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needing relationship advice

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
i need to ask... im 16 and my girl is 16. we've been going out for 2 1/2 years and we haven't gotten any farther than frenching... i mean, im not the most amazing guy in the world and im pretty normal. am i doing something wrong? im always nice and polite i try to make her happy, but in the end all my relationships end with me being a really nice guy but i don't want you anymore. im bipolar, adhd, and i pretty much depressed all the time... the only relief i get is smoking my weed... im never this way around her and i never smoke around her. but no matter how hard i try it's like my life is destined to be lonely. i love her to death but i just don't know what to do. can i get some advice please? (please note that i don't care about the sexual part im still a virgin but i don't want to be hurt anymore...)

Comments

  • *Holly**Holly* Moderator Deactivated Posts: 140 Settling in
    Hi there EMOxDUCKY and welcome to TheSite :wave:

    You say you “don’t want to be hurt anymore”, can I ask what your girlfriend is doing to make you feel hurt?

    It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on in your life at the moment and anyone would feel overwhelmed. But can you think what is it specifically about your life and relationship that is making you feel so down? Have you talked to her about how you feel?

    You’ve asked for advice – and you’ve come to the right place :) I’m just wondering what it is about you and your girlfriend you want advice on and we can go from there. Perhaps you’re not sure where the relationship is going or worried you might just end up friends?

    We’re here to help so keep posting and let us know how you’re getting on.

    Holly
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    EMOxDUCKY wrote: »
    i need to ask... im 16 and my girl is 16. we've been going out for 2 1/2 years and we haven't gotten any farther than frenching... i mean, im not the most amazing guy in the world and im pretty normal. am i doing something wrong? im always nice and polite i try to make her happy, but in the end all my relationships end with me being a really nice guy but i don't want you anymore. im bipolar, adhd, and i pretty much depressed all the time... the only relief i get is smoking my weed... im never this way around her and i never smoke around her. but no matter how hard i try it's like my life is destined to be lonely. i love her to death but i just don't know what to do. can i get some advice please? (please note that i don't care about the sexual part im still a virgin but i don't want to be hurt anymore...)

    It is really hard to give advice when you don't really know what's wrong. By the sound of things I guess your girlfriend is either not ready yet, or just not the right for you. It is a bit baffling why she'd be with your for 2,5 years when she thinks you are not right for her, however. The best shot you have tho, is talking to HER about it, and try to find out where the problems are WITH the person you have troubles with. Maybe she is having troubles being with someone who is depressed a lot. I cannot really imagine being with a sad and depressed person all the time that is dragging me down too. Sounds harsh, but it is how it is. If you try to suggest things to do or cheer someone up and all you get is a "meh", you are usually not trying for much longer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know i have clinical depression sorry dont mean to be a downer. but it's like this. we started dating my fresman year. i saw her everyday and we were happy, but she changed schools, and now i see her mayber once a week, maybe not even that, and she almost never talks to me, but when we do get together, were happy, you can feel it in the air. young love huh? someone once said young love is two people with only one thing on their mind. but im not that much worried about it. we'll get there when we do. but it seems like she keeps distancing herself from me. i always try to make her happy, and when i do i'm sincerly happy. i guess the point would be, (sorry not a very social person so it's hard for me to get to what im trying to say) it just doesn't seem like she's interested in me anymore? and holly, (not trying to sound like a dick here i just can't think of a better way to word this, so forgive me if it sounds this way) the first girl i ever had, she was amazing... perfect in every way imaginable. but she's in a better place now... since then, every other girl seems to keep getting farther away till i can't even climb up to get back to them... and i feel as lonely as ever.. i'm glad im alive, believe me. but i just want to know why does she keep me away? why does every time i need her there for me,she just pushes me away? i'd be there for her in a second, but i feel like... she can't be there when i need her... i mean, parents are there, but you need someone else ya know? i don't know i guess just having someone listen means the most... im going to her houyse on thanksgiving so i hope everything goes well. ima get off here and smoke this before i get to gone.... thanks for listening yall it means too much to put in words.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Again: It is hard to say what the real problem is. I guess the best approach would be to talk to her about your feelings, but I guess she will not recognize the problem or be in denial about it, but it's worth a try.

    Maybe she is not the girl for you. I know it sounds harsh, and I know young love, but if I had a penny for every "She/He is the one, I know it. I will die if we every get separated. We are just 14, but we both know we will be there for each other for an eternity." And one week later both bang someone else and break up.

    I think you are doing the mistake of relying your well-being and your happiness on someone else, her. This is never a good thing. Be together, be happy, but always remain an individual person and not some kind of growth on her that defines itself through her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like its just not really going anywhere tbh. Nobodys fault. Not everyone is compatible
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well thanks anyway. hope we can work this s*** out. i'll keep ya posted ^^
  • *Holly**Holly* Moderator Deactivated Posts: 140 Settling in
    Hey there

    I think Strubbles hits the nail on the head when he says:
    I think you are doing the mistake of relying your well-being and your happiness on someone else, her. This is never a good thing. Be together, be happy, but always remain an individual person and not some kind of growth on her that defines itself through her.

    It’s really natural to want to be in a relationship, but needing to be in one isn’t always the healthiest way to be. It sounds like you’re attaching a lot of your happiness to this girl- have you considered maybe working on making yourself happy instead? Do you think it’s worth finding new and better ways of coping with your depression and boosting your self-confidence? What do you enjoy doing? Consider maybe doing something you really want to do with your time. That way you may not feel so reliant on the relationship.

    Relationships should ideally be equal and you deserve to be with someone as committed to you as you are to them. They should make you happy too – it’s not all about you making them happy. You say “it’s all about her” and maybe it’s worth thinking if that’s really the sort of person who’s right for you. If you focus on making yourself happy, perhaps you’ll notice what you need and deserve.

    Am I allowed to ask what support you’re getting for your depression? You may also want to think if smoking a lot of weed is making it worse?

    Let us know how you get on.

    Big hug *hug*

    Holly
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