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Sexual assault

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Comments

  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    You don't deserve it. It's the depression telling you that. xx *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My skin feels so dry, sensitive, disgusting. I feel so unclean and I hate it. I hate everything. I hate all of it. I don't want my skin. I want to scrape it off, all of it.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    I saw your posts, about the self harm, are you ok? How are you doing now? *hug* :( *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I still feel disgusting and I've an urge to do it again and make it worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wish I could just end it all. Everything. I'm too tired. I can't fight it anymore. I can't. I don't deserve any of it. I just want to be dead. I want to be safe from everything and from hurt and pain and suffering and I know that I want it more than anything.
  • Starry nightStarry night Posts: 674 Incredible Poster
    Unflithen wrote: »
    I wish I could just end it all. Everything. I'm too tired. I can't fight it anymore. I can't. I don't deserve any of it. I just want to be dead. I want to be safe from everything and from hurt and pain and suffering and I know that I want it more than anything.

    If you held on and didn't do it you would be closer to the pain ending in life. No pain lasts forever. Things will get better, no matter how long it takes. You feel disgusting and worthless right now but you are not. Keep in there. It will all get better. Think of your parents, your friends, the people who are just rooting for you because they know how low you have felt (I'm one of them btw). I know you are in a dark place but it will all get better, and you will be a stronger person that will do great things. PM me if you want to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've done nothing to help anybody else. I don't deserve any help.
  • Starry nightStarry night Posts: 674 Incredible Poster
    Unflithen wrote: »
    I've done nothing to help anybody else. I don't deserve any help.
    People deserve help whether they have helped somebody or not. You are a living being and so deserve help, in my book at least. There will be more people than you think who like you, trust me. No one is ever alone. There will be someone who's heart you will break if you die. You will make them feel some of the pain you are feeling now. You deserve help because you are going through a very difficult time. Everybody at certain point has a shit time-this is yours. You deserve help and compassion.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't. I don't deserve help. Life can't be difficult because nothing will happen to make it better. Nothing will be done. Nothing will be better. I have to suffer because it has to be. If I don't die, I'll make myself suffer because I deserve it. I deserve pain because it makes me feel alive. It's a comfort. I like pain, its like a friend.
  • Starry nightStarry night Posts: 674 Incredible Poster
    Unflithen wrote: »
    I don't. I don't deserve help. Life can't be difficult because nothing will happen to make it better. Nothing will be done. Nothing will be better. I have to suffer because it has to be. If I don't die, I'll make myself suffer because I deserve it. I deserve pain because it makes me feel alive. It's a comfort. I like pain, its like a friend.
    You deserve help. Even people who have done terrible things deserve forgiveness and compassion and I think that you haven't done anything wrong either. You think you deserve this pain but you do not, nobody does. Everybody has bright, beautiful qualities within them, you are denying yours and your right to be happy. Every pain ends and you will be happy, eventually. You are stopping yourself because you feel you deserve it, that is why you think that nothing can be done, or will change. It will. Lots of people who have been depressed and suicidal thought that nothing will change and get better, but it did. That is true for a variety of people regardless of their virtues and vices. Nobody deserves pain.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to feel pain because if I don't, I'll feel nothing and it makes me so frightened because I'll feel like I'm already dead. I hate it. I hate this. I'm not ill. I'm not depressed. It's a lie. Everything is a lie. Depression is a lie. I hate myself. I don't know what to do anymore, nothing is helping me. Nobody should help me, it's a waste.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what help are you receiving, if any? when you went to the hospital that time what did they do? are you getting any support? not trying to be nosy just wondering because you obviously need some help that isn't just off the boards. be safe.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what help are you receiving, if any? when you went to the hospital that time what did they do? are you getting any support? not trying to be nosy just wondering because you obviously need some help that isn't just off the boards. be safe.

    I got too nervous to go so I stood outside. They'll not do anything, other people I know have said that they can't do anything because I've not broken a bone so it isn't as important.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aw I see :-/ did you not say something in the other thread about possibly being treated for bipolar? sorry if I got mixed up with somebody else. so you've never asked for help off anybody, your GP or anything? are you too scared to ask? x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Could do something serious to myself. Fighting against it but I want to suffer.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    Unflithen wrote: »
    Could do something serious to myself. Fighting against it but I want to suffer.

    Starry night is right you are so deserving of support. If you weren't you wouldn't have so many standing beside you on thesite.
    Do you really want to suffer? Or is that the depression talking? Because it's in our heads we tend to believe it in our hearts, why would we think these things if they weren't true. But they're not, it's the illness taking over, making you believe you deserve pain, that no one cares, that they and you would be better off dead.
    It's not true. You should be happy, live a long life, be surrounded by loving friends and family, and you can have that as long as you don't give up. Keep fighting. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't know

    it really depends how long after. i only had sex at 16 and the abuse ended at 11 or so.
    but i think it feels normal. just don't drink before fixing problems. it will make u reminisce the past and connect it to present.
    how to get help? you can't just jump steps. if u don't press charges you'll get stuck in a conflict with time.
    then after u press charges the rest of whoever handles this will advise you.
    word of caution; pressing charges can be more horrible then the abuse in itself, but it's a necessary step.
    be sure before you talk, request ONLY female integrator.
    then next step is hospitals or ,well depends how you'll handle the next step.
    good luck.
    oh and yea, i don't advise u trying to have sex before getting help.
    simply don't.
  • ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets Posts: 186 Helping Hand
    Hi There,

    Sex after a sexual assault is the most difficult thing to deal with. It is perfectly okay for you to feel like you want to. The assault was not a reflection on your character and most certainly not your fault. Whether it was 10 years ago, or yesterday it is important you receive the help and support you deserve.

    I was assaulted 8 years ago and I didn't tell a soul until 6 months ago. I haven't personally had sex yet, and it's been really difficult to want to do it with my partner but he's understanding and has gone at my pace. If you want to talk about it and really feel like you need professional support, I would recommend your local Rape Crisis. I recently finished some counselling with them and they were wonderful. They didn't make me talk about what actually happened. They helped me through the emotions following it. You can talk to them about it too if that is what you want. Anything that is said to them is kept confidential and they do not push you to report anything. They take you seriously and believe you 100%. I received support from an ISVA (Independant Sexual Violence Advisor) within the organisation and she met with me and a police officer to discuss what would happen if I were to report it. Reporting is not for everybody, but it is very important to consider. I personally chose not to report what happened to me but it will always be your choice and you will ALWAYS be in control no matter what. I think the only time they would not keep it confidential is if you were under the legal age of consent at the time (16) and the offender was over 16.

    If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask!

    Take Care,
    ShatteredSecrets

    I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hi there ShatteredSecrets,

    Thanks for posting and sharing your experience :)

    I'm just dropping by to let you know that we generally tend to avoid posting in threads that haven't been active in a while. This is for a few reasons, which you can read in our Good Manners Guide. The last post in this thread was around 3 years ago, so I'm going to close it now.

    Do feel free to carry on posting on the boards and start a new thread if there's anything you'd like to talk about :)

    James
  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hi there ShatteredSecrets,

    Thanks for posting and sharing your experience :)

    I'm just dropping by to let you know that we generally tend to avoid posting in threads that haven't been active in a while. This is for a few reasons, which you can read in our Good Manners Guide. The last post in this thread was around 3 years ago, so I'm going to close it now.

    Do feel free to carry on posting on the boards and start a new thread if there's anything you'd like to talk about :)

    James
This discussion has been closed.