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I just feel like crying
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am so sad. I have fallen in love with a girl who lives in another country.
I am totally besotted with this girl. we went out when we were younger and met again jan last year after talking on mypace. we fell for each other all over again. She was in a long-term relationship didn't feel the same way anymore. We have been back and forth visiting each other and away on hols for a week. she finally ended her relationship november last year.
A lot has been said and i thought that it was all go. I was ready to jump in the car and move closer to her. Since then i have realised i would be giving up 2 much as i am working my dads business as he is nearly 69. He was really not happy about me going and i had 2 admit he is right, for my own good. Future and all that.
Anyway i thought this girl would do the same for me and move here. Its been over a year since we started talking and i am at breaking pint because it is justheat ache being apart. So its down to her now and she has found out she is in a contract untill october with her house so will have to continue paying rent until then.
The thing is she can live with me rent free and still pay the rent on her house if it comes to it. She seems to be accepting having to wait till october. The thought of it makes me wanna cry. I know its a lot to ask of her but after all this time i think waiting that long would make me so depressed. Im starting to think she doesn't feel the same way that i do.
My heart is breaking. All i want is to be close to her to give our relationship a chance. I feel like she is the one. Am i asking too much?
:crying:
I am totally besotted with this girl. we went out when we were younger and met again jan last year after talking on mypace. we fell for each other all over again. She was in a long-term relationship didn't feel the same way anymore. We have been back and forth visiting each other and away on hols for a week. she finally ended her relationship november last year.
A lot has been said and i thought that it was all go. I was ready to jump in the car and move closer to her. Since then i have realised i would be giving up 2 much as i am working my dads business as he is nearly 69. He was really not happy about me going and i had 2 admit he is right, for my own good. Future and all that.
Anyway i thought this girl would do the same for me and move here. Its been over a year since we started talking and i am at breaking pint because it is justheat ache being apart. So its down to her now and she has found out she is in a contract untill october with her house so will have to continue paying rent until then.
The thing is she can live with me rent free and still pay the rent on her house if it comes to it. She seems to be accepting having to wait till october. The thought of it makes me wanna cry. I know its a lot to ask of her but after all this time i think waiting that long would make me so depressed. Im starting to think she doesn't feel the same way that i do.
My heart is breaking. All i want is to be close to her to give our relationship a chance. I feel like she is the one. Am i asking too much?
:crying:
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Comments
This is the more significant part of your post (im not ignoring the rest):
You could not move there and she will not move to you for the same reasons that you would not go - which is almost exactly the same reason I hesitated to move.
One night we talked for a while and she basicly gave me a choice - move in with her or live without her - it took me about 2 hours to decide and book the flight.
I am not going to get into any stuff about the nature of your relationship but you just need to think about what you want: a certain and secure future without her or a slightly insecure future with her. If you love her as much as you say the answer should be quite easy.
Surely she has the ability to give notice of termination of the contracts!?
She on the other hand has lived in london and now bristol for the experience. She is not in a serious job and was talking about moving into her own place anyway. So it feels like now its down to her she is back tracking. There is nothing really stopping her.
I know its a big move as im in northern ireland and i can understand that she doesn't want to pay rent and maybe even bills for somewhere she is not living. She lives with her cousin and his mate and doesn't want to leave them on bad terms.
If it was going to be that long then i would seriously consider giving up everything for her. Now this is happening i don't know if i would. I am not sure if there is a get out clause in her contract as she hasn't found out yet.
I talked to her last night and she said she is feelin really stressed at the moment becuase her sisters wedding is soon and a few birthdays and stuff. I sent her a message after, that was 9 text messages long! explaining the whole thing. All she said is she cant wait to see me and that it was ll getting on top of her but she is ok now?
At the end of th day if i have to push her that much then maybe she doesn't feel quitethe same as me. Im gonna leaveit for a few days to see if anything materialises.
Feelin so anxious and emotional it unbelieveable
Yes i understand that and i don't want her to come if she doesn't want to but if that is the case then she should be honest with me.
