Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 01.12.25

Leyla · December 1

This is a space to chat or vent about things which you think may be more triggering for the Community but still want to get off your chest.

Every Monday morning we will close the thread and start a new one so we have a fresh one each week. If you'd like to check out this week's venting thread that isn't triggering, click here.

Leyla · December 1

From @Cutelivejazz before the last thread closed:
TW Body Dysmorphia:

I feel like shit. I hate my body and everything abt it i look at all the other girls and theyre so pretty and elegant and im jusy fucking not. I hate my body i keeo telling myself im gonna excerise i do it once or twice then give up or do extreme excersie sessions where my body cramps rly bad the day after and then i give up thinking that 1 excirase is gonna fix everything well its fycking not and in tires of hearing ppl say "oh but you shoud just love yourself 🤭🎀" well its easy for you to say when your not the one who is fucking disgusted by yourself

Cutelivejazz · December 1

Sorry abt the post

Nemuritai · December 1

Cutelivejazz wrote: »

Sorry abt the post

@Cutelivejazz there's no need to apologise for sharing, you're more than welcome to whenever you'd like and your feelings matter just as much as anyone else's. I must admit I'm not the best person to give any advice since I struggle to some degree with body dysmorphia as well, but I totally hear you, and I'm sorry you feel that way.

I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes it helps to remember that your personality or skills can be just as beautiful as physical appearance, if not more so. I've heard that it can be useful also to think about all the things the human body is able to do, like playing sports etc, to help take your mind off of worrying about looks or appearance. Like I said, I do understand that it's easier said than done, and I know comparison is really difficult, but I hope this could help even a little. Please take care of yourself, you really do deserve it

Nemuritai · December 1

I'm just feeling kind of overwhelmed lately because I've been trying to tell my parents about having suicidal thoughts but their reaction is always to minimise it and say I should 'just spend more time with them' even though that's pretty triggering to be honest and usually makes me feel a lot worse. I'm grateful I can share my feelings here - it's just hard since I wish my own parents would listen, but it seems they're not very good at acknowledging emotions. My family isn't the kind of family that ever really talks about emotions, which is hard when I just want to tell them how much I'm struggling. I don't usually feel like I'd ever act on those thoughts, but nonetheless it sucks them being there at all, and it can be overwhelming. I guess the evening is the worse time - it's also just a lot harder around Christmas and everything, since this is the season for fun and happy families, and I feel like my situation has been so different that it feels a bit alienating this time of year. I apologise for the long rant.

Verity · December 2

Hey @Nemuritai I hear you, it must be really difficult trying to communicate this and feeling like there is a barrier or misunderstanding, but it is great that you tried/are trying. Discussing emotions isn't always easy with everyone unfortunately, but it's really great to hear that you feel comfortable sharing your emotions here, you deserve to be heard and understood. I'm sorry to hear you feel alienated, that can't be a nice feeling for anyone especially at this time of the year. We will have Support and General chat's running throughout the christmas period and it would be great to see you there if you can.

Just so I understand better and please don't feel obliged to answer if you don't feel comfortable, woul you say you have these thoughts you mentioned often, or would you say it is more occasionally?

I hope you are feeling better since yesterday and remember to use the community for support, we are here to listen.

Nemuritai · December 2

Hey there @Verity, thank you for the reply. I really appreciate being heard. It's difficult to explain but I've had thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore since I was a lot younger, they've kind of been on and off though. Sometimes the thoughts aren't really there or just kind of in the background, but other times like recently they feel louder and more overwhelming. I don't really know why they're there exactly, I suppose things at home have been quite difficult in the past, though I'd rather not go into detail about that right now.

I would absolutely go to the support and general chats if it were possible, however due to having parental controls on my device I'm not able to. I will however try to use the support threads here when I can, and being able to chat on the boards has been so helpful as well.

Jack25 · December 5

Kooth called an ambulance because CMHT refused to contact them back, the ambulance contacted CMHT and the coordinator was rude she immediately said I’m reporting this. Somewhat glad to know it’s not just me thinking these people are rude to me. I’m going through such a rough period none of my coping skills are working. My social services referral has been escalated as a safeguarding concern due to my risk.

Lottie5433 · December 5

Just kinda struggling,
I just finished a 4hr drive and I’m shattered and exhausted to a point I want to cry and just yeah but I don’t want to seem rude to my boyfriend’s family that I’m with.
I’m sat in the lodge room on the verge of tears but I don’t want to cry or anything coz I don’t want them to hear.
Hit a mini crisis last night and missed my final counselling session with qwell so idk what to do really.
I’m just struggling and I know I likely will this whole week I’m off and away from work but I don’t want to tell anyone here with me.
Worst of all I wanted to wear a dress tomorrow for this meal we are having and I don’t think the body dysmorphia or eating disorder voice will allow me to

Verity · December 5

Hey @Nemuritai Thanks for sharing this, I really appreciate you being able to be so open, it takes a lot of strength. That is completely okay that you don't want to go into detail, you are sharing what you feel comfortable sharing and that's amazing.

@Jack25 I'm sorry to hear you had to deal with that Jack, it sounds incredibly stressful, especially when you're already going through so much. You deserve to be treated with respect, I'm glad the concerns were taken seriously, even if the process was difficult, please be gentle with yourself. You are not alone and I'm really glad you reached out and shared what's happening.

@Lottie5433 that sounds really tiring, doing a long drive whilst you are emotionally drained can take so much out of you. It makes complete sense that you would need quiet time to yourself, try to give yourself grace in moments like these, it sounds like you are doing the best you can in a tough situation and you would really benefit from some time to rest after a stressful day and from what you said, you were also struggling last night. I'm wondering if you have ay time coming up to take a proper breather?

