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Boyfriend has just dropped a bombshell

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My relationship has just ended because my boyfriend dropped the bomb that he's coming out as transgender and will be getting gender reassignment. I just don't know what to do, just last weekend we had a lovely weekend away and we were so happy, there was no indication at all. I just feel so lost right now and have no idea who to turn to, a relationship ending is bad enough but this is just a whole other level. I don't know how to deal with this, can anyone help me?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    My relationship has just ended because my boyfriend dropped the bomb that he's coming out as transgender and will be getting gender reassignment. I just don't know what to do, just last weekend we had a lovely weekend away and we were so happy, there was no indication at all. I just feel so lost right now and have no idea who to turn to, a relationship ending is bad enough but this is just a whole other level. I don't know how to deal with this, can anyone help me?

    I'm so sorry to hear this ballerina. Big hugs *hug*

    I don't think anything can help you feel better but do you have any friends or family that you could talk about this with? Or maybe just make plans that can distract you for a little bit? I found that going out with my family when I broke up with my ex helped a bit.

    I know they're different circumstances to my break up but you will get through this. I don't think he wanted to hurt you.. he must have been feeling confused himself. You'll come out of this an even stronger person and we're here for you. More hugs *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Did they end it with you or you with them?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He called me to break up with me and somewhere in the conversation said it would make more sense in a few weeks, I freaked out and pressed him to tell me and there you go
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do you believe in spell casting and you want a spell to be cast contact me

    Fuck off, how dare you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    Fuck off, how dare you

    Ignore the annoying spam, the guy clearly has nothing better to do.

    How are you doing today? Big hugs *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We're exchanging some very emotional and heart felt texts because we can't bring ourselves to talk on the phone or in person because we know we'll both fall apart. I don't know if it makes it harder that we both genuinely want to be together and circumstances are just dictating we can't rather than a simple case of falling out of love and no longer wanting to be with them. That would be a lot easier to accept I think, it happens all the time. But this doesn't
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh bless *hug*

    I understand that the circumstances must be a lot more difficult as you both clearly do care a lot about each other.

    I think what is good though is that you can be really good close friends? I understand at the moment that might be hard just thinking of him as a friend but I assume it's better than not having him in your life at all.

    Hopefully all of this will get easier soon. :heart: keep posting.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It;s just going to be difficult watching the person I fell in love with disappear. I know it's not the end of the world but it doesn't make it any easier. He says he still loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me and wishes we could just carry on but it's going to be too difficult. And I'm primarily straight, I want to be in a relationship with a man. I hope we can stay in each others lives though and that any future partners will be able to accept our friendship
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know nothing anyone can say will make this any easier, I wish there was something we could say.

    I will repeat that you're strong and you will get trough this. Let yourself work through these emotions and take as long as you need. Be kind to yourself.

    We will listen to whatever you want to say *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's a very difficult thing to go through; friends and relatives of people who transition often talk of 'grieving' for the person they thought they knew (boyfriend/son) because inevitably there will be changes to come. Not just from the physical effects of transition, but from lifting the emotional burden and mask of living in a gender assigned to the person (that is not who they really are). I think this can be a really useful way of looking at it in your case particularly. You clearly don't blame your boyfriend, but you want a boyfriend and the person you've been with can't provide that for you. It is understandable that your emotions will be all over the place, this is an emotional trauma. It's ok to let yourself feel that.
    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel as though I'm waiting for someone to die whilst also having my heart broken from being dumped. It's horrible. Dragging myself out of bed and going to work in the morning is going to be so difficult, my job involves answering the phone and customer service and I'm worried I'll break down and get sent home. To most people the end of a relationship (especially when young) isn't really that much of a big deal so it's going to look like I'm being dramatic. I'm on a temporary contract so don't want to be unprofessional, but at the same time I don't want to face the world yet. I'm going to see if I can work a half day on friday so we can meet up and talk in person.
  • plugitinplugitin Noob Posts: 2,197 The Mix Regular
    Ballerina, I know exactly how you feel. A few years ago my girlfriend was seriously considering transitioning and I was in a similar position to you. I was so upset and just was kind of shocked because she wouldn't have been who I fell in love with. Does the relationship necessarily have to end, if you are still in love? I know it will be a real uphill struggle, but perhaps he is pushing you away because he thinks he should when that doesn't necessarily have to be the case?

    I think if someone hasn't been in that situation, they will not understand it - but hopefully they would let you have the time if you needed it.

    Sending lots of *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The romantic relationship has to end, I want a boyfriend not a girlfriend. I know gender doesn't really matter but I've always known I only wanted relationships with men. When he's no longer a man he won't be entirely the person I fell in love with. He says it's not fair on me to drag me through this process and it would be too awkward and painful and I think he's right. But I think we're always going to be best friends. He says the way he feels about me hasn't changed a bit and in a perfect world we'd just carry on as girlfriends and get on with our lives together but it's not as simple as that. It's not that I'm not clued up on it (as other support forums have implied), I'm very clued up on it. It's just a shock. Last weekend we were talking about opening a tea room/book shop and he was asking me what my ring size was. A waiter even came out of his restaurant to tell us how cute we looked together. I was so blissfully content. It's all so heartbreaking but heartwarming at the same time. I'm so confused
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also mods - feel free to move this to sex and relationships if need be. I wasn't really paying attention when I made it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How are you feeling today? I hope you're a little better. Big hugs *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got through work ok, luckily everyone was preoccupied so no one really made conversation today. My voice was a bit wobbly on the phones though but I didn't lose it. I had a huge cry as soon as I left work though and was sat in traffic for half an hour. He's gone to the docs tonight to see what to do next. I've taken friday afternoon off work so we can have some privacy and talk in person for a bit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww well done for being so brave at work. You're clearly strong. It's good to have a cry.

    A talk sounds good, I hope you're feeling okay about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow, what a bummer. I guess you can't even be mad at your ex for something like that which makes the coping phase worse. Did he just recently find out he wants to be a girl?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He says it's always been there but he never really faced up to it til now. He went through a brief phase when he was 15 (I was already aware of the brief phase) but he's always been a bit eccentric and weird so I just assumed it was a normal passing teenage phase that was long gone before I came along. I still dunno what triggered the switch, the weekend before he was asking me what my ring size was. I asked him if it was all a ploy because he was in denial and he said at the time he was still in the mind set that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that he never considered breaking up with me before this week. And he says he still feels the same way, but obviously he doesn't want to put me through this. I'm not sure what set it off, I guess I'll get to know more in time. I've always struggled to understand the people that get married, have kids and hide it for decades before finally coming out with it, I kind of naively assumed relationships were more a ploy than actually real but I'm starting to see that who you fall in love with doesn't really factor in to this.
  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Ballerina wrote: »
    Also mods - feel free to move this to sex and relationships if need be. I wasn't really paying attention when I made it

    I've moved it across :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We've been talking a lot, I've stopped crying for now. We're just glad we still have each other. It's not going to be easy but we figured it would be harder to not have each other. I know it sounds like a cop out though, we just can't have a romantic relationship anymore but we still share a connection. We actually seem closer now
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Glad to hear you're feeling a little better about things. You'll get there :)
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