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help please with guy from club

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I really dont know what to do lately i seem to have near misses with guys. I was out on saturday at a gig and was standing there with my mate when this blonde came over making a joke.... Anyway he was kinda cute and we did talk a couple of times but didnt think anything of it.

Yet i found out that the guy seemed to really like me as was hanging round me alot and we did talk. My friend pointed it out and her sis did but we didnt exchange names/nos and i really did like him but thought someone nice looking like that would be interested in someone like me.

Ive got his name and his a mate of my mates ex bf people say just to add him and send him a message on fb but i didnt think it was a good idea.

Well i added him and he replied this was the reply i got

well i messaged him saying a bit random but u were at the acdc concert and was talking to me you didnt give me your name but knew you were mates with dan and was nice talking to u can i add u on here

his response was

Hey! yeah i remember u thanks for seeking me out, That gig was awesome but think i may have burnt myself out a bit too much. Id also like to appologise for any strange behaviour i was a bit wasted

which i replied and he gave me a lengthly reply but he hasnt replied to the other messge yet and he added me not other way round

what to doooooooo

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Jacobs_gal,

    It's always really difficult to try and work out what someone wants or feels from short messages on Facebook or texts, and you can drive yourself mad trying to interpret messages!

    First of all, what do you want? Would you like to see him again? You said you really liked him, so I guess you do? :) You also said you didn't think he would like you - so it might be worth looking at this article on boosting your 'pulling' confidence and overcoming that horrid (and untrue) 'not good enough' feeling.

    It sounds like you are having a Facebook conversation now - you say he has given you a long reply to your last message. Maybe he doesn't feel the need to reply to the other message as you are already chatting. What did he say in his reply?

    If you like him, you could continue chatting on Facebook and find out some more about him. It sounds like you have similar music tastes, so perhaps if chatting online is going well, you could suggest you meet up at another gig, or go to something together? It's often a good idea to get to know someone you like as a friend first, and then, its easier to relax and work out if there might be something between you. You might want to have a look at this info on asking someone out.

    Hope this helps a bit :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey guys well i spoke to him on saturday as well talked for 45 mins he gave me lengthly replies so dont know aarghhh
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jesus stop making it so difficult on yourself. He digs you, (apologies for the term 'digs', I've been watching some American shows and it's inadvertently entered my vocabulary) a guy doest chat to a girl for 45mins if he's not interested, fact. If you think someone likes you they probably do, unless your a narcissist. it's your subconscious giving you the heads up.

    Let the guy chase you though, play the game, he'll respect you more for it.
    He's going to ask you out if he's got a pair, you play it nonchalant.
    Your really busy with something, washing your hair maybe, that's one of my favourites, or possibly a big darts match is scheduled and your really hitting your doubles.
    He'll try and rearrange, you accept on the second try.
    Congratulations your on top, he'll probably buy dinner.
    Remember your the prize.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I asked a girl out and she said she was busy and made no effort to suggest a time when she wasn't busy, I'd take that to mean she wasn't interested. Games are for children.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Voltaire wrote: »
    Let the guy chase you though, play the game, he'll respect you more for it.
    He's going to ask you out if he's got a pair, you play it nonchalant.
    Your really busy with something, washing your hair maybe, that's one of my favourites, or possibly a big darts match is scheduled and your really hitting your doubles.

    Sit at home, alone, for the rest of your life because you played stupid games with people who dont deserve it.

    just ask him out for a drink
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jacobs_gal wrote: »
    hey guys well i spoke to him on saturday as well talked for 45 mins he gave me lengthly replies so dont know aarghhh

    Hey jacobs_gal, what is it you don't know? Are you unsure whether he likes you? Or just unsure what to do next?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I asked a girl out and she said she was busy and made no effort to suggest a time when she wasn't busy, I'd take that to mean she wasn't interested. Games are for children.

    So you've never had that situation?
    It's psychological, if something's too easy people get bored.
    I'm saying it how it is, sometimes there is mutual attraction but normally one person will chase the other more.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If someone's too boring then people get bored. I don't know about you, but I've never stopped hanging out with a friend because it was too easy to win their friendship. Talking about "too easy" suggests that there's some sort of goal. I prefer to hang out with a girl I like because I enjoy her company, not as something I have to go through to achieve my goal (which is presumably "getting in her knickers").

