Sexual assault

Former Member

I want to organize it. I want to do it. I'm terrified of it but I know that once I've done it, I'll be safe.

Reena

Done what hun?

I can't imagine how hard it has been for you. To feel so unhappy and unsafe, I think it's only natural after what has happened. But one day, you will be at least able to feel safe, and when you feel safe you might start to feel happy. I only hope that day comes soon for you.
Always thinking of you, Reena. xx *hug*

Former Member

I don't feel like I've done anything to help myself. I've begun to realise that it isn't possible. It isn't. It's a lie. If I had enough courage to kill myself or do something so that I wouldn't have to suffer anymore, I'd do it. I feel helpless but I'm too tired.

Reena

You have! Just being here, looking for advice and help. You are trying to help yourself.

It isn't easy to see how you can get through the pain, alone it's even harder. Never feel you have to be a certain way. If you are hurting, sad or lonely, you don't have to be, but neither do you have to force yourself to appear the opposite for everyone else.
You can only move on from these experiences when you are ready to.

You will probably feel this way for a long time, and may never fully be rid of them but even so, I still get some of the thoughts and feelings, and they still cause me pain, but I truly believe I am better off now. Maybe you can feel the same some day, I hope so with all my heart. *hug*

Former Member

I'm exhausted. I feel disgusting, my body feels unclean and disgusting. I feel depressed, lonely, tired, anxious and upset about everything. I feel wrong. I don't know what else to do. If I knew what else I could do, I'd do it. I know that I am depressed. I feel guilty about it. I feel wrong.

Reena

Have you thought about talking to someone about the depression. You wouldn't have to say anything you didn't want to talk about. You could concentrate on coping with it for the time being, then maybe you'd feel able to tackle the harder issues.

You don't have to feel lonely, I may not be the best choice, but I promise I'll always listen. Even if I'm not online, I will always try to answer and comfort you to the best of my abilities.

I know it isn't the same, but I always feel wrong. They say our experiences make us who we are, I believed I was hated because I was different, I tried so hard to fit in but it made me feel worse about myself.
A few months ago, we were visiting family, not all of my family know about my issues (because I didn't want them to know), well I had a bit of a bad day. I lost it because of bread. Because I was so disgusted by the way I was, the way I thought, I broke down. After, I felt so ashamed, I even made my grandmother cry, she thought it was her fault. Now they know.
Even though I feel wrong sometimes, I accept that part of myself, its who I am. But I'm always trying to improve the parts of me I don't like, not for anyone else just because I want to. xx

Former Member

Hun I completely empathise well completely maybe not but I understand the desperation but you have made steps your talking to us hopefully that helps I know I've joined to get the support it proves we have strength and with baby steps and continued courage you'll get there.

Former Member

I made an attempt to kill myself last night.

Former Member

Hugs

Hi Hun
Just hearing you say that makes me want to hug you. I'm so sorry you feel that way but I'm pleased your still with us and can read this. I have no idea what your going through
To get to that decision but please please if you take one thing from me it's self belief you are wonderful and worthy to live there are so many people out there and on here that can support you and encourage you to get the help you would find useful.
I so very hope you are feeling more positive today and again the next day baby steps yeah please come back on here and we can support you.
Hugs Michelle xxx

Former Member

I can't think of anything else, I have to do it. I've done nothing to help anybody else. I'm too tired. I've been destroyed by it. I know that everybody else has tried to be helpful, but I don't want it anymore. I'd be happier if they helped someone deserving of it. I know I'm not going to survive it.

Reena

Michelle is right. And never feel undeserving of help, we are all deserving of love and support when dealing with difficult matters. There isn't much we can say that hasn't already been said, but you will be sorely missed, and you will always find a friend here, who will never judge or push you.
We can't predict the future, we can't control the outside world. We can only accept the things that are, and fight for the way they could be. You say you know you won't survive it, that's how you feel, how can a feeling change your future so much? Why not change that feeling? Change that, and you could change your future.