I have waited for her to come out of a relationship for a year so you can see why i have a sense of urgency. Its not fair that things have to be on her terms while i wear my heart on my sleeve. So much has been said that only actions will do. Its not even so much that i wouldn't wait for her as i have already done so. Its just that im not sure i wanna be with someone who has put me off for so long. It says heart ache all over it.
:banghead:
I am in total agreement with angel, if you don't back off, chill out, stop stressing and thinking about it you will annoy her and may end up with no decision to make at all, because she wont be with you.
I personally do not see your urgency, you started speaking to her again a year ago but your commited relationship has been since november - so it is 5 months with a bit of non-commited relationship lasting around 7 months.
If you can't wait more than a few months for her to sort her life out without breaking up with her give her an ultimatum now and either make it or break it.
Just think clearly about what you have now and compare it to what you had before you met her, then decide if you really want to break up with her because you cant wait for her to make a decision.
Is this the girl who you thought was sending you a saucy text in your other recent post? I'm confused.
Well yeah! i don't want to be with someone who doesn't share the same feelings as me. She has told me she has always had this thing for me, im her dream man and she loves me more than i know?
Expecting me to wait around for another year is just not fair. Would you wait 2 years to be with someone? If she likes me as much as she says she does then whats the problem?
Yes i have i a few issues with trust but thats because of the circumstances. We live apart and i have had to wait around while she decided if she was gonna end her relationship. I have to hold back because she doesnn't want to hurt her ex!
Throw me a thricken bone!
She would have to find a job near you to do that and who will support her while that happens, what would she then do if your relationship didnt work out and she had to leave your home and move and find another job. There are lots of things that people worry about that mean they don't run head long into things before really thinking it through. Just because she wont make the change now doesnt mean she doesnt care, just that there may be other things that are important to her that will be affected.
Oh and yes I would wait 2 years to be with someone, in fact it will be 2 years soon, our personal circumstances mean that I dont see my partner much at the moment, but soon it will change and we will be living together, my partner really wanted to buy a home which meant that as much as we wanted to be together it was not possible, we could have given in and rented and moved in together last year but we stuck it out for our long term future. If its going to be serious and by the sound of it you think it is then surely its worth making the effort, sticking out the bad times and working out the best soloution for you both.
Firstly im not trying to be horrible to you, just trying to make you see sense (I know you didn't say that, i just want to be clear before i type some kinda bleh stuff)
Its not 1 year, its 6 months since you got together properly in November.
Yes I would wait 2 years, I was in love my my girlfriend for a year before we got it together finally then waited 9 months before moving - I waited to tell her because i knew it would complicate things with her and her boyfriend, they split up eventually.
Look at things from her perspective here, you were gonna move to her and you didn't so maybe shes asking the same question you are asking "If he loves me as much as he says why didn't he move to me?"
Basicly dude you are gonna have to wait, compromise or break up with her.
Maybe as a compromise you can move there for a month if you can and live with her, see if you can live together and the time will go a bit more quickly.
I think this is the same girl...
That's what I was thinking...
I guess i have fallen so deeply that i am scared of getting hurt. It has been such a build up since last January (when we first kissed). I seem to be feelin dissapointment before it has happened. I guess her coming out of a relationship really doesn't help because im worried that she won't be ready for another one so soon or if she has even properly ended the last one.
Maybe i am letting my anxiety get the best of me. Just because it works in my head doesn't mean it will work in hers. It just feels like we are meant for each other so im eager to be with her. I guess it comes back to trust, i should believe what she is telling me about the way she feels, because if i did then i have nothing to worry about.
I am ready to see it out to the end. Even if it doesn't work between us i would support her or whatever untill she finds her way. I have said that i would be here as a friend even if it didn't work out as she is making a big move for me. I will fly over to do the drive with her.
My emotions are running high but like you have all said i need to have a little faith and give her the trust she needs, espeacially as her making the move would mean her putting complete trust in me.
Thanks for the input it really does help. Ill keep you posted
Wheres the chill pills at lol :nervous: