as shocking to the system as seeing those two wee lines!

    Whatever decision you go with, you won't make it lightly and neither is the easy option. Motherhood can be hard, but it is also the BEST thing you will ever do and completely worth it. On the other hand, abortion can affect you in ways you never thought possible. I had an abortion at 19 and suffered from severe depression for about a year and a half afterwards. But now, harsh as it sounds I know I made the right choice for me at the time.

    Your student services dept at college will be able to help you through this and can talk you through the ins and outs of the situation. If you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy then they can help you with financial advice, housing, negotiating time off with lecturers for scans etc. Likewise it is also good to have them onside if you go ahead with an abortion as if you are really upset you may miss cousework or exams. They can help you appeal etc.

    You know that 3 weeks is pretty early to be testing? The tests can detect pregnancy from the day your missed period was due, but you'd be best to confirm with the doctor before you start freaking majorly.

    Good luck anyway and let us know how you get on. If you want to chat you can PM me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im making a silly point here bytheway:p it wasnt two lines it was a pink dot!!!!*cough*excuse me!

    erm what was the other thing i wanted to say?!! the test was taken the day i was due on, yesterday, it came out positive the test claims to be 99% effective and as good as a doctors test, plus the pregnancy book my friend has sayd that a positive result is more likely to be true than a negative....so im pretty sure im PG!!!(and i stil havent had my period!) im only 3 weeks according to a sites calendar thing that gives you an estimation by ur cycle length and date of last period :)

    /\ totally friendly post bytheway, i sound like im being cold but im not!! :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Nikki_S
    Im only 3 weeks pregnant MAXIMUM so im givin myself til after new year to decide, i would like to keep it, its just, im havin itchy feet

    Just a few things for you to think about :)

    Having a new baby is hard work. If you have a baby that sleeps well you're one of the lucky ones. Some people have children that even by the age of 2 do not sleep properly.

    Money will be very, very tight. You will most probably want your new baby to have the best of everything. Nappies cost an absolute fortune. You will be that skint, beleive me Ive been there I know. You wont be able to afford to just go and treat yourself to a new skirt or trousers, you will do without because you will want baby to have everything.

    Currently you will be just able to come and go as you please. A mate asks you to go out for the night so you just say yeah ok, and your'e off. You are feeling like shit because youre not well at the moment you can just go to bed, not when the baby comes along because he needs feeding, bathed and obviously he's a baby so he cant just play to amuse himself, your boyfriend is at work so you will have to cope when your'e feeling so ill. You may say its ok "mum will have him" but it doesent always work that way, your'e mum could be away for the day, on holiday or whatever.

    You sex life will go down hill. Beleive me you will be that knackered the last thing you want is sex. Any new mum will tell you the same, sometimes even after 6 months it might not have returned, so can Daddy wait that long?

    Toddelrs obviously go through teething. The baby could be screaming half the night in pain. Your shattered because youv'e had no sleep and all you want to do is just shut the baby up. It doesent matter what you do and you cant stop the baby from crying, so you get all emotional. Daddy comes in from work and you will expect him to take over, but dont forget he's been up half the night too, hes shattered because he's just done a bloody hard days work. All Daddy wants to do is have his tea and flake out infront of the telly. So who do you shout at? yeah Daddy.

    So theres a few bad pointers to look at:)

    Babies are gorgeous, they are cute but they can be very demanding and real hard work. Thats the downside.

    So if you are the type of person who wants to come and go as they please. Want your freedom and basically have a good time then having a baby should be at the bottom of you list of things to do now. If you feel that you are not ready to have a baby, terminating a pregancy is not *evil*.

    All I would say is to think very carefully before you make any rash decisions.

    Good luck, Hope it all works out well :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You sex life will go down hill. Beleive me you will be that knackered the last thing you want is sex. Any new mum will tell you the same, sometimes even after 6 months it might not have returned, so can Daddy wait that long?


    all i can say is, dunno but my best friends sexual appetite has increased! Shes had perfect pregnancy though! She was happy on gas and air, never got strectch marks and had her own skinny figure back 2 weeks later! hmmph! bet i get a worse pregnancy to balance it out :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo


    You sex life will go down hill. Beleive me you will be that knackered the last thing you want is sex. Any new mum will tell you the same, sometimes even after 6 months it might not have returned, so can Daddy wait that long?


    Nope. I know it's the norm, but my sex drive has increased majorly from the moment I had my baby. And I mean as early on as in hospital. I think I had a misplaced stitch that was turning me on!::eek:
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo


    Toddelrs obviously go through teething. The baby could be screaming half the night in pain. Your shattered because youv'e had no sleep and all you want to do is just shut the baby up. It doesent matter what you do and you cant stop the baby from crying, so you get all emotional. Daddy comes in from work and you will expect him to take over, but dont forget he's been up half the night too, hes shattered because he's just done a bloody hard days work. All Daddy wants to do is have his tea and flake out infront of the telly. So who do you shout at? yeah Daddy.

    Some babies also teeth with not much fuss. My son broke his first tooth recently and I didn't have a bad night with him at all. He was a bit grumpy sometimes during the day, but it was bearable (ie, i didn't want to tear my hair out!)

    Amd some couples bond with problems and take them in their stride. the first three weeks me and boyf hated the sight of each other with the stress and upset, but once we got used everything was rosy.

    Originally posted by BeckyBoo

    Babies are gorgeous, they are cute but they can be very demanding and real hard work. Thats the downside.

    But the upside is wonderful and worth every minute of hard work.

