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Comments
That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard.
just hope it never happens to you...it isn't selfish...it's terribly sad and heartbreaking, at least to me. i've tried and tried and just can't get it back.
i need physical contact, to be touched, to be desired...it's just not there anymore and no matter how hard i try or what i do, it won't come back
i am again saying pls dont take those harsh comments by some dumb commenters to heart
best of luck
thank you so much for your comment
I think it is a problem in general with marriage though that after some time when it is no longer new and exciting that people get bored. A good relationship has both the deep love and also the excitement of seeing the other person.
I can't say its easy though and if you think having this split life where you get part of your needs from one person and part from another is easier than trying to work through the issues to come to a better arrangement then that's fair enough.
Im not against non-monogamous relationships, but i do think the other person has a right to know what sort of a relationship they are in, because then they can make the decision whether to stay or not based on the truth.
I think youre not telling him, not because you dont want to hurt him, but because you dont want him to leave you and you be left with nothing.
If your FWB or someone else offered you security and a proper relationship,WITH good sex too, would you take it?
here is the us, marriage counseling costs money, which due to recent downsizing and taking a job which seriously underpays me, is not possible
i value his feelings above all else, and would end this if i thought he was the least bit suspicious.
i know it seems strange to many of you...it seems strange to me too sometimes, but it works for me, selfishly enough.
some needs cannot be left unsatisified, for whatevr reason...it harbours resent ment and hate after a while
actually, the whole reason for this post was that my fwb made me feel less than worthy of any thought, however infintesimal, when it came to a xmas gift, no matter how small.
wow, it's really changed.
many of you, i think are youing enough to believe that love is forever...and it may be, but it changes over time. sometimes due to an illness, sometimes one person outgrowns the other.
it is a very sad, very depressing state of affairs, especially when you still have feelings for the person.
yes, i realize it is my fault my desire and passion for him ae gone. i realize it is my fault that i cannot get it back no matter how hard i try.
so i have done the only thing i could've done other than leave.
I beg to differ. You could've prehaps talked to your husband about this before cheating on him?
You dont fancy your husband anymore - nature abhors a void - as soon as someone comes along that offers you more, you will take it.
Sometimes relationships arent meant to last forever, and if its got to the stage where you have no passion, then unless thats ok for both of you, then the relationship has probably come to a natural end.
I hope youre practising safe sex anyway
it's only been the one person..and yes, safe sex was formost. my husband won't leave me and i won't leave him. maybe it has come to a natural end, but it is very unlikely either one of us will leave.
i am the breadwinner, he needs me, and he is a good kind person. none of this is his fault, it just is what it is.
it will be a long time, if ever, before i do this again. i have an enormous amount of guilt over the whole thing...
many of you don't understand..and i hope you will never find yourself in a similar situation, it is not an easy thing to deal with
well, i hadn't thought of that. yes, i know my fwb will move on. i don't think i stay for reassurance for me, more for him really. it took 19 years for me to take the step i did, and i can't see doing it again. will i miss my fwb? of course! will i find another? i doubt it. this just sort of happened, i wasn't looking, we just kind of clicked. i work weird hours, and there is no else there i am even remotely interested in, so the possibility of another just isn't there.
but leaving husband for my personal gain? couldn't do it...he needs me and he loves me.
not playing a victim here, just being honest. is what i'm doing wrong? no doubt about it. did i need what i am getting out of this? no doubt about it.
will i be hurt when it's over? yes, for a while. i figure that will be my punishment for going there in the first place.
love and situations change over the years. many of you may be too young to realize that, but they do.
i was cheated on in a previous relationship for no reason other than he could, so i know how it feels, and i would never want my husband to feel that way.
no, I understand that. I have experience of several long term relationships including a marriage which was all but sexless for quite a few years.
I guess Im different to some in that lack of sex with my partner just made me want THEM more rather than make me want to seek it elsewhere.
I do think youre in a difficult situation, but the fact is your feelings for your husband have changed. You love him, but it doesnt sound like youre in love with him, and in my opinion, not only are you just prolonging the inevitable; by cheating, youre never going to repair the problems in your marriage, because emotionally, theres no incentive for you to do so anymore.
In the case of the wife with MS, there was an unspoken acceptance of the situation. The understanding was that the husband was discreet about his FWB, and the wife never asked questions.
In the other case, the wife became aware of a growing attachment to her FWB and the two of them came up with a strategy to nip it in the bud. They came up with a fantasy scenario, where she was a high-class call girl and he had to "pay" for sex - not with money, but with consumable (important for disposal of evidence) treats. No treat. No sex. LOL. My understanding is that they had a lot of fun with this role play and they were able to remain simply FWB for many years as a result.
It is infidelity, of course, but it is easy to be judgemental when you are young and idealistic. As we get older, we recognise that sometimes life throws us a curved ball, and we just have to do whatever we have to to get by. Both the couples I mentioned above were in their mid-40's and just needed the physical love and companionship of a FWB in order to be able to love and care for their spouse. Morally wrong perhaps, but better than the alternatives.
The answer, of course, is to be into S+M so that causing your partner pain just adds to the excitement.
rofl....yeah, that would be the perfect solution.
unfortunately it doesn';t apply here. reminds me of the old joke:
why do you hang around with that sadist? beats me!
it is a difficult situation, and there is no right way to handle it. you are exactly right though, if i told him part of the reason i have no passion left for him is that is does cause him pain, he would be so very hurt..there is nothing can that fix that.
he does what he can for me, but it is always in the back of my mind that he may be in pain.
and that takes a lot of pleasure away for me.
thank you
just wanted to ask is causing him pain the only reason why u lost passion in him or are there other things ?
that's no excuse i know, but when with fwb, i feel alive and like myself for the first time in a long time. i used to laugh all the time, and be a fun person, not so much anymore
i don't think these are reasons to leave a good, kind person and destroy him emotionally.
i guess it's an escape from reality at the moment. sefish? incredibily.
this fwb thing won't last, it will be over soon, i think. my hope is that i can take the good things from it and add them to what i have. my intentions are not to hurt anyone.