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Somebody slap some sense into me?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
After going through my photobucket account looking for photos of me for the 'how has your appearance changed?' thread, I found a whole load of stuff which made me really sad (like this).
As a bit of background - for a long time I was best friends with a guy who I was in love with. Massively so. But mostly we were really good friends. Last summer, after I spent an hour and a half on a train to visit him and ended up waiting at the station of a city I'd never been to before for another hour and a half waiting for him to turn his bloody phone on, and then (we used to take it in turns, granted it took me a year and a half to visit him, but we were both busy) on his 'turn' he came to see me for an hour on his way to somewhere else, I decided to end the friendship because it was hurting me. Then he basically called me boring.
But anyway, he was the guy that drew that picture ^. Seeing that made me laugh and then I went to go and message him and go 'remember this...' and then I remembered.
Part of me really regrets ending the friendship because what we used to have was so awesome and I've honestly never had a better friend (except for Janey
). I keep wanting to email him and tell him that I miss him being my friend but I am a) afraid of what he would say and b) sure that it wouldn't make a difference to anything anyway and c) I have no idea how I could do that since it was me that decided to end the friendship.
So yeh, slap some sense into me. Or something. I am sad and nostalgic and I miss him
.
As a bit of background - for a long time I was best friends with a guy who I was in love with. Massively so. But mostly we were really good friends. Last summer, after I spent an hour and a half on a train to visit him and ended up waiting at the station of a city I'd never been to before for another hour and a half waiting for him to turn his bloody phone on, and then (we used to take it in turns, granted it took me a year and a half to visit him, but we were both busy) on his 'turn' he came to see me for an hour on his way to somewhere else, I decided to end the friendship because it was hurting me. Then he basically called me boring.
But anyway, he was the guy that drew that picture ^. Seeing that made me laugh and then I went to go and message him and go 'remember this...' and then I remembered.
Part of me really regrets ending the friendship because what we used to have was so awesome and I've honestly never had a better friend (except for Janey
). I keep wanting to email him and tell him that I miss him being my friend but I am a) afraid of what he would say and b) sure that it wouldn't make a difference to anything anyway and c) I have no idea how I could do that since it was me that decided to end the friendship.So yeh, slap some sense into me. Or something. I am sad and nostalgic and I miss him
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Dude, friendship is a two way street and you didn't end that one lightly. Remove your rose-tinted past-looking spectacles, pls. kthnks.
'I find it hard to spend time with you, because you don't like going out and doing things/meeting new people or whatever'
I've written sense on it.
My hallmates could've written that about me.
*agrees with Janey*
:thumb:
If you do it, you'll regret it, I promise you that. He will disappoint you and let you down, again. You'll get hurt again, and that will be compounded with fury at yourself for making contact with him after having done so well.
He hasn't been in touch with since you broke off the friendship, which means he probably isn't missing you, sadly.
I'm in the exact same boat with my ex friend who I was totally in love with. And every day I want to text him or email him and say, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, can we be friends again? But I'm trying really hard to not to, because I know he'll only let me down again. And if he cared about me at all, he would have got in touch with me by now.
I know we aren't the same people we were at 15-18 which was when we were closest, but still...I don't see how we couldn't still have stuff to talk about and get to be friends again. I've changed a fair bit since the summer - I'm less of a pushover and I'm not a complete wuss when it comes to people I don't really know anymore.
But at the same time I'm kind of going through a shit time atm and I could do with someone who really was there through all of the really shit times and the only person that really fills that role is him. Blah.
I don't know
But I'm worried for you. I feel like it's a bad move, and one you'll end up regretting.
If he valued the friendship that much then firstly, as you rightly point out, it wouldn't have come to this. And secondly, he would have tried to change your mind, or tried to get in touch with you since, to see if you're ok, because he's missing you.
I have an inkling if you do it, even casually like omg hi says, you'll end up wishing you hadn't. But like I say, that could be me projecting my fears on to you, as I'm currently going cold turkey from my similar friend and feel the same way as you do, every single day. I think about him every single day, but am exercising supreme self control not to contact him, because I'm sure he'll only let me down again, like always.
For all you know he might be thinking the same thing but is too scared to do anything about it.