Please remember "YOU ARE WANTED, AND SO DESERVING." Never forget that. xx *hug*

Former Member

I've got to a pint where I'm self harming and am rick bottom but I know if I go ahead with my thoughts then I know he's won why should I allow him to take what's left of my soul why should I lose my life because of the actions of others please Hun please lift your mood somehow write down your feelings at the time perhaps it will get that feeling out of your thoughts and allow more positive ones take its place. I know through my experience its hard so I can understand a little. Please keep in touch especially at those times write to us well answer you hopefully help remember baby steps. Xxx

Reena

Michelle@nottingham wrote: »

I've got to a pint where I'm self harming and am rick bottom but I know if I go ahead with my thoughts then I know he's won why should I allow him to take what's left of my soul why should I lose my life because of the actions of others

Too right! xx

Former Member

I can't stop harming myself but I don't know how to make sure it's safe.

Reena

Unflithen wrote: »

I can't stop harming myself but I don't know how to make sure it's safe.

What do you mean by make sure it's safe?
*hug* *hug*

Former Member

I meant that I'm not sure what to do to keep wounds clean or if there's things that I should or shouldn't being doing if I do harm myself.

Reena

You should keep them clean and dry, redress them every now and then with clean bandages. Antiseptic creams would be a good idea to prevent infection. Hope that helps. xx

Former Member

Hey Unflithen, we have a basic first aid article that you might find useful to read as well: http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/wellbeing/lookingafteryourself/firstaid

*hug*

Former Member

I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body.

Former Member

Unflithen wrote: »

I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body.

Hey Unflithen

Sounds like your struggling a lot right now...anything you want to talk about? How are things going with uni, etc? Are you receiving any support/have you spoken to anyone about some of the things your struggling with? I know thats a really hard thing to do but I promise it will help relieve some of the pressure that you feel by suffering alone.

Have some virtual hugs *hug*

Reena

Unflithen wrote: »

I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body. I hate my body.

There are a lot of people who care about you, if you want to talk we'll try our best. xx *hug* *hug*

Former Member

I feel so disgusting. Everything is disgusting. I want to scrape off my skin. I want to scrape it all off.

Reena

Unflithen wrote: »

I feel so disgusting. Everything is disgusting. I want to scrape off my skin. I want to scrape it all off.

Have you received any help? I understand how hard this must be, and if you're still struggling to talk to others about how you're feeling or what you're thinking, you don't have to but please consider speaking to someone, anyone. xx

Former Member

I'm too tired to fight against it. I should just put myself out of my own misery.

Former Member

Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. Crying.

Former Member

Unflithen wrote: »

I'm too tired to fight against it. I should just put myself out of my own misery.

Why?

Former Member

G-Raffe wrote: »

Why?

I'm exhausted. It's tiring and pointless and I don't understand myself anymore.

Former Member

I always feel massively concerned when people feel this way when something happens to them when it isn't their fault. I'm being honest when I saw I will never be able to truly understand what you are going through, as I have not been through it myself. However, I can empathise will you completely. I've been there, on my own when I've pondered the question of "is it all worth it". Some people might say that "there are always those worse of than you", but even if there was it doesn't matter. What matters is YOU. People are always here to listen to you and hear you when you need to vent off, but ending it all isn't the right way to go about thing. In my eyes it doesn't really solve anything, it might effect others, but don't stress yourself out about that, as I've said above it is about how you feel and not others. Things are tough, they are scary, they are difficult to deal with, but people are here for you to talk to. I know my words might not help you that much, but you have already made one of the biggest steps by opening up about things, no matter how little or much you have said. It's a very brave step and shows you are made of pretty stern stuff. Like I said, we're all here for you, so don't feel alone or abandoned.

Reena

Unflithen wrote: »

I'm exhausted. It's tiring and pointless and I don't understand myself anymore.

I think there are very few people in the world you truly understand themselves. We could live to be a 100 and still not know ourselves. But I think we're more aware of it when we are depressed.
We start to question more and more why we don't understand, and believe that it's us as people who are to blame instead of the disease. We get frustrated because deep down we know it isn't right to feel depressed, but we can't see that it's the depression making us feel this way. There is nothing wrong with you, it takes a long time to really understand yourself.

Wish I had all the answers for you, but I don't I'm sorry. xx

Former Member

Bad things are going to happen tonight because I deserve it.