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Call me stupid, no please do!:D - but why can't you find some random slutty unknown girl to do lesbo stuff with whilst bf wanks off, if you're that keen on doing he's fantasy. If your dead against it, just leave things be and let this matter go.
Most women in pornos aren't really lebso you do know that? Like wise, most of em don't really like having 10inch cock up their arse!! Hey....that's just me guessing, some might:o - All I'm saying is don't read too much into porn, likewise don't get upset about your bf....chances are you wont be together 2-3 years down the line
Porn is a life enriching thing full of weird WEIRD fetishists and its those guys that are fun to watch!
As for in a relationship, its something you have to accept that partners will watch porn - as long as its done respectfully its ok in my opinion - respectfully as in not pulling his plonker while you are in the room or letting you hear it.
For the funny side of porn i would also recommend World of Whorecraft, probably the worst thing ever made in the history of computer game related porn. Its a good starter because its funny as hell.
World of Whorecraft?! That sounds immense. Me and the bf will be watching that one tonight!
HAHA!
That's presumptuous. And yes I know they arent real...
For the most part I have found what people are saying on here really helpful. I don't like the rants or pointless replies but the ones offering advice - my thanks goes out to you. I am working through this and putting my questions to you is helping me greatly.
My partner is very supportive too. We are going to order Petra Joy DVDs soon to watch together which I am sure will really help me.
Meanwhile, your advice is great thanks. Keep it coming if you have something to say.
Sure that doesnt help much, it makes it sound like she's not giving him enough so he has to go elsewhere which probably isnt the case
I agree. I really don't think that's the issue here.
I thought that about it and we have sex everyday. Not because we should but because we can't help it. We can't get enough of eachother. Which, when I found out about the pornography I was left thinking "why the hell isn't that enough?" leaving me rather unwanted, unfanciable and inadequate - like all that I do isn't enough to satisfy him for long enough.
The most annoying thing is that some days I feel ok about it like "so what if he is" and other days I almost can't bare to look at him for how his "hobby" makes me feel.
The most stupid thing? I'm a recently qualified psychologist. I should get this. I don't and it's making me really fedup.
Telling me just to "suck it up" is not helping me. I'm very patient and resilient. If that was possible, this forum wouldn't be here.
If you're having sex every day with your husband and you're still very passionate then you're doing a lot better than many relationships! I think that's a sure sign that there's no need to worry =]
Well what do you wanna hear? That if you keep on at him, in time he'll see the error of he's ways?!?
Sorry I'm giving out the truth, I'm very sorry if it's too hard to swallow for you.
You can be the most patient person in the world sweetheart but this 'problem' is one of your own making, therefore it's one you will have to fix in your own way...and only way I can see that happening is to just 'suck it up' - you can't win em all, it's nothing personal - it's just life.
Yeah watch that girlie porn together, it might help for bit but he'll still sneak back and watch the hardcore shit that he's into, it's just the way it is I'm afraid.
And personally if this sort of thing is eating you up now - then no, i can't see the relationship lasting more than 2-3 years cos your bf not gonna suddenly stop wanking over porn, and this issue is only going to get worse, not better. But sod it, I hope you find away to get over your hang-up and prove me wrong
Harmless, people are entitled to feel they way they do about their own relationships. Feeling troubled by your partner watching other people having sex is hardly some unusual 'hang-up' that should be dismissed so roundly. The idea that difficulties are delt with by the person with the problem just putting up and shutting up just simply hasn't ever worked for anyone.
The tone of your replies have continually been pretty accusatory, implying that the OP has something wrong with her for feeling the way she does. So, sweetheart, maybe think before posting in that way again?
And Button, glad you've been able to talk to him, I hope it helps to try and see how you can explore the situation with him.
She hates the fact that her bf looks at porn - it's therefore her problem, her bf has not done anything wrong. We have all suggested ways she can deal with her problem. In the end, if she can't find a solution to deal with her problem, then sooner or later she's going to have to 'put up' or walk away from the relationship. I can't see there being any in-between ground for her.
She asked for advice and disliked it repeatedly, I then point out that in all likelyhood, their relationship simply wont last, and because it's not done in a 'cuddly' manner I'm the bad guy. Well, say hello to the bad guy!
Yep I hold my hands up :wave: - in this instance, (and many others) I've been an arsehole. Doesn't mean that I was wrong or that my advice was bad.
I can't be sorry for what I said or how I said it. I've seen people on this site voice their views with much more venom than I have. If this should results in a ban for me, then so be it.
I didn't repeatedly dislike advice. If you go back and read my posts you will see that I thanked everyone for their advice and said I am working through my problem. "For the most part" were my exact words.
