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He's my brother....
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Thanks
Thank you
Though on the other hand, regardless of if the original poster sees this as something wrong or not. It has been annoying a number of thesite.org members that she is coming in here, now im not saying she is, but she is giving the appearance that shes almost gloating about it.
Now in her situation it might not be too bad in her eyes, or the situation in general. Though there are sometimes people in these situations that do find it a problem what happens to them, and find it quite distressing. Obviously the situation is a bit of a taboo subject, and im not going to bring a very old thread up, as I do believe that was an actual pisstake.
To the creator of this thread, just bear in mind that taboo subjects are always a bit touchy with even the most open minded of people, and if you are coming in here for advice, you need to do that. You dont necessarily have to adhere or follow any of it, but these boards are not to be used to 'boast' about something, they are here for people to help each other.
Both sides are to blame for angry thoughts in this, and I think everyone needs to give it a rest. Keep you minds open, dont be dismissive, but if you have a serious ethical or moral issue with something thats raised, say so, and the person on the receiving end should also have the decency even if they dont agree, to respect the decision and beliefs that person holds. Possibly unless illegal, which in this case its quite dubious and I dont want to comment either way, with the majority of users being from the UK and not the US (as I assume the situation is in)
And every bit of advice she has thrown back in their face, abiet in a polite way, honestly, from people i've spoken to and me this post is purely about gloating, she only appreciate the posts that tell her to do it/have a R'ship with him and ignore or "take on board" the ones which disagree,
she says she has an open mind and undecided but clearly she has obviously made up her mind, she is not looking for advice, but simply looking for acceptance and support of her choice, which clearly many people cannot agree to and this isn't what she wants
Ok, maybe I am being a bit harsh, but look at the bigger picture, we have a 23year old who "theoreticly" believes they are allowed
1: an incestuous relationship
2: a paedophilic relationship or consorting with a minor
But, hey, my bitchiness is worse than that, I'm sorry but how am I ment to be nice to someone with this attitude?
Tuppence...
Christele is right it doesn't help to get abusive - clearly the OP is aware that this situation is problematic otherwise she wouldn't have posted...
So let's forget the paedo accusations and self righteousness and think about the facts...
You say you have the same father - in that case you are related and you are as his older sister in this relationship, which by its very nature is a position of trust. This is key to your situation and is the main reason why people look down on incest and why the law is never likely to change on the matter - if a 23 year-old is viewed to be a carer to their younger brother as it sounds like you have been on lots of levels, then there are certain things that spring to mind which you should be extremely mindful of going forward which are the following:
- Incest perpertrated by women is under-reported but does include the sexual intimacy you've described.
- Children are sensual. Children who are abused sexually learn usually at a very young age that in order to get their needs met they must act proactively. They begin to equate love with sex. They begin behaving in sexual ways to get affection. Their behaviour is labelled seductive by adults.
- The damage from relationships like this can include children being denied a loving and nurturing relationship of trust, children being exploited and betrayed by a person who should be in a position of trust.
(source - crisis centre that offers counselling to people experiencing problems within family relationships)
As others have noted, the fact that you have cared for him as a baby has laid the foundations for a sister/brother relationship that has obviously flourished and at some point developed into something else, that in all honesty sounds like it could be going down an ultimately destructive path.
You say you love Dale and feel really lucky to have him in your life. It sounds like it would be really good for you to harness that thought and consider the life long caring bond you could have as brother and sister and try to see that it isn't a lesser relationship, just a different kind of relationship.
I hope that gives you some food for thought.
Good luck and don't be afraid to set the boundaries now - consider the long-term and the prospect of finding an equally fulfilling relationship without all these complications. You sound like a deeply caring person and if you think carefully about this now then chances are Dale will be proud to look back on you as his sister when he himself reachers 23.
you may not be using swear words but i still find this very explicit, having read through this thread I find your thought process nauseating to say the least, to the extent that I am uncomfortable with this thread even being here.
You are trying to justify what is underage and incestuous BY LAW, not to mention socially sickening. You would not have these feelings if you treated him AS A BROTHER and had the boundaries natural to the situation - MY brothers saw me naked up to an age, but it becomes inappropriate and your refusal to acknowledge that has caused these problems. You say he would not accept these boundaries if you tried them, but how can you truly know? Please enforce them, before you become estranged from your family or end up in jail.
I am not in this situation because i don't fancy my half-brothers and I don't want them to fancy me. Because we are a healthy, loving family guided by boundaries. Yes, there is some blood between us but you have been raised as his brother and there should be no difference. What you are doing if wrong. I totally agree that every situation is different, but some boundaries cannot be crossed. He is almost legal but he is immature.
You are currently ruining your future relationship with him Don't.
PS read some of snuggle's other posts, he was joking, genius.
I think the boys father is her step father, but not her biological dad, and lives with her. The boy in question lives with his biological mother away from the OP.
Ahh OK, sorry, my mistake - this thread is quite long and confusing at points! I think the general status of the relationship still applies though so wouldn't change anything I said as their relationship is ultimately built on a brother/sister bond that has changed over time.
