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He's my brother....
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My name is Jillian, and I'm 23....please see my introductory post if you wish to know a little more about me.
I have a number of situations I'd appreciate feedback and advice on. My #1 situation is Dale, my almost-17 y.o. non-biological "brother". We grew up as brother-sister and we're emotionally and physically very close. I live with my Mom and my non-biological Dad, who also happens to be Dale's biological father...and Dale lives with his Mom nearby. When Dale sleeps over my house he sleeps with me in my bed since he was old enough that I didn't squoosh him. It's not unusual that Dale sees me unclothed (more than I see him), we have an honest relationship, we tell each other everything, I adore him and he adores me, I trust him with my life, and he would never ever hurt me.
A year and a half ago, Dale started sexualizing our relationship, to a point where he's been "molesting" me. He is and he isn't....since I don't really mind that he's pawing and mauling me most times we're alone, lol. And I'm not as forceful as I could be telling him "no" and "stop". I'm crazy about my little brother. Even when he's trying to do me, it's kinda cute and not something I'd get mad at him for.
Not surprisingly, Dale is getting his way with me, a little at a time, and he knows it. I've told him if he doesn't stop his incursions with my body, we'll cross boundaries we perhaps shouldn't. And the honest relationship we have is working in Dale's favor....he kind of knows how things will play out by simply asking me. I may not tell him the whole truth (since he turned pervy), but I won't lie to him.
Dale likes to get me in some close encounters of the lurid kind, lol, whereupon he'll ask if he can "do it" while I'm pinned and helpess. I tell him he knows exactly what he can't do....which drives him crazy :-). I mean he's right there, a little push and he's in.....but he won't penetrate me unless I tell him it's okay. We've also had curious episodes where he's very protective of me, even from himself.
Dale groping me and slithering himself all over me is as provocative as it is unsettling. Much as I try to play it down, it's a turn on when he's trampling all over my body...but it feels harmless because we've always shared....and I'm learning my body is not an exception :-). Dale being underage is not lost on me. And it's not really incest by defintion....although I feel its troubling pangs at times. Where I might unravel a little is....Dale and I are so emotionally invested, I'm blown away by the unexpected realization that, in time, I might let my teenage brother do whatever he wants with me.
(Just to add, Dale is a popular kid, he has his own social circles, and a bunch of girls chasing after him, older ones too, he's been sexually active for close to a year with his two favorite girls, and he doesn't need his big sister to get all the sex he may want).
Anyone have or had a similar situation, personally or otherwise?....please share any experiences. I'm aware that sex between "real" brothers and sisters do happen. But sex is just sex and I can compartmentalize that. It's the relationship more than the sex I struggle with. Dale and I have such an emotional bind and unyielding love....I don't know....sometimes I wonder.
Sorry this is so long. Would really appreciate sincere replies and reactions. Btw, my BFF, Leila, adds a more prurient dimension to this, and many of my situations :-)
I have a number of situations I'd appreciate feedback and advice on. My #1 situation is Dale, my almost-17 y.o. non-biological "brother". We grew up as brother-sister and we're emotionally and physically very close. I live with my Mom and my non-biological Dad, who also happens to be Dale's biological father...and Dale lives with his Mom nearby. When Dale sleeps over my house he sleeps with me in my bed since he was old enough that I didn't squoosh him. It's not unusual that Dale sees me unclothed (more than I see him), we have an honest relationship, we tell each other everything, I adore him and he adores me, I trust him with my life, and he would never ever hurt me.
A year and a half ago, Dale started sexualizing our relationship, to a point where he's been "molesting" me. He is and he isn't....since I don't really mind that he's pawing and mauling me most times we're alone, lol. And I'm not as forceful as I could be telling him "no" and "stop". I'm crazy about my little brother. Even when he's trying to do me, it's kinda cute and not something I'd get mad at him for.
