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you don't think you are treating your husband badly? are you being serious?
you are sleeping with another man!!! it doesn't matter that he doesn't know about it. you are cheating on him. there is always the possibility that he will find out.
you are a liar and a cheat yet you are moaning about how your fuck buddy hasn't bought you a christmas present. do you realise how selfish and horrible you sound here?
sorry if i'm coming across as harsh but i honestly don't understand why people cheat on their partners. if you aren't happy with whats happening in the bedroom, talk to him, try out new things. if that doesn't work and you still aren't happy, leave him and have him as a friend only or maybe discuss having an open relationship (which i would never consider but it works for some people). don't just cheat on him and go behind his back. its nasty and its not fair to treat people like that.
After reading this i just dont get how you can think that your not hurting your husband by having sex with someone else, yes people need to have satisfation, but having it off with someone else behind his back isnt the best way to solve the problem. Its just ticked me off that your more bothered about a christmas present to your "friends with benifits" than cheating on your husband.....
:yes:
Read this thread a few times now.
The fact you are moaning about your **** buddy not buying you a christmas present makes you come across as spoiled and self centred. There are plenty of people ut there like that so I didn't feel it necessary to comment.
The post I've quoted just makes you come across as evil.
I hope hubby does find out. If you aren't getting what you want from him, leave him, instead of coming on here playing the victim when in fact you are most definitely the villain of the piece....
It makes me sick that you think you are doing nothing wrong :rolleyes:
yes, i guess i do sound self centered..maybe i am
i appreciate your comments...it has caused me to spend quite a bit of time thinking about myself, my hypocrisy, and what i'm doing.
i can't explain why, or why i continue it, i do know it's wrong, and it does bother me, yet i do it anyway...go figure
you have all opened my eyes to what a self centered twat i'm acting like..being upset over the whole xmas gift thing, and really, i do thank you all
sometimes it takes the thoughts and opinions of strangers to open your eyes and make you realize change might be in order..
i don't think i'm a bad person, maybe just a confused one, who is starved for the passion that no longer exists..not that i think that is either a defense or an excuse...it's just the way it is.
There is a very strong trend to consider sex to be a central part of a relationship, and given that belief what you're doing to your husband is wrong. If, you don't hold that belief then it's much less of a problem - but you're still deceiving your husband which is probably leading to the guilt you are feeling.
It is natural to unintentionally develop stronger feelings for someone you're sleeping with - now you are aware of this, you're in a position to decide what you do about that - break it off if you can't help it, or knock it back to where you want it to be.
I don't know why you have a sexless relationship with your husband, and I don't know what you've done to try to fix it in the past, but I do know that a lot of people can't remain celibate in that state. Ideally you'd be doing this with your husband's consent - but sometimes it's just not possible to bring it up. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation, but I'm pleased that you have found a way of dealing with it that works for you.
i can say it is a situation i never ever thought i would be in..i have never cheated before.
all i can say is it fills a need that has been there for many years, and something about this person just clicked with me.
i know many of you think i am a horrid person, and sometimes i do too. i go back and forth between ending it and needing it....
i am looking for another job, as this is a coworker, but in this economy, it may be a while. i think if i removed myself from the job situation it would be easier to do the right thing.
thank you for your insight.
well it happens ... we all make mistakes & u do sound like a nice & gentle person so pls dont get discouraged . I hope u will figure out what changes are needed to improve ur situation . best of luck
I think going to relationship counselling would be more appropriate than fucking another guy on the side whilst keeping up a pretence of monogamy to the one you proclaim you actually love.
It is possible to love someone, yet have all the passion and romance gone from that relationship. I could leave, but I choose to stay. Maybe having a friend on the side isn't the perfect solution, but at the point in time when that came about it was, for the first time in my life, what I chose to do.
Whining about no gift from my fwb was kind of stupid, I will agree to that, and I thank those that pointed it out.
I truly do appreciate all the comments...I have read and thought about each one..
Have a happy holiday all of you, and thanks again for your insights
I really do think that you need to talk to your husband. Cheating on him isn't (and won't ever, imo) solve anything.
But if you're going to keep doing this, you need to make sure you don't get emotionally attached to the person you're shagging, because that's when it gets messy. If you can't keep your emotions out of it, don't do it at all. I certainly can't, I always get attached and then it all gets fucked up.
If I was him, I would want to find out.
Telling him would do nothing but destroy him, and I won't do that, not for anyone or anything. This is a purely selfish act on my part, filling a need that hasn't been met in years. Judge me anyway you want.
phoebe deluxe , u r right letting ur husband know will only devastate him but dont u think u should atleast try to fix why ur needs can not met by him , evrything is possible if u have the will . u owe him a genuine effort to bring back what u r missing .
it really does not matter how we judge u , but there is a problem if u justify what u r doing & not doing anythhing to change the situation.
work on ur marriage to get what u need .
best of luck
i can only say that i selfishly decided to have my needs met by someone else, and there is no way to make it sound better.
yes, i was upset that he got me no xmas gift, i'm not playing the victim over it, but i thought it showed just how little he must really think of me as a person.....
i can say this is the first and the last friend with benefits i will ever have. the emotional toll is simply not worth it.
and i hope anyone in my situation will think about that before starting an fwb relationship. it's great in theory, but in reality, it's about betrayal and heartbreak, leaving the same things that drove you to it still there and unresolved.
but it sure has been fun, if i may be so hypocritical. i haven't laughed as much, had as much fun, or been as satisified in years. thats the upside. i have already discussed the down side.
i give it 6 more months, tops. he will find the woman of his dreams, and i hope he does, he deserves it. and that will end it.
i will end it before too long...i'd rather it was me who called the shot than wait to be replaced by someone else. this whole dissing me at xmas has pissed me off, i think it will make it easier to do.
but i will miss him and the fun we have together....
this is a lot more than i planned on revealing when i started this thread, lol