In my opinion, yes you are wrong. You don't know me or my partner to say this will break us up. I've seen much worse happen in other peoples relationships and they get through it. As for your aggression and patronisation, get over yourself, because you have no bloody right to say the things you have in the way you have said them. What gives you permission to be so unreasonable in your wording? Because other people have? Oh that's ok then!!
I haven't found your advice in the slightest bit helpful. Frankly I consider you to be a cynical moody man with one to many bad experiences under his belt to see the happiness in life. Should you be banned? HELL YEAH!
If you can't be supportive, or don't have something supportive or helpful to say, don't say it. As for the rest of you, thankyou AGAIN, this is helping me a lot.
Here is some light relief for those non dramallamas:
They need more than a psychologist.
Right now we wouldn't be looking to ban anyone, but we did want to point out how unhappy we were with Harmless's posts and his tone in discussing his viewpoint and of course you're entitled to respond to his description of your posts Button.
However, best people just concentrate on the issue at heart going forward, so we'll pull comments not related to the issues of porn in relationships.
I am looking forward to the transcripts from the discussions being posted. Really interested to see what people say in an open discussion too.
The last couple of days it has been on my mind loads. Other days, I barely think about it. :-/
Howdy Button,
I feel the same way as you about my b/f . I have to say though that there are several complicating factors and I recognise my own role in the matter.
Here's the facts:
We've been together nearly five years and I knew he was very into porn .
However at the start he seemed to go off it completely as you know you're at it like rabbits at start of a new relationship! Then as things normalised he obviously crept back to the porn.
I realised it was annoying me , I guess making me feel insecure so we discussed it. I have a high sex drive but a CRAZY busy job and not always around, despite living in same house we could go days without speaking. I said I'd compromise with sex and was keen to play out some of his fantasies , things seemed fine for a while.
Our sex life started to deteriorate, becoming routine, same position, nothing new , boring really despite me suggesting new things etc, suprising him blah dee blah, so I gave up and now we rarely have sex as I dont enjoy it and thus the porn seems to be a daily thing for him, which puts me off even more - vicious circle.
One of the main things that annoys me about it is that there is a memory of it on my computer and I don't like that.
So I recognise my own prudish problems with it and it is my problem that I knowing went into this relationship.
What has annoyed me about it is , he isn't honest about his porn use and he doesn't try with me to make our sex like fun exciting and back to the way it was.
I'm actually at the end of my tether with it and it has caused me to have the 'break up' talk. So obviously our problems lie deeper than this porn issue , but it has contributed.
I tell you my story to show that you're not alone, but also to help you realise that it is can become a big problem if not addressed . And lastly to show that sometimes the problem can't be fixed despite years of trying and you just have to have a clean break and ensure you don't walk into the same problem in the next relationship.
I do wonder does your sex life have any of these additional problem factors, in that case it may not be just the porn that is making you feel so low.
Final comment sorry
At present he is not looking at porn as I have asked him to stop. Credit to him too that he is as he wouldn't lie to me. We discuss the problem regularly, to summarize how each of us feel and how my problem is running it's course. I haven't shown him this forum yet, not sure when to approach it.
Last day or so my mind has been very "so what if he does" but give it a couple of days and I'll dread the idea again.
Thus far, it doesn't affect our sex at all. We have sex or foreplay almost everyday and it's always amazing. Even when I knew he was looking at porn it still didn't affect our sex life. But that isn't the issue. The issue is that I feel like I'm not enough, which if is allowed to continue, will start to affect our sex life because it has a huge influence on my self esteem.
What I am finding just lately (and I find this really odd) is that when I masturbate I sometimes find myself fantasizing about him masturbating over porn - even though I don't like him doing that. I can't work that out. Any sugestions?
I hope you sort your issues out Ubernube. Is there any way we can chat directly via email as I'd like to discuss more with you
No idea, but if it works, go with it. Why not watch the porn together? If it feels good, don't question it!
Grr I just wish I could be totally "blah" to his whole need to watch it.
As much as it might be hard to accept that he enjoys porn, I think you need to remember that you don't have to force yourself into things if you feel really uncomfortable with them.
I'm so glad to hear that you guys have great communication and a super sex life, it sounds to me things are getting better already
As regards telling him about this forum, if you feel you must, just explain you been getting anonamous advice, he may appreciate it more as I know guys don't like to think about what us girls discuss with our girlfriends, he may be relieved about you getting advice on a forum instead, who knows!
Speak soon !
Here it is: http://www.thesite.org/community/thesocial/chat/chatarchive/peeradvisorchat
:thumb:
I am pretty dirty minded myself so I don't find the content offensive particularly.
I guess I don't like that he is getting pleasure outside the relationship. It males me feel like what I am doing is not enough which leads me to think why should I even bother. I'm never going to be enough, he still needs the crap on the Internet so why should I even try?
That is how it makes me feel.