Not surprisingly, Dale is getting his way with me, a little at a time, and he knows it. I've told him if he doesn't stop his incursions with my body, we'll cross boundaries we perhaps shouldn't. And the honest relationship we have is working in Dale's favor....he kind of knows how things will play out by simply asking me. I may not tell him the whole truth (since he turned pervy), but I won't lie to him.
Dale likes to get me in some close encounters of the lurid kind, lol, whereupon he'll ask if he can "do it" while I'm pinned and helpess. I tell him he knows exactly what he can't do....which drives him crazy :-). I mean he's right there, a little push and he's in.....but he won't penetrate me unless I tell him it's okay. We've also had curious episodes where he's very protective of me, even from himself.
Dale groping me and slithering himself all over me is as provocative as it is unsettling. Much as I try to play it down, it's a turn on when he's trampling all over my body...but it feels harmless because we've always shared....and I'm learning my body is not an exception :-). Dale being underage is not lost on me. And it's not really incest by defintion....although I feel its troubling pangs at times. Where I might unravel a little is....Dale and I are so emotionally invested, I'm blown away by the unexpected realization that, in time, I might let my teenage brother do whatever he wants with me.
(Just to add, Dale is a popular kid, he has his own social circles, and a bunch of girls chasing after him, older ones too, he's been sexually active for close to a year with his two favorite girls, and he doesn't need his big sister to get all the sex he may want).
Anyone have or had a similar situation, personally or otherwise?....please share any experiences. I'm aware that sex between "real" brothers and sisters do happen. But sex is just sex and I can compartmentalize that. It's the relationship more than the sex I struggle with. Dale and I have such an emotional bind and unyielding love....I don't know....sometimes I wonder.
Sorry this is so long. Would really appreciate sincere replies and reactions. Btw, my BFF, Leila, adds a more prurient dimension to this, and many of my situations :-)
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Comments
Maybe you should do a bit of soul-searching and see which it is, before we discuss further,
He is not consanguine with you, as you already pointed out, so it's fair play if you have anything with him. Imagine it the other way round. If you have something with a boy and his single mother meets your single dad, should they be not allowed to meet?
On the other hand, you are seeing each other daily as "siblings" and to keep this relationship healthy I would really avoid having sexual contact. It seems really seductive at times, but I wouldn't go there. Try not to be naked in front of him and try to avoid 'questionable' moments, if you understand.
I think that's best for your relationship.
..hmmm.. well my story is something similiar too yours..
When i was 13 years old I lost my virginity and not the way i wanted it
to happen either or with the person i desired. My god brother always tried to kiss me and touch me since i was young but i never paid attention to it
until the summer of 2004 me and my god brother was home alone and my mother had went out with my godmother(my god brother mother).
I tried to stay as far away from him as possible through out that night avoiding eye contact, but being persistant as he is he came to me and whispered "Imma Rape You":no:.my mind just went blank i cried and cried and just kept to myself in a corner..
I thought he forgot about what he said or he was just joking, then he came in my bed and layed next to me;now he always sleeps wit me head to toe though. i told him to get out but he refused and instead he grabbed my arms and got on top of me. Now i developed early from a young age and was thicker than him but pertaining to strength he was stronger than me due to the fact he's an athlete.
He later did force himself in me it was a pain that i can never forget or never want to feel again:crying: ...
up to this day me and him still talk he is very over protective of me and he still talks about things he want to do to me. smh nope i never told anyone except my ex boyfriend and my boyfriend
Yes, I have thought through much of my relationship with my brother, and have considered perspectives from others. My mind and my upbringing pulls me one way, while my heart and my womanhood :-) pulls me the other. And everything is at play when I'm with Dale. I love Dale and I love everything about him and everything we do, including messing around. The sexual part is not something I asked for, but it is what it is. And I am a sensual girl....so yes, I "like it" (your words)....and I do have concerns with it. If that's not "consistent", so be it. But I am trying to make sense of it. It's why I'm posting in a relationship forum :-) and taking initiatives to make greater sense of something I don't fully understand.
