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Feeling anxious..

*BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
in Health & Wellbeing
Hey..

Recently I have been finding things rather difficult. I feel really anxious and on edge and I am worrying about loads of things, like death and losing my job and relapsing and recovery and things. Tonight things got bad, and I had pains in my chest and something came over me, something happened. I don't know what but I didn't feel in control.

I know that the sensible thing to do is go and talk to my doctor about this, but I can't something is stopping me, I don't know what exactly. I guess maybe I feel disappointed in myself, cos I have been really trying and taking my medication daily and trying to sort my life out, and now this. I don't know. I just put so much pressure on myself to try and do the right thing and be 'happy' but the truth is maybe I just can't be 'happy'

I have always been an anxious person and worry about things a lot. But I have always had it under control until now, I don't even feel in control of things right now.

I just want to stay at home, not go to work, not go anywhere. I know it isn't an option, I have to go to work. I have to carry on. I don't feel strong right now.

The thoughts in my head are too much, I can't relapse, I just can't I 'have' been okay, other than feeling anxious all the time. The medication is controlling my moods and they are more stable, but now this has all happened and I feel like it's just another thing that is going to hurt me, and make me fail at recovery.

I am scared, really scared the thoughts in my head, are making me feel bad things, and they are making me think that bad things will happen if I relapse, I can't deal with that.

I miss having counselling, I miss having one person who I could talk to and trust.

I hate myself so much right now. I just want somebody to tell me that things will be okay and work out.

I can't stop feeling worried and panicky.

Sorry for posting another thread.
" And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Woke up feeling the same. I don't know what to do.

    I have to go to work and I feel like rubbish. Had a nightmare and woke up with my heart racing and I was shaking and crying, then couldn't get back to sleep.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Had a good time watching the little sisters play at school this afternoon, but now I feel really on edge and just not in a good place, friend who I went on holiday with contacted me, and had a massive go at me. I can't deal with any of this right now. I must just be a horrible person, and deserve for people to talk to me like crap, and be hurtful towards me.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey 'NanaMonkey!

    How horrible to be feeling so anxious. Lot of thoughts and 'what-ifs' seem to be building themselves up quite a lot in your head and it sounds like they're really making things difficult.
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    I know that the sensible thing to do is go and talk to my doctor about this, but I can't something is stopping me, I don't know what exactly. I guess maybe I feel disappointed in myself, cos I have been really trying and taking my medication daily and trying to sort my life out, and now this. I don't know. I just put so much pressure on myself to try and do the right thing and be 'happy' but the truth is maybe I just can't be 'happy'

    I have always been an anxious person and worry about things a lot. But I have always had it under control until now, I don't even feel in control of things right now.

    It's understandable to feel like you've let yourself down or feel like you're going backwards, but you haven't and you're not :)

    Our article 'Will I always have anxiety?' says it better than I can:
    Will I always have anxiety? wrote:
    "Dust yourself down and start again tomorrow" says Dr Rick. "Don't forget that you've managed to control your anxiety for all this time already, whether it's weeks, months, or even years. That time existed, it showed you're capable of enjoying your life, don't dismiss it because you're having a rough patch."

    We know it's heartbreaking, but you've been here before. You fought it then, and you'll fight it now. Really focus on your strategies, and remember there's no shame in seeking help again. It doesn't mean you've failed; you may just need to readjust your coping mechanisms to suit what's going on in your life right now.

    Going to see your doc does sound like a sensible idea - agreed :) I know you know this already, but I'll say it anyway: they're there for you and you won't be letting them down by going back to see them. Remember that things like Doc Ready or going with someone might help a bit too.

    Finally, I'm sorry to hear that your friend had a go at you. That really can't have helped. But it definitely doesn't mean you're a horrible person (we know better ;) ). From what you said about the holiday, it sounds like they are going through a rough time at the moment too. Maybe what they said is more because of that?

    Hope you had an easier night last night and have a good day at work. Let us know how you're getting on :)
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you for your reply James.

    I cant face going to see my doctor yet though :(

    I am a horrible person.

    I feel like rubbish :'(
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    :'( not strong enough for this.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Had a horrible night, got volunteering and I am not feeling to good today :(

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I went along to volunteering and it was a nice session the young people are great.. :)

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Feeling really low. Just need somebody to talk too. I am scared...

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey BananaMonkey,

    Sounds like you had a difficult night. How are you doing today?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug* never nice feeling anxious can feel really lonely but people care. what james said is some good advice.
    people care and your not a horrible person the fact you still went to volunteering proves that your caring and loving to people and willing to put others first :)

    perhaps you can try finding music or quotes or something which helps you relax
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    James wrote: »
    Hey BananaMonkey,

    Sounds like you had a difficult night. How are you doing today?
    Im okay, just really tired from hardly sleeping. But work is helping keep me going...