Lottie5433 · December 5

Hi @Verity it is really tiring and has taken a lot out of me. Like I feel I have to mask in front of my boyfriend’s family because they don’t know exactly how much I struggle with my mental health.
Yeah I guess so, it was stressful at work because I just felt like I had to rush as we had to leave straight after I finished and like I had to go back to my department at work before I left because I left something up there, then had to take my dog to my mums and then stop off at a shop because I can’t do long drives without sugar or energy or something. It all seemed chaotic and with the weather as well it was just too much. Like when we arrived I shouted at my car because it was beeping due to my boyfriend not having his belt on, and then the beeping go louder which was too overstimulating so shouted at my boyfriend to put his belt on and I just felt awful for doing it.

I don’t have a lot of down time for myself till later before bed and I likely won’t sleep much. I just feel like crying still so yeah

I feel I’m not going to enjoy myself much but I guess that’s what I have to pay when I suffer with shocking mental health.

Sorry for the long message I know I didn’t need to write all this

Azziman · December 6

Hey @Lottie5433, thank you for sharing this - I can hear how you're feeling stressed at the moment. It sounds you've had to deal with a lot which can feel overwhelming, so your feelings are completely valid. Masking itself can be exhausting and difficult too. I'm sorry that you won't have much downtime or that you don't feel you'll sleep much - I imagine that will make things harder, and I hope you can get a little break soon to take a rest. For what it's worth, you don't deserve to suffer for having poorer mental wellbeing - you're doing your best to get through each day, and you deserve to be supported and have a break sometimes too. We're here to listen to you.

eylah · December 6

Jack25 wrote: »

Kooth called an ambulance because CMHT refused to contact them back, the ambulance contacted CMHT and the coordinator was rude she immediately said I’m reporting this. Somewhat glad to know it’s not just me thinking these people are rude to me. I’m going through such a rough period none of my coping skills are working. My social services referral has been escalated as a safeguarding concern due to my risk.

hey @Jack25 . hru today?

just wanted to remind you that. you matter. and that you have us here at the mix that care so much abt you. keep going jack bc you deserve a happy life.

Jack25 · December 6

Im doing so bad I can barely eat or drink (I think I’m actually losing weight now :<) everything triggers me now, seeing people happy laughing or in groups whether in person or on TV or doing anything I enjoyed now triggers me and sends me into distress and worry and my thoughts are so much worse now because I feel like I will never be the same. This has become a strong habit idk how to break it. Everything reminds me of how numb I feel and my physical issues since the antidepressant I just feel like it’s all permanent and I’ve ruined my life. I feel like I’ve forever lost myself and none of my coping skills can break this cycle of distress. I’m locked into it and can’t see a way out and can’t see life changing. If this one physical issue begins to improve I will probably calm down so much but it’s been almost 7 weeks and I’m still so worried about it not improving. i hate how distressed I can get it makes me want to scream I feel so scared and afraid. I have to see the guy the ambulance reported on Monday I’m so afraid. I feel for my safety I should cancel it, the ambulance crew had the speaker on and the things he said about me and to the ambulance crew is contributing to distress. Idk if I feel safe seeing him with my current headspace if that’s how he might treat me.it’s so hard if I get out of bed I have to face constant distress worry and thoughts and triggers which I can’t escape I’m struggling so much. I’ve paid for a private psychiatrist now I cba to wait I need guidance. I’m having so many intrusive thoughts telling me not to eat when I try and eat idk why I’m getting so many intrusive thoughts.

I’m trying to stay safe. Thank you for checking in, take care

sorry this is so long 😓

Sian321 · December 6

Hi @Jack25 , thank you so much for opening up about this. It sounds like things have been extremely difficult lately, and it can take huge courage to share. Can I check, you mentioned you're trying to stay safe. How able do you feel to keep yourself safe this evening?

And also, how able would you feel to dial for emergency services or journey to your nearest A&E if you did feel unable to keep safe?

Please know our Crisis Messenger service is here for you if you did wish for some more in-depth, 1:1 support this evening - text THEMIX to 85258.

We're sending you a lot of care @Jack25

Jack25 · December 6

I’m with my parents I should be fine I can go to a&e if needed thank you

Ech0 · December 6

@Jack25 I’m really sorry you’re going through something so intense right now. What you described sounds incredibly scary and draining, and it makes complete sense that you feel overwhelmed. Anyone dealing with that level of distress, physical symptoms, and intrusive thoughts would be struggling too.
It’s understandable that seeing people enjoying life or doing things you used to like is triggering. When you’re feeling numb, frightened, and disconnected, those moments can hit really hard. That doesn’t mean you’re going to feel this way forever, even though it feels permanent right now.
Reaching out for a private psychiatrist was a strong and caring step to take for yourself. You deserve proper support, and it’s okay that you didn’t want to wait any longer, that shows how you are trying to get the help you need.
It is completely valid to feel unsure or unsafe about your upcoming appointment. If it doesn’t feel right for you at the moment, given how you’re feeling, it’s more than okay to postpone or talk to someone you trust about other options. Your safety and sense of stability matter.

The intrusive thoughts around eating and the constant waves of distress sound incredibly painful. We are glad to hear you’re doing what you can to stay safe. If things get worse or you feel like you might act on those thoughts, please reach out to because you don’t have to carry this on your own.
And you don’t need to apologise for the length of your message at all because this space is for expressing how you feel and whatever is on your mind.
We’re here for you.

Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) w/c 01.12.25

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