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You also said that you feel really worried about yourself. Thank you for trusting us and sharing this. Can I ask, what do you feel most worried about right now? We're here, and we're listening.
Thank you for clarifying that you do not plan to act on your thoughts of suicide at the moment. Coping with intrusive thoughts sounds like it might feel really anxiety-inducing, and again, it's so positive you're putting this into words and reaching out for support. Can I ask, what is helping you to keep safe from listening to these intrusive thoughts? And have you ever received any support for them in the past?
How does that sound?
You're doing so well here to share, and your Community is here for you.
What you're going through at the moment seems really overwhelming. You are so strong.
You mention not knowing how to get better. It is completely valid to feel like you can't see a way out when you are in the dark. But I just want to say that you are such a valuable individual and that it can get better. Also I'm so sorry if i have missed it, but I was just wondering if you have reached out to any mental health services/professionals? Sometimes they can be a great help.
https://kellysheroes.org.uk/
These are normally pretty good they open at 6 pm till 10pm Monday to Friday and open on weekends 6pm till 11pm
https://www.myblackdog.co/
These are pretty good but only open Sunday to Wednesday 7pm till 10pm
https://knus.io/
This is a peer to peer support service, someone should set you up through a peer and chats are done through what's app
Shout is a text messaging service, open 24 hours but at night it takes a very long time to get through, text 85258
Phone service
Call 116 123
and has text service but it only works for some
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
@LolaPumpkin13 I'm really sorry about the slow replies. The community here isn't as active as it used to be for a fair few reasons, but you can still count on support from here, but it won't always be an instant reply.
I fully know what you mean about trying to chase basic support. I may have mentioned it before, but the UK ranks second lowest globally for mental health: https://www.medboundtimes.com/medbound-blog/uk-grapples-with-second-worst-ranking
It is legitimately an awful situation, when your trying your best to get support, but it seems like nobody is listening and your having to chase even the most basic help. I just want to clarify that the lack of support isn't on you, it's a systemic failure that is letting you down.
And i want to clarify, there is a world of a difference between thinking and doing. Thinking does not make you a bad person. You resisted those thoughts, never acted on them, tried to seek support and that shows how much you were trying and doing your best.
This perhaps isn't my place to say, and i could be entirely wrong here, and please correct me if this sounds wrong, but it almost sounds like a case of mentally self sabotaging, where you have a good relationship, and then fears and anxieties and thoughts overwhelm you to the point of breaking up. I think it can almost be called subconscious self sabotage, and that's something that you really do deserve support with. It's not that your a bad person.