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marriage proposals
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
how long do people normally wait before popping the question? i know the answers will vary but i'm just wondering how long people waited on here before getting engaged?
the reason i ask is that i'm 25 in a few weeks time and you know, i've started to think of my future. i'm getting on a bit now and i've started to think about having children, marriage, etc.
anyway, me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years now. we've been living together for 2 of these years. we own a house together so we are pretty serious about each other. in terms of committment, owning a house together pretty much proves that. the thing is, i get worried sometimes that he is comfortable because of this and doesn't see the point in marriage? he has me whether we are married or not!
as i'd like a baby in the next few years (i would like my first when i'm 28 really and he knows this), i've started to think about marriage because i want to get married before having kids. a wedding takes a year or two or organise (and save for) so i'm beginning to wonder...you know...when is he going to propose?!!
its not something i've really thought about before but with me turning 25, i really am starting to think about these things. i think its also because of the fact lots of my friends are getting married/engaged!
i don't think he is planning on proposing anytime soon. i just don't think he thinks about these things. it makes me feel a bit sad though because well, i know he's the one for me and you know, if he asked the question, i know i'd say yes. its what i want. i am attending my friend's wedding in march. she got with her bloke at pretty much the same time as i got with mine! he proposed after a year. i also have lots of other friends who are engaged/married. my dad proposed to his other half at christmas and he has been with his partner half the time i've been with mine! he even made a joke about this at christmas. he asked me when my bloke was going to propose! i think he's expecting him to make an honest woman of me soon to be honest!
i would discuss it with him but to be honest, i don't want to. i'm not one of these sort of girls who pressurise their boyfriends into doing things they don't want to do. i want him to propose when he is good and ready otherwise i'll only be paranoid that he's proposing to make me happy
i know he wants to be with me because we talk about our future quite often...about children, buying our next house, etc. we've already talked about our retirement!!!!! we have discussed marriage in the past but not loads.
am i being silly worrying about this? its just playing on my mind a bit!
the reason i ask is that i'm 25 in a few weeks time and you know, i've started to think of my future. i'm getting on a bit now and i've started to think about having children, marriage, etc.
anyway, me and my boyfriend have been together almost 3 years now. we've been living together for 2 of these years. we own a house together so we are pretty serious about each other. in terms of committment, owning a house together pretty much proves that. the thing is, i get worried sometimes that he is comfortable because of this and doesn't see the point in marriage? he has me whether we are married or not!
as i'd like a baby in the next few years (i would like my first when i'm 28 really and he knows this), i've started to think about marriage because i want to get married before having kids. a wedding takes a year or two or organise (and save for) so i'm beginning to wonder...you know...when is he going to propose?!!
its not something i've really thought about before but with me turning 25, i really am starting to think about these things. i think its also because of the fact lots of my friends are getting married/engaged!
i don't think he is planning on proposing anytime soon. i just don't think he thinks about these things. it makes me feel a bit sad though because well, i know he's the one for me and you know, if he asked the question, i know i'd say yes. its what i want. i am attending my friend's wedding in march. she got with her bloke at pretty much the same time as i got with mine! he proposed after a year. i also have lots of other friends who are engaged/married. my dad proposed to his other half at christmas and he has been with his partner half the time i've been with mine! he even made a joke about this at christmas. he asked me when my bloke was going to propose! i think he's expecting him to make an honest woman of me soon to be honest!
i would discuss it with him but to be honest, i don't want to. i'm not one of these sort of girls who pressurise their boyfriends into doing things they don't want to do. i want him to propose when he is good and ready otherwise i'll only be paranoid that he's proposing to make me happy
i know he wants to be with me because we talk about our future quite often...about children, buying our next house, etc. we've already talked about our retirement!!!!! we have discussed marriage in the past but not loads.
am i being silly worrying about this? its just playing on my mind a bit!
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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My older sister's boyfriend proposed to her after maybe a year and a half (idk, I can't remember how long they've been together) and they're getting married in May, having been planning it for about that long again iirc.
I wouldn't worry too much, it'll happen if it happens.
If I was in your position I would be a bit miffed as well, but it's best not to let it bother you.
My bloke is divorced so he's had time to think these things through whereas I went into the relationship thinking I was never going to get married. We often discussed our different views in our first year and I realised I was being quite juvenile.
If you don't know what he's thinking then it's best to find out by bringing it up. It's not like if you talk about something like that that you're necessarily twisting his arm but if you've discussed children then isn't it normal to discuss marriage as well?
have you thought about asking him instead of waiting for him to ask you? like you said he probably doesn't think there's any need to change anything because you are settled as you are, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to marry you.