But at the same time I think you need to think about why you suddenly want to contact him - if it's for emotional support then maybe that's not the best idea. Becoming friends again will take time, and I think it will take a while before you're at the same level of friendship you were before.
I don't know. Rich thought it was a good idea but I'm terrified of doing it. I don't even really know how to approach it. Eugh.
Gonna sleep on it I think.
I would say that it would be okay to contact him but don't hold any preconceptions. As Icey says, people change as they age so you may never get back what you had before - but you may become friends again anyway. It's worth a shot. If it fails, then you know you tried and it's time for you to move on. *hugs*
I guess I'd rather regret something I did do than regret something I didn't do.
Now, how to go about making it seem like I haven't spent hours thinking it over.....>.<
Good girl, totally my life motto.
And Rich is okay with this, if you don't mind me asking. Like, does he know how you used to feel about him? Do you think being in contact will bring up those old feelings?
In that case, if you're definitely going to do it: be wary. Don't get your hopes up. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. You may be able to be on good terms again, but don't hope that things are going to go back to the way they were before. Try to think of it as making contact to restore good feeling and civility between the two of you, rather than trying to recapture what you used to have.
Good luck!
I know it sounds like a really weird situation, but that's because it is. Rich knows all about it and even when I was really massively confused about how I felt he was supportive and he said that whatever decision I made wasn't up to him, but that he loved me and all that lark. He also knows that this guy was very important to me and not just because of those underlying feelings, but because he was, in his time, a very good friend.
Jamelia - thank you for your advice. I know it looks like I probably haven't taken it on board, but I have and I appreciate it
Thanks guys
That's ok, I don't think that at all; lots of people have given you advice, and most people disagree with me, so it seems there's a very good chance I'm wrong about this!
And like I say, I am totally unable to offer impartial advice because your situation is so similar to the one I'm in. And currently, my strategy is to avoid any further pain, because I've taken so much from him that I can't handle any more. I've probably taken a lot more shit from my friend than you have from yours, so that's why I am now exceptionally cautious.
I always used to go by that motto about regretting things you don't do more than things you do, but with respect to this guy, I think it's that mentality that's got my heart ripped to pieces a million times. Plus, I always wear my heart on my sleeve, and get my hopes up every time that things are going to be different.
But obviously the situations are probably very different. So just be careful, that's all. Stay wary and don't drop your guard too soon, and hopefully all will be just fine
best thing-hes so freakin happy you finally came to your sensses( from how you described him sounds like something hed say) and wants to see his old friend a.s.a.p.
the way i look at it you always end up regretting the chance you didnt take way more than the chance you did take.
*shrug*
I'd be on edge and checking my email every 5 mins, so *more hugs*
Guess I'm not getting a reply.
Don't really know how to feel. I kind of want to go screaming and yelling but I know that wouldn't do anyone any good.
I feel a bit...rejected. I don't really find people who I can really be myself with a lot, and it's not very often I meet someone I don't get bored with fairly rapidly (god, aren't I a bitch....), and he was one of those people. I'm thinking about writing a letter. Not a 'please be my friend' letter, but like a final 'this is how I feel about this' letter. Because I think he should know, I guess. I know it wouldn't change anything, but I feel like he got the wrong impression of me and why I am how I am. I just kind of wish I (and he) had made more of an effort to see each other more regularly and maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Blah.
Write the letter, put it in a drawer for a month. If you still want to send it then, do.
Writing the letter should hopefully be therapeutic and cathartic. But if you send it and don't get a reply, it'll be sadness all over again.
I'm really struck by you saying this:
One of the hardest lessons in life that I am still working on learning (and not really having much success) is that we have to stop fighting to make people understand us. I think it's really easy to believe that if only people really, truly understood us, and what we are thinking and feeling, then they would act differently, would see how much they are hurting us and change their behaviour. But it often doesn't work out like that, and we're left feeling even more frustrated and misunderstood.
this is a good idea :yes:
franki you've given him the opportunity to get in touch and he has chosen not to take it, you knew that might happen. it just shows that he isn't worth the bother. you have lots of people in your life who love you and if he doesn't want to be one of them then it's his loss. the best thing you can do is try to move on and leave it in the past because that's obviously what he wants to do.
Maybe a message on facebook might be better, or on something you know he'll read. That way you'll know for sure.