No, Dale never forces anything on me. I have no fear of Dale, so I don't need to physically resist him. I let him get carnal to a point, to let him act on his seemingly perpetual "arousal" with his big sister, lol, so it dissipates quicker. Sometimes he succeeds getting me in really compromising positions. But Dale knows a specific area of my body is out of bounds, although a few times he's gotten very close to it....and I did react "sh*t" each time I felt him there :-) I trust Vern unconditionally, and he's validated me each and every time.
Agreed. Also, your 'brother' is probably at that horny teenager stage in life and sees a naked woman on a regular basis who seems to give him the come on. Why do you keep putting temptation in his way?
You need to sort out your head, either you want something to happen or you don't; letting something go so far and then backing away is at best being a cock-tease and at worst really messing with this boys head.
Apart from anything though you call him a kid. What the hell are you doing?
You're 23, act like an adult.
It's all well and good playing these games, and getting off on them, but you're really going to screw things up if you don't stop. Even though he's not your 'biological' brother the relationship is inappropriate and you're going to cause a huge rift in the family if you ever get caught. It won't just be your life that you screw up either, you'll be screwing up his life too.
You need to go and have a proper sexual relationship with someone who isn't family. It's not a small group of people.
Who's Vern?
So its jules and verne:yeees:
Right, so who's Dale then?
Am I just being thick here or does a lot if this just not add up?
It does add up, but you need imaginary numbers, like eleventeen.
As for avoiding sexual contact, it probably won't happen. As I mentioned in my post, we've always been physically close....we're both the touchy-feely type, and we both love hugging and kissing (short busses....mostly, lol)....besides, he's got the pawing and mauling down to a regimen. Plus, we've shared my bed when he sleeps over for nearly all his life....it's who we are. Oddly, Dale has always been relatively behaved when we sleep together. About being naked, Dale has seen me since he was little, it was a big deal at one time, but not so much now since there's no longer anything visually mysterious about my body. Just one more thing.....changing something will change who we are to each other, and I have to weigh all the trade-offs.
Vernon is Dale's first name....Dale is a contraction of his middle name....and is his nickname, as well as a term of endearment (family history), to those closest to him.
Is a lion going to outgrow his lust for beef if you give it to him little by little? Either he takes it all (and be vegetarian ever after. Ok, not likely, but maybe you get the analogy, or you stop...
ok this is a shitty analogy. Listen: Just don't do it. You don't seem to really want it and it will be doing harm to you and your relationship. Some men have the unhealthy attitude to toss away once they had it. And some won't ever stop craving it once they had it. Stop it altogether, it's really the best, especially since you do not really crave for him and seem to just toy him around.
There might be one possible positive outcome: you two love each other, move out and fuck the rest, but let alone from your attitude towards the matter, that won't happen. It's not gonna end pretty, really. Have enough foresight and stop it now.
About the "how it used to be crap". Yea I saw my sister naked too and her friends, when we were playing in the sandbox when we were like 1 year old. this is all irrelevant. Just because something "used to be" like that, doesn't mean it has to stick like that. Actually that's rubbish to believe. If you wouldn't just get a kick out of teasing him you would make him a separate bed next time he is staying over and have a talk with him. But I think you are enjoying that too much to even care.
And no, it's far from a game to either of us.....there wouldn't be a hell (real or imaginary) if life weren't such a slippery slope....and succumbing to things "inappropriate", whether they are or they aren't, to varying degrees, makes us human. Not an excuse, just something I've learned is a fact....not everyone can be upright, even most of the time. I've told our parents that "something is happening" between Dale and me, and I'll handle it. I don't want them involved, since there's a legal consequence to this, hence my decision to lie by omission....(but they suspect.....and Dale turns 17 next month, erasing the legal issue in my state, whereupon I'll tell our parents everything. I don't like lying to my parents).
as you so aptly titled the thread, he is your brother. Maybe not biologically, but that is what your relationship is, or is supposed to be. However, how do you think your family would react, if they found out? You're a 23 year old woman and you're playing around consensually with your adolescent step-brother. Now, let's reverse the genders and think of a scenario where a 23 year old man is playing around with his adolescent step-sister - it would be considered creepy at the very least.
