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Sexual assault
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I almost did that. I sometimes thought that if I made myself do it, that I could just blindly try to forget about everything that happened and ignore how I felt. I'm so glad I didn't because I know that I really couldn't cope.
The CALM helpline is open from 5pm until midnight today (Saturday) - it's confidential and anonymous and it wont show up on your phone bill, you can speak to a trained advisor that can talk things through with you and listen - 0800 58 58 58
If you're struggling, is there a close friend or someone that you trust that you could call and have some company for a while? When your emotions feel overwheleming it can help to do something really 'normal' to bring you back to yourself - put some washing on, do the hoovering, watch your favorite film, go for a walk round the block and breathe in the fresh air, the radio can also be good company to fall asleep to.
We're listening so keep posting *hug*
I forgot to mention that I can't call them, it would cost me because I wouldn't be calling using 3, Vodafone or any of the others. Anywhere else?
You could use a phone box?
Survivors UK specifically help men who have been raped or sexually assaulted so you may find them useful.
Their helpline is open tonight (Monday) and tomorrow from 7pm to 9:30pm. If you call them and explain you have a money situation, they'll call you right back so you don't have to pay for the call. Their number is 0845 122 1201. They have over 20 years experience chatting to men who've been through the same thing you have, so should be really helpful.
Do you feel like you could give them a call?
Do keep posting, someone's always here listening. *hug*
Holly
Sounds like you had a rough time last night. How are you feeling this morning?
You say that "talking about it didn't help", did you try talking to anyone last night? Do you feel like telling us what happened?
You're not wasting anyone's time at all. Keep posting as much as you need to, we're here to help.
Let us know how you're getting on.
Holly
I called NHS Direct as I didn't feel safe and I didn't know who to speak to. I felt guilty about telling them about it. They told me to go and speak to someone and I'd basically to repeat myself. I was too tired to do anything when I arrived home, didn't sleep, and can barely remember what I did yesterday, what I'd said, what was said, or what I thought it would do to help. Going to go and speak to someone about everything that happened, but don't know if I want to make a statement.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I'm being genuine to anybody. I never talk about my problems anyway, so whenever I do speak about them, I feel like I'm not worth it, like I'm wasting their time and that my problems are meaningless and pointless and that there are others more deserving.
You've achieved something that's not easy, opening up and admitting you feel unsafe right now is a brave thing to do, it shows real strength. Be kind to yourself from here on in and try not to worry about what you did or didn't say last night. It's natural to feel guilty, but do try to remember that there are people and organisations out there that exist entirely to offer support and guidance around this. They genuinely care and will want to ease you through the next steps from here. Whatever happens it can be on your terms.
Are you feeling pressure to make a statement at all? Often, depending on who you tell, there is pressure to make a statement or to tell the police. Right now it's more than ok to take your time with that decision and wait until you feel ready. You might decide you don't want to tell the police at all, and that's fine! Ask yourself 'what's best for me right now? How am I best going to get through this?'
The big picture will come in to view eventually, right now your head might be full of worries and questions about what's going to happen. How about taking things bit by bit, let yourself feel what you're feeling and allow yourself today to recover a little. Take each day as it comes as you move forward with talking about what happened. There are no set rules in this and you need to do what feels right for you.
Big hugs *hug*
Nightmares and flashbacks have been happening again too, graphic, physical, I woke drenched in sweat.
I'm not being pressured into making a statement by anybody else, other than myself I suppose. I can't cry when I think about it either. Is that wrong? I can't really cry about anything. It's hard to cry.
On one of the sites it was all about male victims of sexual assault, others were sharing their experiences there. I can't remember its name but I posted it on the thread. Maybe that can be your safe place.
The feelings that you're describe are very normal responses to what happened to you. I'm copying some 'common feelings' from SurvivorsUK, an organsation that specialises in helping men who are victims of sexual assault, below. Hopefully you will find it reassuring and know that you are not alone.
If you want somewhere safe to talk, where there will be no pressure, it really is worth giving Survivors UK a call tonight. Their helpline is open from 7pm to 9:30pm. The number is 0845 122 1201. They'll even call you back so it won't cost you money on your phone.
This is what they say about their helpline on their website, which also hopefully may be reassuring for you.
You may feel a bit bombarded with informations and helplines, but it's great that you're reaching out for help.
Let us know how you get on.
Holly
Their helpline is next open tomorrow between 12-2:30pm. It might be worth telling the people you live with that you're expecting a call so they don't keep coming into your room? Or is there anywhere nice and quiet outside (weather permitting) you could call from?
If you're feeling desperate in the meantime, it's worth remembering the Samaritans are always there to listen on 08457 90 90 90. Or, if calling is tricky, you can email them to chat on jo@samaritans.org
Mankind are also a similar organisation that offer advice and support to men who have gone through what you've been through. I'm giving you a link here to an online form.
I know you've been perhaps a bit bombarded with links and phone numbers and email addresses. Just take your time and do what you need to do, when you need to do it. There's no pressure to respond in any particular way.
It sounds like you felt a bit calmer yesterday after listening to music. So it may help to keep doing that too.
And, of course, if you need to keep posting, please do. *hug*
Hey Unflithen, I've changed the thread title for you.
It sounds like you had another long night last night and you say you're tired and weak, look after yourself today and try to get some rest if you can. What music do you like listening to? Maybe you could make a playlist today?
If they don't stop coming into your room, even when you ask them not to. It might be extreme, but what about buying a lock? If its against the rules, have you got anything to prop up against the door, a chair or chest of draws?
Its wrong that you can't have privacy in your own room. The people you're living with sound as if they have no respect for others personal space. I would never go into my sister's or brother's bedrooms without permission, and they are my family.
Its not fair for them to think its ok, they should learn some manners.
xx