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    rosebud wrote: »
    *hug* never nice feeling anxious can feel really lonely but people care. what james said is some good advice.
    people care and your not a horrible person the fact you still went to volunteering proves that your caring and loving to people and willing to put others first :)

    perhaps you can try finding music or quotes or something which helps you relax
    Thank you lots :heart:

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I literally cant deal with sitting in the bus station anymore. It makes me feel really anxious and horrible, my chest hurts, its raining and the bus is late, I dont feel myself and I just want to get home..

    I dont even know why I get like this anymore. Really sucks.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    :(

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Flip sake.. when are things going to go back to how they was before I even went on holiday :(

    Hate who I am at the minute.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi BannaMonkey it's Crazykiss here. Really enjoy our chats when we are both online. Your a really socialable person. Some people would be scared to chat to loads of people straight away but u seem to have thrown urself in the deep end and go for it. Well Done you! :) u know u have always got me to talk to as we both get on dont we? You don't need to feel like u need to talk to a proffessional right now. Give it time cuz hopefully u may feel different. Remember u got through the bad times before and u can do it again. Everyone is here to support u. Rosebud is right. Maybe taking ur mind off ur anxiety like reading or watching a film can help things a little. What do u enjoy in ur spare time?
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    *hug*
    keep going.
    you can do this.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I cant sleep. Feeling really on edge and I cant stop crying.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    :( I want to hide away, I cant deal with anything, I just want cry. Having to put a brave face on at work and be happy even when inside I feel so broken.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Everything got to much today. Cried at work

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry to hear that BananaMonkey :( Whats actually happened to make u feel like this? Hopefully if u know then u can start sorting out the problem. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can help sort the problem out and not let it effect that much anymore. I know ur good friend won't be able to help u but is there someone at work who can support u like say the manager who would hopefully be able to understand ur situation? If not why not a colleague u get on with? That way u kno e someone is looking out for u.

    Do u get to see ur friends that much? Going out can sometimes lift ur spirts and u start to enjoy others company. There must be places u go to or like to go to? Remember that u don't have to be on ur own to feel useless, there's always someone either at the end of the phone or who u can visit. Have u used the helpline for Smartians at any point? May benefit u as most of the people who they talk to feel like u with not being able to enjoy the finer things in life and letting go of things by not worrying. Would u like there number?

    Hugs xx
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    Sending lots of *hug*

    How are you feeling now?
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    plugitin wrote: »
    Sending lots of *hug*

    How are you feeling now?

    Really low.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You got us on here for
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    plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    Really low.
    D'you reckon that anything in particular happened to trigger this, or has it just been a build up of things?
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    plugitin wrote: »
    D'you reckon that anything in particular happened to trigger this, or has it just been a build up of things?

    A build up of things, and today just made me feel even worse.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yh that could sometimes be the problem when u got so much on it mind trying to keep strong for people and u have to at some point just let it all out so there's no going back tomorrow to do feel sad again. You always got to make sure that whenever u feel low that u seek help if u can. It's worrying for us to hear about how it feeling. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. What kind of things has been happening to u?
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Pretty sure I have 'take all your crap out on me' written on my head. I cant deal with this anymore. Literally sat in tears and my day hasnt even started yet. Am I really that much of a horrible person.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    Pretty sure I have 'take all your crap out on me' written on my head. I cant deal with this anymore. Literally sat in tears and my day hasnt even started yet. Am I really that much of a horrible person.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk

    Take some deep breaths if you can Monkey. You're not a horrible person - you're friendly and kind :)

    I notice in what you said 'take all your crap out on me' , the 'your' is important. If someone is taking something out on you that's their responsibility and it's not a reflection on you. It doesn't feel very nice though and it can be really upsetting.

    Sounds like you feel you have enough on your own plate without taking on other people's? Would that be right?

    It's more than okay to be selfish sometimes and let people know when you need a bit of space for yourself.

    Don't forget you've got a a place in the self esteem chat tonight - it should be a really good session and it's 2 hours just for you - you could switch your phone off, get comfy and allow yourself that time.

    I hope the day brightens up for you *hug*
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you Jo. I don't know how I feel right now. Everything is too much. I just want to hide.

    My day was fine, kept me distracted, now I just feel so rubbish though

    Yeah I have already turned my phone off, so the chat should be good
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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