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I Can't Talk To Girls.

I've been doing some thinking and I've realised I've realised that Im slightly more confident than I was a year ago but then I think, I still can't speak to girls. My problem is that I feel like I've got nothing to offer. When its not that, I don't want to risk looking silly because I never know what to say.

I know I might have done something like this before and forgive me if this is repetitive but its just kind of been bugging me lately.
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been doing some thinking and I've realised I've realised that Im slightly more confident than I was a year ago but then I think, I still can't speak to girls. My problem is that I feel like I've got nothing to offer. When its not that, I don't want to risk looking silly because I never know what to say.

    I know I might have done something like this before and forgive me if this is repetitive but its just kind of been bugging me lately.

    Why are you less confident speaking to women than you are speaking to men?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well its a couple of reasons really. the best one would say that im not used to girls or being around girls.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well its a couple of reasons really. the best one would say that im not used to girls or being around girls.

    So maybe you should try and talk to them more, we're no different to men and you shouldn't be scared about saying silly things.

    My boyfriend does that all the time and I still like him :razz:

    How about making the effort to talk to friends' sisters and their girlfriends etc. You don't have to flirt or anything but once you get over the fear of talking to them and realising you wont die if you say something silly or stammer over a word you might get enough confidence to talk to girls you don't know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats basically what I should do.

    I only said this because Im going to Uni in september and would feel kinda silly about this small problem. Im not desperate in the sense I have to solve it right this minute but would like to do it gradually.

    thanks for the advice.

    edited to say: I can chat to sisters mates and mates girlfriends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So it's just women you've never talked to then? I get like this as well - both with men & women. Do feel alright after about 5 minutes or so.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats basically what I should do.

    I only said this because Im going to Uni in september and would feel kinda silly about this small problem. Im not desperate in the sense I have to solve it right this minute but would like to do it gradually.

    thanks for the advice.

    edited to say: I can chat to sisters mates and mates girlfriends.

    Well that sounds perfect, you'll have plenty of opportunity to brush up on your 'skills' while you are at uni ;)

    If you can talk your sisters mates and your mates girlfriends then you can talk to girls. You'll be fine. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kind of know what you mean, I can be the same and usually end up coming across as a bit boring to start with I imagine :banghead:
    Still as Raggydoll has said everything comes with practice, including social skills, conversation skills etc
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    So it's just women you've never talked to then? I get like this as well - both with men & women. Do feel alright after about 5 minutes or so.

    Im not sure what you mean by never spoke to women, If you mean have I ever started a proper conversation then not really.

    you are right about the 5 minutes though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Once you go to university, you will get more opportunities to talk with the opposite sex. The more you talk to girls the better you will become, and the sooner you will realise they don't bite (not all of them anyway ;) ).

    In the mean time, is it possible you could get a job? If you could get a bar job etc you can then use this as an excuse to talk with girls in the bar. You don't have to be flirting but just practicing and building up your confidence. You could even become one of the street survey people, once again your having to talk to people as part of your job.

    If getting a job is out of the question, then how about finding some time to do voluntary work. You could then use this voluntary work as an excuse to talk with girls/ women.

    :thumb:
    It is all about practice. If you wanted to improve your football skills you would practice, its the same with talking to girls.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    makes sense. Its a good Idea.

    whats been bothering me though is whenever a girl walks past me, I look at the ground and carry on walking. surely this isn't a great sign?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If your looking at the ground then she probably isn't going to make an effort to talk with you. Its all about body language. Looking down at the ground shouts 'don't speak to me'. Start practicing at keeping your head up, maybe even smile if you like her.

    Again, just practice until you become better at it.

    :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Calvin wrote: »
    If your looking at the ground then she probably isn't going to make an effort to talk with you. Its all about body language. Looking down at the ground shouts 'don't speak to me'. Start practicing at keeping your head up, maybe even smile if you like her.

    This is good advice :yes:

    Even in the street or on the train. OK, don't go grinning at every girl you see cause you'll end up getting locked up, but keep the head up and if you see a pretty girl in the street then give her a smile. I do that, if she smiles back it's an ego boost and if you've got a couple of beers in you then you'll maybe even talk to her an have a news.

    There's more to confidence than that though obviously, and more to pulling than fit, if slightly chavvy, girls in the street.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im not sure what you mean by never spoke to women, If you mean have I ever started a proper conversation then not really.

    you are right about the 5 minutes though.

    Yeah, that's what I did mean. Sorry for not phrasing it properly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats ok, I knew what you meant. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been doing some thinking and I've realised I've realised that Im slightly more confident than I was a year ago but then I think, I still can't speak to girls. My problem is that I feel like I've got nothing to offer. When its not that, I don't want to risk looking silly because I never know what to say.

    I know I might have done something like this before and forgive me if this is repetitive but its just kind of been bugging me lately.

    Dude, I know exactly how you feel and still can't seem to shake it off. I'm very intimidated by girls and my insane lack of confidence has resulted in me having zero success with women despite being not far off 23 years old.

    I really wish I could talk to girls as well as I do to lads but I can't. I get on brilliantly talking to fellas but completely clam up when it comes to girls. I guess it's cause I look at them differently, I don't know.

    Gets me down though.

    In your case though, uni will help massively I imagine.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Girls aren't like aliens. You can just talk to them like you'd talk to anyone else.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lacy wrote: »
    Girls aren't like aliens. You can just talk to them like you'd talk to anyone else.

    Oh you can't. They have a wierd insane logic. :p Luckily I've got used to it growing up with 4 sisters. I find girls much easier to talk to than blokes tbh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh you can't. They have a wierd insane logic. :p Luckily I've got used to it growing up with 4 sisters. I find girls much easier to talk to than blokes tbh.

    Wish I did!

    To be fair, I get on really well and can talk to my best mates girlfriend really easily but other than that, I struggle like mad.

    The original poster will benefit from going to uni though which is good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BarmyArmy wrote: »
    The original poster will benefit from going to uni though which is good.

    Yeah probably. But incidentally, was I the only person who lived in a flat with boys and girls in the first year? Everyone else I know from other unis lived in single sex flats. I preferred having a couple of girls. Need someone to clean after all. :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers for the extra advice guy's. I kinda made this thread on an off day. but thanks for listening.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just talk to them... Women aren't that scary are they?

    Unless they're insanely hot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would say I have troubles talking to girls that I think are hot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not really. Tbh, I think a lot more about talking to girls I don't fancy when I first meet them, worrying that I'm gonna lead her on or something. With someone I kinda like, I can just let the conversation flow without worrying about how things are coming out. And the whole "is she interested" is just fun.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thats a good way to look at it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find it easier if the girl is someone I've known for ages or is taken. If I like her and she's not taken I get all awkward.

    Spose it's cause I feel inadequate and unworthy of their company I reckon.

    Good luck JohnnyBoy, hope you succeed and if you do, can you let me know how it's done:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would say I have troubles talking to girls that I think are hot.

    I'm the same. (with men though)
    I find it easier if the girl is someone I've known for ages or is taken. If I like her and she's not taken I get all awkward.

    I get this as well. I guess it's normal. However, I normally find that after a while (say 5-10 minutes) I am alright.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would say I have troubles talking to girls that I think are hot.

    get stoned.. s'what I used to do. You make less of a tit of yourself and if she thinks you're wierd, well next time tell her you were really tired... breaks the ice tho...

    Ok, maybe that isn't wise advice and I should take it down, condoning cannabis use. I used to smoke it for that reason though... Shyness.

    What I would like to know is why men do not feel they can talk to women... Discover the prblem then work on the solution. :)
  • smitherzsmitherz Converted to the darkside Posts: 968
    Namaste wrote: »
    get stoned.. s'what I used to do. You make less of a tit of yourself and if she thinks you're wierd, well next time tell her you were really tired... breaks the ice tho...

    Ok, maybe that isn't wise advice and I should take it down, condoning cannabis use. I used to smoke it for that reason though... Shyness.

    What I would like to know is why men do not feel they can talk to women... Discover the prblem then work on the solution. :)

    I couldn't smoke it for that reason. TBH if im stoned i struggle to conversate with people i don't know, a complete lack of conversation, might be down to the fact i get bad memory on it now :confused:

    *ahem* yea don't condone cannabis use
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    smitherz wrote: »
    I couldn't smoke it for that reason. TBH if im stoned i struggle to conversate with people i don't know, a complete lack of conversation, might be down to the fact i get bad memory on it now :confused:

    Being stoned makes me want to talk to friends I know, but it would make me not want to talk to strangers. I used to get really paranoid when I was stoned. I'm sure the woman in the Chinese used to know i was cained.

    :D
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