    I don't put a lot of stock in the sort of amateur psychology peddled by self-help relationship gurus and the like.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if someone's too boring then people get bored. I don't know about you, but i've never stopped hanging out with a friend because it was too easy to win their friendship. Talking about "too easy" suggests that there's some sort of goal. I prefer to hang out with a girl i like because i enjoy her company, not as something i have to go through to achieve my goal (which is presumably "getting in her knickers").

    I don't put a lot of stock in the sort of amateur psychology peddled by self-help relationship gurus and the like.

    ^This
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If someone's too boring then people get bored. I don't know about you, but I've never stopped hanging out with a friend because it was too easy to win their friendship. Talking about "too easy" suggests that there's some sort of goal. I prefer to hang out with a girl I like because I enjoy her company, not as something I have to go through to achieve my goal (which is presumably "getting in her knickers").

    I don't put a lot of stock in the sort of amateur psychology peddled by self-help relationship gurus and the like.

    I'm talking specifically sexual relationship, not friendship. People are more likely to go out for a drink with someone who is deemed a friend because they don't have to wake up next to them the next day. I'm sure you'll agree that more thought has to be put into a possible sexual relationship, the emotional stakes are higher with more chance of getting hurt.
    I'm not some kind of sexist pig who see women as objects, and i can see that your going to try and tar me as one, i love women and i especial love talking to smart women, I also understand that there is a different social dynamic to a friendship and someone that you'd like to date. Maybe you see them as one and the same?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fostress wrote: »
    Hey jacobs_gal, what is it you don't know? Are you unsure whether he likes you? Or just unsure what to do next?

    yes i guess i do think that.... but i did talk to him the other day and he went offline for a bit and a couple of hours later he popped up saying hi on chat so i guess thats a good sign :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think you're a misogynist, Voltaire, but I do think you're an idiot. Of course you like talking to "smart women", everyone does, because if you find someone interesting and entertaining you see them as "smart". I'm yet to meet someone who enjoys talking with people they consider to be as thick as pigshit.

    Games are for children and for people who are emotionally stunted. If you like someone you should ask them out. I'd agree with you if you were saying that ringing someone 47 times a day for a date might be a bit of a turn off, but playing hard to get is just ridiculous. It's good to make yourself look busy and interesting but you have to look busy and interesting- saying "I'm staying at home to watch the darts" is as good as saying "fuck off you ugly fuck".

    To the OP, if you're worried about doing something too "datey" why don't you do something with a bit less pressure on. Why don't you do lunch somewhere, even if it's just a latte and a cake, and see what happens. There's much less pressure- if you get on like a house on fire you've got all day with them, but if things go wrong you've got an escape route. Far better than booking some massive romantic date only for it to fall flat. Though if a man is talking to you so much then I think he's interested!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think you're a misogynist, Voltaire, but I do think you're an idiot. Of course you like talking to "smart women", everyone does, because if you find someone interesting and entertaining you see them as "smart". I'm yet to meet someone who enjoys talking with people they consider to be as thick as pigshit.

    Games are for children and for people who are emotionally stunted. If you like someone you should ask them out. I'd agree with you if you were saying that ringing someone 47 times a day for a date might be a bit of a turn off, but playing hard to get is just ridiculous. It's good to make yourself look busy and interesting but you have to look busy and interesting- saying "I'm staying at home to watch the darts" is as good as saying "fuck off you ugly fuck".

    To the OP, if you're worried about doing something too "datey" why don't you do something with a bit less pressure on. Why don't you do lunch somewhere, even if it's just a latte and a cake, and see what happens. There's much less pressure- if you get on like a house on fire you've got all day with them, but if things go wrong you've got an escape route. Far better than booking some massive romantic date only for it to fall flat. Though if a man is talking to you so much then I think he's interested!

    I hope so hate to think hes been chatting to me for an hour out of politeness!
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