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I'm 19 yr old girl.... He's a 32 yr old man... Yes or no??

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok basically to cut it short ..........

I split from a year relationship with my boyfriend and found it hard to cope with at first as my dad was so pleased as he 'disapproved of him'. My girl mates picked me up and we've been out clubbing a lot during the past 3-5 weekends and I’m enjoying my self now but I’ve known another male friend for over three years now and he is always there for me no matter what.

I'm on mood tablets as I have severe mood swings - I’m coping ok now. He is also on anti-depressant tablets so we both know what we are going through.

My parents don't 'approve' of this friend either as I’m 19 and he is 32.
To me - he is the only person in my life at the moment who truly understands what I’m going through and feel, but my parents are always saying why can't I find a boyfriend my own age.

Am I doing the wrong thing for having feelings for Mark, the 32 yr old?
Should I just stay friends or act on my emotions?

Faye.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The numbers themselves don't mean much.

    What concerns me more is that you're considering him because you're both going through a tough time. In my experience/opinion, that really isn't a great foundation for a relationship.

    I think you need to focus on yourself and getting better until you find somebody who you like because of something else than because he's depressed or you think understands you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It prob sounded that way but it's not. I've been having these feelings for almost three years... my feelings for him 'helped' my last relationship end.
    I'm just so confused about what to do at the moment....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So three years ago he was 29, but you were only 16. Does seem a little odd dont you think?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont see a problem, but thats cos I know alot of people who are in big age gaps. My mate is 19 and he's 30, another mate, she's 20 and he's 41 - they have a kid. They are both happy, one couple have split up, but they are back together now.

    I was 16 when I got with my finacee, who was 23, at first he was abit unsure, but 4 years on were still together, engaged, buying our own house and best of all weve got a baby.

    I'd just say that you might change and want different ideas in life. I was so immature when I got with my fella, but I soon grew up and we are perfect now.


    Good luck :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    MrG wrote: »
    So three years ago he was 29, but you were only 16. Does seem a little odd dont you think?

    That doesnt mean anything though. At 16 your still a kid basically, at 19 your a young adult, on the way to becoming independant and making your own choices. Thats the way i see it.
  • SkiveSkive No discipline. No morality. No respect. New ForestPosts: 15,269 Skive's The Limit
    MrG wrote: »
    So three years ago he was 29, but you were only 16. Does seem a little odd dont you think?

    I don't.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It wasnt odd to me until she mentioned that the feelings have been there since an early easily influential stage of her life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm 19 yr old girl.... He's a 32 yr old man... Yes or no??

    Hi Faye - Welcome to the boards! :wave:

    Age gaps are always a tough one, no-one really can tell which ones will work and which won't and which relationship the age will be an issue with and which will be fine.

    Like others have said, basing a relationship on the fact that you've both had some problems and can understand that aspect of your lives might not be the best idea - after all understanding is important but you must have more in common than that to keep things together long-term.

    Thesite has an advice page about relationships with an age gap that has some sensible advice that might help you http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/couples/lifeasacouple/agegaps

    Its good you've got some supportive friends, they're worth their weight in gold at times like this!

    Whilst there's no real right or wrong, only your feelings, bear in mind that you're only just getting over someone else which isn't the best starting point for another relationship. Perhaps give it some time and see how you feel in a few weeks? You don't want to make him the 'rebound' guy when it might've been something more.

    Good luck with it all - keep posting and talk with your friends and family as they'll be able to help you come to a decision.

    Lisa
    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rachie004 wrote: »
    10 years ago I was 12 and my other half was 39..

    OMFG how wrong!

    Ah, but I assume he wasn't interested in you when you were 12.....?

    I think that's the difference. The age gap in itself wouldn't be a problem to me, what would be is that it sounds like you are close because you like the comfort and support and understanding you get from him. While that's a good thing it is probably better to give yourself sometime to sort yourself out a bit, get your independance up and see if you're still keen or if he's actually a great friend and comforter but probably not what you want for an equal relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think if you really like him, then give it a go, although i cant help notice youve said im a 19 year old GIRL and hes a MAN, so you obviously dont feel equal
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think if you really like him, then give it a go, although i cant help notice youve said im a 19 year old GIRL and hes a MAN, so you obviously dont feel equal

    Suzy picked up on something I didn't.

    Having 'been there and done that' along the lines of what you are describing I'd suggest staying as friends if you're feelings towards him are because he's the only one who understands what you're going through.

    If you fancy the pants off him, then that's another matter. But if it's the comfort and reassurance you enjoy then you're better off staying as friends as it won't be a relationship it will be you depending on him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would just be careful if you do decide to pursue a relationship with him. The two of you are in completely different stages of life. To me, that is the biggest issue with dating someone who is that much older, especially when you are only 19. He has experienced many different challenges in his life that allow him to relate. I have found that sometimes in these situations, you find yourself at a loss of conversation or feeling a lack of life experience. But everyone is different. If you feel that this will work give it a shot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    at that age there is always the risk that he will want a much more serious relationship than you should at that age, and if you fall in love, youll just go along with it - it may even be attractive, but it might make you grow up sooner than you need to, and then the lost youth will resurface later and youll wonder what you missed
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not that 32 is old. I dont think it is - im 32, but although i can relate well enough to much younger people, it doesnt feel that long ago myself and i certainly wouldnt see a 19 year old as childish for instance, im friends with people around that age, but if it was a relationship, even if we had lots in common, it wouldnt be fair IYKWIM because we almost certainly would be at very different stages of life
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    at that age there is always the risk that he will want a much more serious relationship than you should at that age, and if you fall in love, youll just go along with it - it may even be attractive, but it might make you grow up sooner than you need to, and then the lost youth will resurface later and youll wonder what you missed
    This is very true, i am 22 and married to a 31year old so not quite as big a gap as you with the bloke you like but still a rather big one. We met when i was 19 and fell in love blah blah blah, now three years on (married with a baby and second one on the way) i look around at my friends and people i used to socialise with and realise they are only now beginning to think of settling down, sometimes it depresses me because when we've had an arguement or im upset most don't understand what i'm going through and i have lost a lot of friends through them being at different stages in their lives than me.

    The thing that keeps me going is that i wanted all of this, to be married, the babies etc I wouldn't change the decisions i made for the world, but if you are thinking of starting a relationship based on the tough times you are both having...you may feel differently to how i do when you are 3 or 4 years into the relationship.

    Think carefully about what you both want from the relationship, how mentally mature you both are (me and the hubby even eachother out which is another reason it works for us) and if he is wanting to settle down get married, have kids etc i suggest you really think about whether or not you are ready for that. To me there is nothing worse than a partner being talked into something they dont really want, because chances are sometime in the future they will regret it.

    Good luck
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