Maybe you should ask him what his plans are or tell him youd like to get married and find out what he thinks of the idea.
pfft, i won't be doing that. i'm quite traditional. i believe that getting down on one knee is the man's job! lol! plus, if i proposed and he said yes, i'd only be paranoid that he said yes to please me rather than actually wanting to marry me.
we have discussed marriage in the past but very briefly. we talk about kids more, lol!
i might bring it up tonight when we sit down to watch a film. my friend got engaged last night (hence why i'm thinking about it today!!!!!!) so i'll tell him about that and then whilst we are on the subject of marriage, ask him about it. i just don't want him feeling pressurised you know. thats why i never really bring it up.
We got engaged after nine months and we were so romantic about it. We basically just talked about it and agreed it was a good idea!
Or, if you don't want to contravene gender roles, wait 'till Feb 29th next year, then ask him.
What he said!
Maybe he shares that same fear? Maybe make it really clear to him that if he asked you'd say yes?
he basically said that by bringing it up, i was pressurising him which is why i never brought up up before tonight. mehhhhh.
But at least you have your answer. How specific is he about kids and the like?
Well, yeah, you're pressuring him to ask you because you don't want to ask him because it's what he's supposed to do.
Stupid head games.
Surely that depends how it was brought up?
Does he want to get married but just not now?
That depends on what type of wedding you want. My parents got married about 4 months after being engaged and were together 2 years before they got engaged. Their wedding cost them about £100.
i'm not playing head games at all. thats really fair big gay :no:
no, i don't want to ask him but i was interested to know whether he wants to actually get married one day. i think after 3 years i am entitled to know that yeah? its my future too. i was just checking that we wanted the same things.
melian - i didn't twist his arm and go "oi, when are you proposing to me?". i just threw it into the conversation when i was talking about my friend and jokingly asked him if he wants us to get married one day. he did yes to be fair (so he does want us to get married one day) but he followed that by going "why are you asking me this? its pressurising me and i'm not going to be pressurised into anything". this is why i haven't really brought it up in the past because i was scared he'd think that.
now i'm going to be paranoid when he does propose that he's just doing it to please me.
sigh, wish i never asked and won't be bringing it up again! when it happens, it happens. i was silly letting it bother me in the first place :banghead:
Just giving you a different perspective on your behaviour. Of course it seems reasonable to you, otherwise you wouldn't do it.
I don't think it is unreasonable after three years to be discussing marriage- do you want to get married, when do you want to get married, do you want to be married before having kids, etc etc. For him to turn round and say he is being "pressurised" is not a good omen, unless blah's mentioned it a hundred times beforehand. She says she hasn't.
As G-Raffe says, how can you be pressurised into doing something that you want to do? You might say that you want to do it but not now, or you might say that you're not sure, or you might say that you don't see the point of it. But if he considers this to be "pressure" then it is fair to say that he probably doesn't want to get married. Certainly I wouldn't have responded like that, I'd have said that either I do or I don't, but not yet.
That he's clearly thrown his toys out of the pram about it is not a good sign.
You need to work out how important it is to you, and what it is that bothers you about not being married, and whether youd be happy to continue the way you are.
I can see where youre coming from. id quite like to get married myself, but im beginning to think after 5 years and 2 children together, its probably not going to happen any time soon. maybe it will one day, but if we had the sort of money to have a nice wedding, i think we can both think of other things we'd rather do than a wedding, and it just seems like so much faff, when we're fine as we are.
It doesnt say anything about the state of a relationship. Its a much healthier and more loving relationship than my previous marriage.
Absolutely agree with this.
It's the whole "you've got to ask me in the way I want to be asked, but not as a result of me asking you to ask me or you'll ruin my life" crap that I'm referring to.
Agreed. Sounds to me that he's putting it off cause he doesn't really want to do it.
Not to say he's not serious about you - I know loads of people who have been together years and years, have kids, houses, pets and all the trimmings, but just don't want to get married. There's nothing wrong with it at all, you just have to decide if you would be ok with maybe never being the fairytale bride.
we've just had another talk because i've been getting upset all day over the way he reacted so i spoke to him when i got home.
he ended up telling me that he was planning on proposing next month when we go thailand but now he can't because i've ruined it.
i'm such an idiot, i'm absolutely gutted.
really upset. i can't stop crying.
that said, if it doesn't happen I reckon you should remind yourself how lucky you are, and that in the future he will propose (he must have been thinking of it!)
i am such a bloody idiot. he won't propose. i've ruined it.
i knew i shouldn't have brought it up.
I think you should try and take a few deep breaths.
I know I don't know you both, so I can't say what he will do, but I'm sure it will work out. Can't offer more help than that though.
you don't know that! he not propose on holiday but he might, and if not he might propose another time... he's told you point blank that he wants to marry you, its good news. you can't help how you feel and if you can't talk to your boyfriend about it then who can you talk to? let him calm down and wait and see what happens. it feels shit now but it's not the end of the relationship, it will all work out and when the right time comes he will propose.