Bleurghhh *Poss Triggering*

Former Member

I'm struggling so much right now. It's gone beyond grieving (or at least it feels that way) I'm stressed/depressed/anxious. I can't sleep and have come close to ending everything on several occasions. I've had 2 meltdowns at work in the past 2 days and I almost got on a plane with nothing but my bank card, passport and the clothes I was wearing. I'm in the progress of rearranging counselling for the third time but I'm just a mess.

Former Member

So sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
It's good that you can post on here though, people on here can support you and be there to offer you advice. It is good that you are in the process of sorting counseling out.
Have you talked to a doctor about how you are feeling?
Keep posting on here, let us know how you are getting on, we are here for you.

C

Former Member

No I haven't spoken to my GP. I don't know what to say and to be honest, I don't want to waste their time. I also am really struggling to even get myself to work so I have no motivation to get myself anywhere else...I can barely face getting out of bed at the moment.

Former Member

Maybe writing down your feelings and handing them the piece or paper, or reading of the paper what you want to say.
You wouldn't be wasting their time don't worry about that. Its their job to help.
I know how you feel I have recently been going through that stage myself. Its hard when you don't have the motivation to do things, i completely understand, and the doctor will to.
*hugs*

Former Member

You definitely wouldn't be wasting your GPs time. You're clearly not well, and in general the first step to improving that is seeing your GP.

You've heard the broken leg analogy before, but it hasn't changed. You wouldn't be dealing with this on your own if you had a leg at a funny angle, this is no different.

Former Member

I agree with Scary Monster on this one.. They are right you shouldn't have to deal with this on your own. I understand that it's a big step for you, you will be okay, doctors are there to help

Former Member

I will make an appointment. I just want to stop feeling like this. I want everything to go away.

Former Member

You should be so proud of yourself for taking that first step to getting yourself better :-)

Former Member

Thanks...don't really feel it though. The only thing I feel is apathy!

Former Member

Sending big hugs your way
If you wanna talk ever, just PM me :-)

Former Member

Thank you...much appreciated x

Former Member

Anytime :-)
I do understand how you may be feeling, I am currently going through a rough patch in my own life too, so its off to the doctors for me on Friday. Your not alone in things, us on here all care. And we are a community of respect and care, and also support

Former Member

Doctors for definite sweetheart. They can give you something to help, and it's not giving up - it's about recognising the type of help you need right now. Whatever the doctor says will be with the aim of getting you better. Hugs and chin up, and remember I am always at the end of a PM even if I'm not the quickest of responders.

Former Member

Good luck with the doctors Claire. I hope things work out soon.

Thanks Purple_roo - I guess I just don't see how a GP can help. Its not like he/she can take away all the things making me feel like this. They can't bring my Dad back, they can't stop my mum from being ill, they can't make work less stressful and they can't do my degree for me. And I can't do this for much longer.

Former Member

Aye, they can't do any of that. But they can help you with some respite that allows your unconscious mind to process the emotions and deal with things. They may well offer you some medication with the aim of bringing your mood up and stabilising you, to allow you to get through this stressful period. It will most likely be a temporary measure, and having meds to help you through is perfectly acceptable.

You need to start telling people about your circumstances, so that they can allow mitigating circumstances etc. You won't be producing the best work right now whilst you're under this duress, and while it is really good to have this stuff to concentrate on, you cannot be expected to be running at 100%.

Remember me talking about the PTSD jugs and complicated grief?

Former Member

I emailed uni to tell them and they've told me to contact them if I need extensions and also sent me a form to fill out that takes into account mit. circs. in general. I have until June to submit it.

Former Member

Good stuff, that's the right way to go hun.

Former Member

I just need the evidence now...I can supply them with my Dad's death certificate but it states how he died so not really happy about that...I don't have access to my Grandad's...it also says a letter from a counsellor but I need to find a counsellor I actually like first...! Who knows...might not be here by June anyway so it won't matter!

Former Member

Thankyou lovely..
hope everything works out with you aswell.

Former Member

Why might you not be here by June?

The CoD might help them to understand why you are so affected, and it's nothing to be ashamed about either.

Former Member

Because at the moment I don't know if I'll even be here by tomorrow...I just can't do any of it anymore.

I know I'm probably being stupid but whats "CoD"??

Former Member

Cause of death, sorry I appear to like acronyms

Get yourself to the doctor's hon. That's the key to getting through this. And it is possible to get through it. It's a murky way, but you can get through it.

What's up with your mum hun?

Former Member

Ah ok...I did think thats what you meant but I wanted to make sure! I guess I just don't like the way it is written on the death certificate...its a bit blunt/in your face kinda thing.

I will make an appointment with them...

She has done something to her arm/shoulder...possibly torn her muscle...she is suffering with it badly and I understand what its like because I did the same to a muscle in my back. But shes also "ill". She just seems to sleep all the time and she looks painfully thin and she's just permanently miserable which is having a serious knock-on effect for my own mood. I also seem to be her verbal punching bag 24/7 and shes acting like a child. As soon as something goes wrong in the house, its me that has to deal with it...She throws full on tantrums that would put a 2 year old to shame and I just can't handle her moodswings.

I just want to escape.

Former Member

Get your GP to write a letter, I'm sure that will do in place of a counsellor

Former Member

Thanks, I hadn't considered that! Would I have to pay for it though? I know on some occasions you have to pay for sick notes?

Former Member

If you do have to pay, it shouldn't be much. I never had to pay though.

It sounds like your mum is perhaps also suffering from something akin to depression (though please don't take me as a doctor to diagnose!) and if you can get through to her, it might be an idea to suggest she visits her doctor as well.

Made an appointment yet love?

Former Member

To be honest she's behaving like her "normal" self so I'm used to it - only my Dad took the brunt of it before.

No - you have to make it on the day and I'm not due a day off until Thursday so will go then...

Former Member

Might have done something stupid. It's all just too much.

Former Member

not too long ago, i felt the same as you are feeling now. and i suffered seriously with depression and didn't see the point in living anymore. there were days when i wouldn't get out of bed, just sit in the dark. i did things that were dangerous and stupid and seriously endangered my life. i didn't seek help from a doctor because i was too scared, but i wish so much now that i had. it took me months and months to start feeling even a little bit better, and i isolated myself from everyone who cared for me. this could have all been avoided with professional help. through some miracle i managed to recover, not completely, but enough to be happy once in a while and function properly. but giving up is never the answer, getting help is. i wish i had, and just believe me when i say things will get better one day! never give up, there are always people who care, and people to talk to.
stay strong, i'm here if you ever need to talk!

Former Member

Lovely encouragement from georgiana there. Hope the docs appointment goes well on Thursday, keep checking in with us.

What something stupid did you do, sweetheart?

Former Member

Thanks for your message georgiana...its good to hear that you got through it

Purple_roo wrote: »

What something stupid did you do, sweetheart?

A consumption of alcohol and lots of pills....not enough though seeing as I'm still here