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Feeling Low
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm feeling pretty low at the moment. I have lost all interest in everything. The first year anniversary is soon and isn't helping. I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure at the minute and that I'm not fulfilling what everyone expects from me. I don't know...just feeling really rubbish right now.
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Don't feel like you have to fulfill what others expect of you. Do what you expect of yourself. If you constantly worry about what others want, the pressure mounts. It may even get so bad that you can't concentrate on anything else. -It could be why you've lost interest in everything.
You can't live your life pleasing others, live it for yourself. xx *hug*
I am sorry to hear how you are feeling. It's great that you have posted
Do you have any face to face support at the minute? Anybody you can talk to about how you are feeling closer to home?
I agree with what Reena has said here
"Don't feel like you have to fulfill what others expect of you. Do what you expect of yourself. If you constantly worry about what others want, the pressure mounts"
That is a very true point. Just to echo it, I think that when you think too much about what other people expect us to be like or achieve, we forget the smaller things that WE want to achieve for ourselves. Hope that makes some sort of sense.
I have felt like that where I have lacked interest in things that I once really enjoyed. To the point where I would just stay in bed, I got signed off work, and I just spent the time sleeping. Cos I didn't see any light or anything positive to work towards, or have anything to look forward to. I lost interest in everything.
I found some things to help me a lot. I will mention some here:
Finding quotes- This has helped me a lot to the point that I have a positive wall with quotes all over it, and quotes on my phone and tumblr.
Making myself go out for a walk- This helps, exercise and fresh air is great to beating the lack of motivation and interest in things.
Planning things to look forward to- Whether it's a day out with friends or family, or volunteering, it can be ANYTHING
Listening to really upbeat music- This is great to give you energy, and get you moving.
Blogging- I have also found blogging quite useful, to get my feelings out. I tend to use tumblr cos of the positive quotes and I can express myself.
Those are just a few tips to help you get back into the swing of things. Hope they help *hug*
You're not alone in this. I promise we all care about you, and you can keep posting and somebody will always be here to respond.
Stay strong lovely
I agree with what you both said about not pleasing everyone else but it's so hard to change that when it's all I've ever done...
Thanks for the suggestions Claire. I force myself to go to the gym and when I have the suicidal feelings I try and distract myself with something like reading or watching TV or focusing on some uni work if I can. I love quotes and music too but none of it is really helping.
I'm really anxious a lot at the moment but I seem to have accepted it as something that I have to live with but really I shouldn't.
I dont have any face to face support at the moment. I really should see my GP but I guess I'm worried about the outcome.
I can fully understand how you feel about talking to a doctor.
But it may help you in the long run. I am still trying to be honest with my doctor.
Like i said im always here for you. Sorry its a short response i am ill in bed.
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I was in constant, uncontrollable tears during the first anniversary. I wasn't sleeping either, so I got a short course of sleeping tablets which helped millions.
Please don't avoid the doctors- they won't think you are mad! You're exhibiting all the valid symptoms of complicated grief, which is stress related, not crazy related. (And I actually read an article to this effect the other day!).
As much as I wish it weren't, this is all part of the normal process for grief. Your doctor will want to help!
If I'm honest, my sleeping is rubbish. If it's not non-existant I'm having horrid dreams and I wake up to panic attacks. I only get one decent nights sleep a week and that's if I'm lucky.
Thank you...hearing someone else say they went through exactly the same is reassuring. I have time off from work at the later part of next week so I will make a GP appointment...in fact I'll book it Monday so no excuses!
Hope you are okay. x
I also had a strange conversation yesterday. I was talking to a friend about having children. I told her I would never have kids...when she asked me why...without even realising what I was saying, I told her I could never bring a child into this world when I couldn't be certain that I wouldn't ever do what my Dad did and that I couldn't risk putting my own chld through this pain.
I don't know what's happened to me or where it all went wrong but I do know that feeling like this is scary
I am sorry I am being useless at offering you advice right now, the truth is I don't know what to say, and I don't want to say the wrong thing. I do care though I have been reading all your posts. I hope that somebody can offer you advice and help you at least hopefully feel better. I am sorry.
I do care though and if you do need a chat I am always here, even if you need to vent, my PM box is always there.
