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Hate that he likes porn
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been with my partner a year. I have known he looks at pornography the whole time. We have talked about it over and over and he knows it makes me feel insecure, inadequate and uncomfortable. After a big talk he agreed to stop and I said we'd compromise by watching it together. We have been doing that but I don't enjoy it and I know he misses watching it alone. The mere thought of him masturbating to porn makes my stomach churn and I resent him for enjoying it. I resent myself for not being one of those girls who is really indifferent to it.
Can anyone help? This whole thing is getting on my nerves now because there are times when I can't stop thinkig about it.
Can anyone help? This whole thing is getting on my nerves now because there are times when I can't stop thinkig about it.
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Is your relationship okay apart from this aspect? Wouldn't you think that if him watching porn had a negative impact, you'd notice it in your relationship?
It just bothers me so much. I have tried rationalizing it and am finding it really hard.
Do I not do it enough for him that he has to look at that false crap on the internet to get off?
Guys don't seem to be able to do the imagination thing... Least not the ones I've spoken to.
And I don't see the difference between them watching something on a screen to imagining it in their head anyway...
If you don't like watching the porn... Don't. And just ask him not to let you know if he's watched any either so you're not always thinking about it.
I guess this will all boil down to how much you care for him, and whether or not you can accept his interests and desires. If you can't live with him having his own "freeplay" sessions, then you're always going to feel insecure, inadequate and uncomfortable with him.
Porn... no porn. We're all different, and neither is right or wrong. But you need to decide whether you can accept his 'interest', or whether it's always going to be an issue for you. If he wants to do it, then he'll do it, whether you know or not.
I don't have a problem with him masturbating, just the looking at porn.
I have tried so hard to rationalize it in my head I just can't get any further than I have.
Some days I'm completely ok with it. Most days it makes me sick to my stomach.
It's pretty hard to masturbate without any sexual stimulus; if he didn't watch it he'd be imagining it anyway... There's not all that much difference.
I consider it one of my pleasures and past times lol.
I'm lucky my other half watches porn with me, but nowhere near as much as I watch on my own!
It's a guy thing... I would just try and learn to accept it TBH, he's not doing anything wrong.
Looking at pictures of women in a sexual fashion... thinking of women in a sexual fashion. Is one really better than the other? Is it better to look at pornography, or fantasise about being with people you know in real life?
Frankly the first step is going to be figuring out why it bothers you so much. Then deciding if it's a legitimate reason or not.
One time he ordered some Asian stuff and it came through the post and I was like, "What did you buy?"
He said, "Can't tell you. Maybe it's something for your birthday."
I asked no questions and I remembered that. When it came round to my birthday and I proceeded to get nothing that shape I had to query what it was.
What a knob. But I'm not Asian so I can't do that for him, unfortunately.
I tried watching some of my boyfriend's porn once. It was HILARIOUS.
The stuff you bloke watches on TV or whatever is a fantasy, escapism. But YOU are the one he is with, you are the ones he loves and you are the one he has sex with.
Should we get all arsey when women use vibrators? No, because I've never seen a Rampant Rabbit that can check the oil in a Ford Ka before.
The time to be concerned is if the only way he can bring himself off is with porn and not with you.
Hang on - this is a rather selfish view. He's a porn watcher now, and you can expect him to be the same in 10 years unless he wants to stop.
The real question is this - if you(or the original poster) have a problem with this behaviour, is this really someone you should plan on being with in another 10 years time? I'm not trying to say that watching porn is right or wrong - it's one of those things that we all have different views on, and it's a part of what makes us who we are.
When did trying to change a partner ever successfully work out? And, just as importantly, what gives us the right to expect them to change, rather than us changing ourselves?
Maybe he's mature enough, and comfortable enough, for you visiting the chippendales to be a non-issue?
I totally agree with this post. :yes:
I mean if you're happy in every other department, why let this one little issue fuck you up? It's almost like some people can't just be happy with what they've got and need to change things. No good can come of forcing someone to change to please you, as it simply doesn't last.
This is just one of those times in life where you have to suck it up and just let it go.
I think you dont have anything to worry about. Hes just being normal and hes trying to please you but youre not being fair by making him stop.
I guess one of the things is that he is turned on the most by something I can't do and that gets to me. I kind of feel like I can't fulfill his every fantasy because I am not that way inclined. In this way, it feels like he is more turned on by porn than he is by me because what he is looking at turns him on more than anything else.
I can't do the imagination thing personally, I have to watch porn when the urge kicks in.. and even then I'm not thinking about whats going on in the video I'm just watching to hit the peak. There's no need to think is there if it's all on the screen for you! It means nothing to me and I'd put money on your boyfriend thinking it's nothing too.
I think it'd be very unfair to make your boyfriend stop watching it personally and I think the fact that he's making an effort to stop watching it in order to make you happy speaks massive volumes about how much he's into you.
I very much doubt that. He most probably just uses it to have a wank with. You said your sex life is great so its not like hes replacing sex with wanking to porn.
As romantic as it sounds, nobody can be everything to someone. There will be certain things your partner cant fulfil, and tbh, pretty much everyone needs a wank at some point or another and most guys will watch porn to do it. It doesnt mean hes not into you, or less into you than he should be. It just means watching people get off, gets him off. It does for loads of people, its normal.
I dont know how you stop feeling anxious about it - maybe just keep reminding yourself this is your problem, not his. Ask him to not talk about it and keep it to himself as much as he can and just try and forget it.
You learn to suck it up and let it go by accepting sometime in life, things have to be a certain way, and no matter how much we might dislike it, it's just the way it is. No amount of whining or manipulation will change it, sorry!
Out of interest, what the fuck is it that these porno slags can do that you can't? And would you really want to do it just to please your bf? The chances are hun, even if you could do it he still would bash the bishop - IT'S JUST LIFE. Please don't waste any more of your time fretting over something you can not change....
In my view it's not problem, and it'll only become a problem when your needs get unfulfilled. So the only want to stop him wanking is to just keep him drained
Like someone else said, should we get all arsey that you use vibrators? Is our cock not good enough? Well, I'm sorry he can't vibrate, my wee wee feels so insecure now.
Get over it. Watching porn is not seeing something and wishing for it like on teleshopping channel, it's just visual stimulus.
You don't ask HOW to suck it up and let it go, otherwise it wouldn't be sucking up and letting go, you just do. And you can't forbid him anyway, he will just keep watching secretly. Can't think of a example where putting a man into a cage (forbidding him things he enjoys) ever improved a relationship.