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needing relationship advice
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i need to ask... im 16 and my girl is 16. we've been going out for 2 1/2 years and we haven't gotten any farther than frenching... i mean, im not the most amazing guy in the world and im pretty normal. am i doing something wrong? im always nice and polite i try to make her happy, but in the end all my relationships end with me being a really nice guy but i don't want you anymore. im bipolar, adhd, and i pretty much depressed all the time... the only relief i get is smoking my weed... im never this way around her and i never smoke around her. but no matter how hard i try it's like my life is destined to be lonely. i love her to death but i just don't know what to do. can i get some advice please? (please note that i don't care about the sexual part im still a virgin but i don't want to be hurt anymore...)
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Comments
You say you “don’t want to be hurt anymore”, can I ask what your girlfriend is doing to make you feel hurt?
It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on in your life at the moment and anyone would feel overwhelmed. But can you think what is it specifically about your life and relationship that is making you feel so down? Have you talked to her about how you feel?
You’ve asked for advice – and you’ve come to the right place I’m just wondering what it is about you and your girlfriend you want advice on and we can go from there. Perhaps you’re not sure where the relationship is going or worried you might just end up friends?
We’re here to help so keep posting and let us know how you’re getting on.
Holly
It is really hard to give advice when you don't really know what's wrong. By the sound of things I guess your girlfriend is either not ready yet, or just not the right for you. It is a bit baffling why she'd be with your for 2,5 years when she thinks you are not right for her, however. The best shot you have tho, is talking to HER about it, and try to find out where the problems are WITH the person you have troubles with. Maybe she is having troubles being with someone who is depressed a lot. I cannot really imagine being with a sad and depressed person all the time that is dragging me down too. Sounds harsh, but it is how it is. If you try to suggest things to do or cheer someone up and all you get is a "meh", you are usually not trying for much longer.
Maybe she is not the girl for you. I know it sounds harsh, and I know young love, but if I had a penny for every "She/He is the one, I know it. I will die if we every get separated. We are just 14, but we both know we will be there for each other for an eternity." And one week later both bang someone else and break up.
I think you are doing the mistake of relying your well-being and your happiness on someone else, her. This is never a good thing. Be together, be happy, but always remain an individual person and not some kind of growth on her that defines itself through her.
I think Strubbles hits the nail on the head when he says:
It’s really natural to want to be in a relationship, but needing to be in one isn’t always the healthiest way to be. It sounds like you’re attaching a lot of your happiness to this girl- have you considered maybe working on making yourself happy instead? Do you think it’s worth finding new and better ways of coping with your depression and boosting your self-confidence? What do you enjoy doing? Consider maybe doing something you really want to do with your time. That way you may not feel so reliant on the relationship.
Relationships should ideally be equal and you deserve to be with someone as committed to you as you are to them. They should make you happy too – it’s not all about you making them happy. You say “it’s all about her” and maybe it’s worth thinking if that’s really the sort of person who’s right for you. If you focus on making yourself happy, perhaps you’ll notice what you need and deserve.
Am I allowed to ask what support you’re getting for your depression? You may also want to think if smoking a lot of weed is making it worse?
Let us know how you get on.
Big hug *hug*
Holly