The fact of the matter is that you are the adult here. You have to take responsibility. You're deflecting this responibility by occassionally hinting that he's forcing you, when you say things like how he gets you into 'compromising' situations. The fact is, you let him. You don't say no and you admit to liking it. Suggesting he's a sex attacker isn't very nice. You need to set some boundaries of what's acceptable and what isn't. If you care about him, you will stop this. Considering this guy seems to be a complete stud and has had two girlfriends on the go since age 15 (fucking hell, I wish I did), he clearly doesn't need any 'benefits' from you.
Go out and find yourself a man, dear.
Then why are you asking for advise? You seem to have made your decision.
Where we are at this time is something unplanned and which just evolved. You obviously do not agree, but I am being an adult. It's a year and a half since the sex part encroached into our relationship, and I've managed to keep it relatively harmless. Changing something, as I previouosly said in another post, will change who we are to each other, and I weigh all trade-offs. How one "acts like an adult" isn't carved in stone, given all possible considerations.
With regard to your last post, I'm looking for both feedback and advice....nothing is definitive as to what will happen....I'm trying to make more sense of my situation......I don't have all the answers, unlike some people who are suggesting that they do.
I've just read through the thread, and i agree with most. Even though he isn't not your brother, you still see him as one. As you said, you helped with nappy changing and bathing him....so obviously you have had some sort of brotherly/paternal feeling towards him. You need to be the adult here and open your eyes. A 16 year old kid?! Im 16, nearly 17 and I have more sense than you
Yes, maybe feelings were mixed while you two grew up, but this needs to stop, be the adult, get some clothes on when he sleeps, sleep in sepeate beds and make your descision.
But it seems you have already....
either that or you actually love getting a good dicking by him and dont want it to stop
to sum your problem up and solve it requires 4 words and a few peices of grammer
It's wrong, stop it.
Simple
... Sorry but to me that is just tempting him.
The title says it all... Act like a big sister and stop taking advantage of him.
:eek2:
It's not right I mean your 23, and you're liking someone who you "love as a brother" get you in " compremising positions" ...
Thanks for sharing your painful experience, and at so young an age. I hate that you were forcibly made to submit and sexually degraded. That was about five years ago, so you must be around 18 now. Is there any reason why you did not report this to the authorities?...or tell your parents or adult family members? Remember that what your godbrother did was criminal, and he should be punished, otherwise he may do it again thinking he can get away with it. And make sure you stay away from him.
Are you alright emotionally and mentally from the experience? I hope so. If not, please ask for help. You sound sweet and innocent....I hope everything else works out for you....you deserve a good life.
Your advice is sound and objective. I have to be both objective and subjective since I'm in the middle of it....and feelings, emotions, and and yes, sensuality, are all at play, among other factors. The "evil" in the situation is really in the eye of the beholder....which is ok, as we all look at everything from different prisms. Or perhaps I haven't been as articulate as I could be in outlining my relationship with Dale, within a limited context. Or both.
"Moving out" and have it "not end pretty"....and/or changing things enough between us so that we are no longer what we used to be....because of a youthful indiscretion by a then-15 1/2 year-old, from my perspective, is an overreaction and overkill. It's like severely punishing both Dale and me, for Dale's relatively playful physical misbehavior (and no, Dale has told me I didn't bring it about)....which in a year and a half, has not resulted in anything even close to being grievous, as many of the comments make things out to be. It's wholly disproportionate. Dale and I aren't having sexual intercourse.
If it seems Im not listening or hearing you, I am. I'm taking your point of view and expressing mine....so that perhaps I can learn from you and the other way as well. Frankly, I don't believe there is a "right" answer or solution.