Why would anybody be jealous of this situation. Let me get this straight in a very objective manner.
You might be jealous of someone, who has a very nice relationship with someone, for example. Frankly, I do not think this is the case in your case (of course for you it is nice, but you are a bit weird [no offense]), because you are not breaking the taboo and have an honest to god relationship with your 'brother', no, you are tagging along someone who is a minor. He could have something meaningful with other girls, but you are giving him no STOP-sign, therefore you kind let him smell on the cake, but won't let him eat it.
Your underage 'brother' wants to hump you, and you are teasing him and keeping him on the short leash, this is not something to be jealous about, it's actually quite despicable I find.
You seem to be quite proud about it and keep going in detail about it. Nobody understands your happiness tho, it's as if I ate a strawberry today without making stains on my t-shirt and nobody is jealous of my pride.
It doesn't matter who dale is to you, you are leading someone on, but in ADDITION, make a real awkward situation for everyone (looks pretty good I guess, when you all sit in a park, your parents kiss, and the 'siblings' french kiss too). It's a small taboo, but instead of either full stop it, or going through with it you are doing this half-assed teasing thing with your 'underage' brother.
Really, nobody is jealous, and if you do not have issues with that matter and look for advice, but just stick around to justify or gloat about your situation, you won't make a lot of friends here, understandably.
And no, we don't have the same Mom....that's in my original post.
Your name-calling and labeling couched in kiddie-talk is insidious....this must be the only way you "win" your arguments. Happy now? lol.
To the MODS....I don't have a problem taking on what is seemingly an entire website clique, some attempting to silence a 23 year-old girl, some looking to harrass me out of their "turf" (a member quote..."that she is coming in here"....is this a case of the inmates running the asylum?). I also didn't know I had to "endear" myself to the group (another member quote....perhaps to march in lockstep with all?). I'm rather accustomed to utilizing temperance to prevail over belligerence in any argumentation.
Perhaps it's my composure and relatively even temperament....amid hostile posts after posts....which ticks off many, so they interpret it as "attitude". And they see "gloat" where it isn't.
At any rate, I'm aware that I'm persona non grata.
But, frankly, if some people's minds are smallish that they can't handle a sensitive subject matter, and a differing mindset, or agree to disagree, it really is their problem, isn't it?
And I'm surprised that you would tolerate a blatantly profane Hellfire using expletives in a personal attack. May I suggest you evaluate another undistinguished member....Mr Pedobear himself, The Convincer. Mr Hellfire is at least direct.....Mr The Convincer is the insidious kind you wouldn't want to turn your back on.
But I do thank you for interceding and restoring some civility in the thread, where many had relinquished it, some actually getting downright hostile. I do see a little more decorum in the more recent posts.
I'm not quite done, but I'll try to wind down my business here.
Thanks again.
What is seemingly an entire website clique is actually a shared agreement that incest is wrong. There is not some sub forum where decisions are made on what is good and what is bad and who the finger is pointed at.
The thing that generally pisses the users of this forum off the most are the ones who ask for adivce then say: 'no i cant do that' 'no thats not possible'
If you want to see how 'small minded' this community is read the drugs forum - read half of Teagen's posts giving girls advice on oral and see how small minded this community is.
Open mindedness stretches a long way.. incest is just beyond that boundry for most people apparently.
You could still be locked up for it for things that have happened before he turned legal in your state.
On another note, just because someone things they are right in regards to a taboo subject, does nto mean that it becomes right. We are not a big clique, but does it not tell you something that the most part of us share the same opinion, does that not tell you something? That infact it might be you thats wrong?
I honestly think you came in here to try and reassure yourself that you are doing the right then, and then when it seems aparant that you are not, you get annoyed because you dont get your own way.
Christele, where do you see the OP asking for 'advice'? What I read is this :
There are no questions on whether this is right or wrong, what legal implications there are and other questions of morality etc. All the OP is asking for is a discussion on 'experiences'. She quite clearly believes her relationship is acceptable - which the rest of us don't. If the topic has become abusive, its just down to the frustration of having to read about a paedophile continually trying to justify herself.
D'oh! Sorry ....
Not acceptable. :no:
You're fine to challenge this behaviour and whether or not it's abusive, but this young man is not below the age of consent and so she's NOT a paedophile. Anything else that is as offensive as this in this thread will be deleted.
I'm sorry but I don't agree this is a clique - it's simply a place where people have taken issue with your situation as your description of your relationship from the start is quite hard going and does point towards abuse of trust in a familial relationship, as outlined in my earlier post, I don't know if you've read it, but it would be good for you to take that on board.
Anyhow, if this thread does just get out of hand, or if there doesn't seem to be a way for you to move forward with it, then closing it may be the best option. This isn't about 'silencing you' it's just about being realistic about this situation. There should be services in your local area that you can access for professional advice which may be better for you at this point.
Helen, the OP stated :
That would have made him 15. Is that not underage?
Actually in the USA and the specific state she comes from he is underage AND she admitted this herself.
There's lots that is troubling in these posts and I don't think simply deciding on a particular term helps to address people's real concerns with what is being posted.