    Originally posted by BeckyBoo

    So if you are the type of person who wants to come and go as they please. Want your freedom and basically have a good time then having a baby should be at the bottom of you list of the list


    I used to be a selfish bitch of a good time girl. Always looking for the next party, the next drink, the next pill to pop. Now I loooooove the nights out I do get and totally make the most of them. And they're not as few and far betwen as i thought they would be

    Originally posted by BeckyBoo

    If you feel that you are not ready to have a baby, terminating a pregancy is not *evil*. All I would say is to think very carefully before you make any rash decisions.

    No, it's definately not evil. And yeah, at 3 weeks you still have a bit of time on your side (they prefer to carry out terminations before the 12th week) so think about it carefully for a few weeks before deciding anything.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Nikki_S

    all i can say is, dunno but my best friends sexual appetite has increased! Shes had perfect pregnancy though! She was happy on gas and air, never got strectch marks and had her own skinny figure back 2 weeks later! hmmph! bet i get a worse pregnancy to balance it out :D

    She is VERY unusual then, I put on 4 stone and it took me over a year to get my figure back, and even now itll never be the same again - thank God for wonderbras!
    Gas and air did nothing for me, i needed pethidine AND an epidural plus my baby was born prematurely and we had to stay in hospital for a week which was stressful. then he got colic and would scream from 7pm till 1am most nights till he was about 4 or 5 mths old. Even now at nearly 2 years old he still wakes up once or twice a night and wants to come in bed with mummy and daddy!
    Its no bed of roses, and certainly not the easy option, I dont think anything truly prepares you for motherhood.
    I still love it though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Loved up all I can say is that your one of the lucky ones :)

    But by god if you were one of the very unlucky ones I think it would put you off ever having another baby:)

    If you have a very good baby then its obviously a different story, but what if Nikki is one of the unlucky ones? Could Nikki cope with a new, screaming baby? what if Nikki got post natal depression? Would she have the support from family to help her? If Nikki went off sex could her boyfriend last without it? Can Nikki make do with only having 2 or 3 hours sleep?

    Yes I know these are downsides, which is why im putting them here. It isnt always a bed of roses and everythings not always hunky dory, you have to also think very hard about the *What ifs*

    Nikki how long have you been in this relationship? because thats also a factor.
    Nikki has a very big decision to make here, so instead of just putting good things about babies I felt that also the bad points about babies should be brought into it. Lets face it when a baby comes into the world you are at the beck and call of that child till he or she grows up which is a long time:)

    When Nikki considers all the points im sure she will make the decision that is right for her. If she decides to carry on with the pregnancy then we should support her, however if she decides to have a termination then we should all still support her and give her any advice or help that we can :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Becky, i'm totally with you on showing both the good points and bad. I didn't mean to make out it was all fluff and loveliness. As I said earlier, I had an abortion at 19 (2 years older than Nikki is now) and it was the right decision, but by the same token, I love motherhood now at 23. There is obviously a huge difference in circumstances, and I would never encourage or discourage anyone in such a huge decision.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lovedup
    Becky, i'm totally with you on showing both the good points and bad. I didn't mean to make out it was all fluff and loveliness. As I said earlier, I had an abortion at 19 (2 years older than Nikki is now) and it was the right decision, but by the same token, I love motherhood now at 23. There is obviously a huge difference in circumstances, and I would never encourage or discourage anyone in such a huge decision.

    lovedup you could be me LOL, apart from my respective ages were 17 and 24, and we even put on the same amount of weight in pregancy lol
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite


    lovedup you could be me LOL, apart from my respective ages were 17 and 24, and we even put on the same amount of weight in pregancy lol

    I was thinking that too. We seem to have quiet similar personalities too. i just checked your starsign and you are a water sign too aren't you? I'm a wee fishy pisces.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im a cancerian :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and im scottish originally!!!!!!!!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nikki how long have you been in this relationship? because thats also a factor.


    Just to answer your question...its been 14 months now :) hes being absolutely perfect about it all, its nice to not have him putting any pressure on me, aww bless him, he keeps smiling at me!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by rainbow brite
    and im scottish originally!!!!!!!!!!

    Freaky! Wheareabouts?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nikki - the first thing you need to do is make an appointment with a doctor to confirm that you are pregnant.

    Please don't make any plans until then, as thinking that you are pregnant, making a decision and then learning you were never pregnant in the first place is a very hard position to be in.

    Good luck.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know im pregnant, you dont know all the details!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lovedup


    Freaky! Wheareabouts?

    Glasgow. my dad still lives up there in the west end.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BumbleBee
    Nikki - the first thing you need to do is make an appointment with a doctor to confirm that you are pregnant.

    Please don't make any plans until then, as thinking that you are pregnant, making a decision and then learning you were never pregnant in the first place is a very hard position to be in.

    Good luck.

    Most doctors will accept the results of a home pregnancy test and wont do another test. you dont get false positives on pregnancy tests, so if it says she is pregnant, then she definitely is. you can get false negatives but not false positives.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    touchy subject this one, but im talking from experience, it is completely up to the individual as to what they want to do, its a big decision to make, I made it straight away I was only 15 @ the time, 1 i was too young, 2 i didnt have to financial help to bring it up and 3 the father buggered off as soon as he found out i was pregnant I dont agree with anyone who says abortion is wrong, its not, yes you can give the baby up for adoption but what happens when ur my age relize you cant have anymore kids? Cant tell me its not going to mess you up in a big way, it has me, They say god pays his debts, well he definatly has with me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    P.S im not a god fearing christian just using the saying.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think maybe i'd like to keep the baby, I cant give it the perfect life yet but i'll certainly have an incentive to do well at college now, plus my boyfriend has an ok paying job. Do you think its selfish to keep the baby though since i personally cant provide immediately for it?? I feel guilty no matter what i decide, whatever my decision its always for selfish reasons i suppose isnt it
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