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I'm 19 yr old girl.... He's a 32 yr old man... Yes or no??
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok basically to cut it short ..........
I split from a year relationship with my boyfriend and found it hard to cope with at first as my dad was so pleased as he 'disapproved of him'. My girl mates picked me up and we've been out clubbing a lot during the past 3-5 weekends and I’m enjoying my self now but I’ve known another male friend for over three years now and he is always there for me no matter what.
I'm on mood tablets as I have severe mood swings - I’m coping ok now. He is also on anti-depressant tablets so we both know what we are going through.
My parents don't 'approve' of this friend either as I’m 19 and he is 32.
To me - he is the only person in my life at the moment who truly understands what I’m going through and feel, but my parents are always saying why can't I find a boyfriend my own age.
Am I doing the wrong thing for having feelings for Mark, the 32 yr old?
Should I just stay friends or act on my emotions?
Faye.
I split from a year relationship with my boyfriend and found it hard to cope with at first as my dad was so pleased as he 'disapproved of him'. My girl mates picked me up and we've been out clubbing a lot during the past 3-5 weekends and I’m enjoying my self now but I’ve known another male friend for over three years now and he is always there for me no matter what.
I'm on mood tablets as I have severe mood swings - I’m coping ok now. He is also on anti-depressant tablets so we both know what we are going through.
My parents don't 'approve' of this friend either as I’m 19 and he is 32.
To me - he is the only person in my life at the moment who truly understands what I’m going through and feel, but my parents are always saying why can't I find a boyfriend my own age.
Am I doing the wrong thing for having feelings for Mark, the 32 yr old?
Should I just stay friends or act on my emotions?
Faye.
0
Comments
What concerns me more is that you're considering him because you're both going through a tough time. In my experience/opinion, that really isn't a great foundation for a relationship.
I think you need to focus on yourself and getting better until you find somebody who you like because of something else than because he's depressed or you think understands you.
I'm just so confused about what to do at the moment....
I was 16 when I got with my finacee, who was 23, at first he was abit unsure, but 4 years on were still together, engaged, buying our own house and best of all weve got a baby.
I'd just say that you might change and want different ideas in life. I was so immature when I got with my fella, but I soon grew up and we are perfect now.
Good luck
That doesnt mean anything though. At 16 your still a kid basically, at 19 your a young adult, on the way to becoming independant and making your own choices. Thats the way i see it.
I don't.
Hi Faye - Welcome to the boards! :wave:
Age gaps are always a tough one, no-one really can tell which ones will work and which won't and which relationship the age will be an issue with and which will be fine.
Like others have said, basing a relationship on the fact that you've both had some problems and can understand that aspect of your lives might not be the best idea - after all understanding is important but you must have more in common than that to keep things together long-term.
Thesite has an advice page about relationships with an age gap that has some sensible advice that might help you http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelationships/couples/lifeasacouple/agegaps
Its good you've got some supportive friends, they're worth their weight in gold at times like this!
Whilst there's no real right or wrong, only your feelings, bear in mind that you're only just getting over someone else which isn't the best starting point for another relationship. Perhaps give it some time and see how you feel in a few weeks? You don't want to make him the 'rebound' guy when it might've been something more.
Good luck with it all - keep posting and talk with your friends and family as they'll be able to help you come to a decision.
Lisa
x
Ah, but I assume he wasn't interested in you when you were 12.....?
I think that's the difference. The age gap in itself wouldn't be a problem to me, what would be is that it sounds like you are close because you like the comfort and support and understanding you get from him. While that's a good thing it is probably better to give yourself sometime to sort yourself out a bit, get your independance up and see if you're still keen or if he's actually a great friend and comforter but probably not what you want for an equal relationship.
Suzy picked up on something I didn't.
Having 'been there and done that' along the lines of what you are describing I'd suggest staying as friends if you're feelings towards him are because he's the only one who understands what you're going through.
If you fancy the pants off him, then that's another matter. But if it's the comfort and reassurance you enjoy then you're better off staying as friends as it won't be a relationship it will be you depending on him.
The thing that keeps me going is that i wanted all of this, to be married, the babies etc I wouldn't change the decisions i made for the world, but if you are thinking of starting a relationship based on the tough times you are both having...you may feel differently to how i do when you are 3 or 4 years into the relationship.
Think carefully about what you both want from the relationship, how mentally mature you both are (me and the hubby even eachother out which is another reason it works for us) and if he is wanting to settle down get married, have kids etc i suggest you really think about whether or not you are ready for that. To me there is nothing worse than a partner being talked into something they dont really want, because chances are sometime in the future they will regret it.
Good luck