Please take care
You are asking why do you not feel any better? These things can take a long time especially with what you went through and it must be frustrating that you keep feeling like this but remember you have come so far this past year and done so well to cope with this and trying to get through it
Trust is a massive thing which was taken from you but you will learn to trust again and you have already done so when you have posted on the boards as you have taken a lot of trust into the site to get support and advice. You are very brave and have great courage to share how you feel as not everyone can do that.
You are going to feel anxious at the moment and lots of thoughts and memories will be coming through with it running up to the anniversary but keep sharing as we are all here for you and as ClaireStephanie says big massive hugs to you! *hug*
purple_rain
As I've said in my other post, the 1st year anniversary was horrible. Then I got back onto a bit of a better level, but hit another low point around 18 months - 2 years, and since then I've been generally more on top of things.
One thing we did during one of the therapies I went to was to write - either about our parent, or a letter to them. I think what I did was just blurb about 4 pages of scribble of everything I remembered about Dad - from the beginning all the way to the end. It might help for you just to start writing and let your pen flow without censoring it.
It genuinely is worth it. Keep going. It doesn't stay like this forever.
Claire: You really have no need to apologise! Just knowing someone is reading my randomness is a help...and thank you for the offer of talking
purple_rain: Thank you for the advice. When I reflect on the whole year I think I have moved forwards massively - it just feels like a backwards step when I feel this low all over again.
Purple_roo: Don't worry - it isn't depressing - its realistic and I guess knowing its ok to still feel this way is somewhat helpful. I've written letters to him before too - I did it during my counselling sessions - it was helpful as it meant she got a better insight into my frame of mind and could help me make sense of it - I might try it again.
I made a GP appointment for Monday - I'm anxious about it as I know when I go I want to be really honest...any tips for how to get through it and telling her everything would be gratefully received? I did consider writing it all down and just asking her to read it but I thought that might seem a bit rude/weird?
Take care, and don't worry. Everything is going to be okay
No, I think writing everything down is a good way to do it - even if you use it as prompts to go through it together. As a tip, I'd say work out, as far as you can, what support you want from the doctor - i.e. at that point I knew I just wanted something temporary to help me sleep, rather than something longterm or counselling based.
Remember that you are very articulate and self-aware as a person, which should put you in good stead for her to really understand exactly how to help. And to be fair, going in and saying "My Dad died, it's the anniversary soon, and I'm really struggling" is as good a start as any!
I don't really know what I want. I think I am coming round to the idea of sleeping pills as I need something. It's getting to the stage where I am getting at most, about 2 hours of non-disturbed sleep a night which is rubbish and not helping me whatsoever. Other than that, I have no idea.
I like that...in fact I think that will really help me start the conversation - thank you!
Thank you for the advice
You're welcome
Somebody caused me to do some googling, and in the process of that I've come across this and there's a video half way down that I thought you might find useful: http://healstudy.org/
I am sorry things are so tough for you at the minute I really am. Nobody should feel that way.
Its great that your still posting to get support. Your not alone.
Keep going, your stronger than you believe
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Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
You do not deserve this bad stuff. You are a lovely person - just look how you help other people here.
Hugs xx
Big hugs x
Did you and the doctor discuss any more counselling? You'll see that the NHS page mentions several treatments, all of which are counselling based: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Post-traumatic-stress-disorder/Pages/Treatment.aspx
It will 'go away' but it's a hard slog to get there, and it's not going to be something that pills magically fix. I'd really recommend you head back into counselling to do something practical like CBT or EMDR...
I have text my manager since seeing her this morning and made it quite clear that stress is stress - work-related or not and it is impacting on my job...she's offered me time off and says "she'll support all she can" but I'll believe it when I see it! I was thinking of asking for a referral to our OHA team, especially as our OHA is specifically trained in MH issues.
I have kinda calmed down a bit since earlier - I was really tearful when I got home but I think that was because my doctor was asking for a lot of detail about how he committed suicide.
Had you booked a single appointment or a double? If you need to go and ask for a counselling referral it might be worth booking a double to ensure there's plenty of time for you.
Ok, if you're holding off till March, how about doing some self-help CBT in the meantime? Still got those links I sent you waaaaaaay back? Some of those might be useful now