Age gap relationships

Former Member

What do we think? Age is just a number? Or is sometimes a gap just a tad unrealistic and a bit hard to cope with long term.

I look forward to hearing what you guys think, because I have a few points of views about this!!

Former Member

What are they then?

Personally, for me, I have issues with big age gaps when the younger party is under 20 or so. I feel they still have a lot of growing up to do and fail to see how they could have much in common with somebody, say, 30.

Former Member

I know someone that met her, now husband, when she was 15 and he was 45. Obviously everyone was quick to judge and pass unfair comment about their relationship, but good on them, but they're still happy together at 38 and 68

Former Member

Im a bit funny about them, depending on the age gap. As long as they are in happy, loving relationships then thats OK.

Former Member

I get the impression (from the people I've spoken to), that if the men is 15, 20+ years older, then he must be a perve who cannot get a woman his own age and that it's a huge taboo?

What about 'can't helping who you fall for?'..

Former Member

I know 30 year olds who are a lot less capable of having a mature relationships than some 19 year olds I know. The nicest couple I know are my brother (35) and my sister in law (24 - same age as me but twice as mature) and they're beyond lovely together.

There's a girl at work who's 20, and she was saying the other day that she won't go with anybody under 25 (such a pity as I was trying to flirt at the time - sore one!) but it's far more to do with the people involved.

I tend to stick to my own age, but never say never.

Former Member

depends on the person i think

my mum is dating a younger bloke (by 20 years) but they make eachother happy

Former Member

Depends on the couple really. Sometimes they work and sometimes they dont.

My ex was fourteen and half years older then me and it was very obvious how different we where in career/life stages .I used to like older men (9/10 years plus) when I was younger, but I prefer someone around my own age nowdays. I wouldn't even mind going out with someone a year or two younger with me if they where mature enough and we got on well.

Former Member

I'm all for them (I'm in one myself), and whilst I'm happy and my OH is happy, then I'm not going to let it get me down..

Former Member

I'm 23 and my other half is 35 in two weeks time.. everything's a lot more rosey in this relationship than it ever was with anyone my own age

Former Member

Ah, there's 17yrs between me and OH.

Former Member

My dad married a woman half his age (which, considering my dad was 54 at the time, is a considerable gap) and my mum married a man ten years younger than her.

Must say I would be a bit funny about 10yr+ age gaps when one of them is under 20, 'cause you're at totally different points in your life usually.

Former Member

I think a 5 year age gap is about right myself

Former Member

Aye - when you get older, I don't have too much of an issue with it.

Former Member

Big age gaps are less of an issue if it's the man that's older - especially if hey want to have kids some day. And also a less of an issue the older the couple are.

Former Member

I've been totally ripped to shreds as a paedo/kiddy fiddler for having these age gaps with different girls (me vs girl): 20/16, 20/17, 21/17, 21/18, 22/18, 23/19. Admittedly there was a bit of a maturity gap but I quite like it when they're cute, sweet, innocent like that. Right now I'm 23 and dating a 21yo and still get a bit of stick for that! Everyone I know dates people exactly their own age, even year above/below is quite rare, people say you only have to resort to that if you can't get anyone your own age! So it's baffling coming onto these sorta sites and seeing teenagers dating people in late 20s!

Former Member

depends on the people, and if they obviously get on well and connect with each other and noones being taken advantage of then its usually ok in my eyes, although if the age gap is massive then i might feel a bit judgemental but it would depend.
Im 4 years older than my OH so not much of an age gap really.

Former Member

I'll probably just repeat what others have said, that big age gaps when one is under 20 can seem a bit iffy, but i have respect for those who stay in these and dont let other peoples opinions get in the way of their own happiness. I would never cast people as paedos though!
If they are happy then who can argue. I have a friend (23) who is going out with a man who is 39, but they are really happy together and really in love.
I, myself, am going out with someone 4years older than myself, which isnt a huge gap but I can feel a tad young when with his friends.

Former Member

nelly_bar wrote: »

i have respect for those who stay in these and dont let other peoples opinions get in the way of their own happiness.

Surely your "own happiness" would be heavily affected from friends constantly giving you stick / being against it / telling you it's wrong / laughing at you for being unable to get anyone your own age? Or are you lot immune to criticism?!

Former Member

Ricardo R wrote: »

Surely your "own happiness" would be heavily affected from friends constantly giving you stick / being against it / telling you it's wrong / laughing at you for being unable to get anyone your own age? Or are you lot immune to criticism?!

with friends like that who needs enemies.

Former Member

Im sure it would be difficult if such 'friends' were stabbing you so much.
Saying that, I wouldn't regard them as much of a friend if they couldn't respect my decision and be there for me..

Former Member

Once again I am reminded by Ricardo of Jomery.

Former Member

However good your friends are, a) lads will give you 'banter' just seeing it as harmless fun not knowing comments can be hurtful and b) they're doing it more for your own interests, just like girls can be judgemental on their friend's boyfriends, saying "I think you could do a lot better" or whatever.

Former Member

Ricardo R wrote: »

However good your friends are, a) lads will give you 'banter' just seeing it as harmless fun not knowing comments can be hurtful and b) they're doing it more for your own interests, just like girls can be judgemental on their friend's boyfriends, saying "I think you could do a lot better" or whatever.

not once youre past the age of about 15 tbh

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

not once youre past the age of about 15 tbh

Meh. My friends are from a range of different social circles, they're mature professionals, and the response is always the same - get praised if you're with a fittie and vilified if they're not deemed attractive. My new gf was been deemed a fantastic 'first lady' as my other half at parties and resultantly I've had a lot more opportunities in life recently.

Former Member

Knee High Stripy Socks wrote: »

Once again I am reminded by Ricardo of Jomery.

:yes:

Former Member

Ricardo R wrote: »

Meh. My friends are from a range of different social circles, they're mature professionals, and the response is always the same - get praised if you're with a fittie and vilified if they're not deemed attractive. My new gf was been deemed a fantastic 'first lady' as my other half at parties and resultantly I've had a lot more opportunities in life recently.

wow, how shallow are you and your friends then?
What about love?

Former Member

Ricardo R wrote: »

Surely your "own happiness" would be heavily affected from friends constantly giving you stick / being against it / telling you it's wrong / laughing at you for being unable to get anyone your own age? Or are you lot immune to criticism?!

Does it really matter what others think? Also, if they were really 'friends' then they wouldn't say anything.

Former Member

Melian wrote: »

Does it really matter what others think? Also, if they were really 'friends' then they wouldn't say anything.

Surely if people were 'friends' they would tell you their honest thoughts on everything rather than keep their opinions to themselves? And let's not get started on how much it matters what others think debate, image and reputation matter immensely for some careers/lives, if I don't have that I don't have anything.

Former Member

.

Former Member

Ricardo R wrote: »

Meh. My friends are from a range of different social circles, they're mature professionals, and the response is always the same - get praised if you're with a fittie and vilified if they're not deemed attractive. My new gf was been deemed a fantastic 'first lady' as my other half at parties and resultantly I've had a lot more opportunities in life recently.

:eek2: I've never come across anyone who cares about other peoples' relationships.