Breakup

shannon_164 · October 21

that sounds really difficult @LolaPumpkin13 - i’m wondering if you’ve ever found anything that’s been helpful in the past?

we’re all here for you and we’re all so proud of you

LolaPumpkin13 · October 21

Nothing even my mental health broke down after moving back into a flat after living in hotels after having a house fire and when I moved in here everything changed and I was speaking to shout about things but I don’t know how that helps when my relationship ended

LolaPumpkin13 · October 21

I’ve had so many times where I just get so angry that I just think I give up and I think I’m just going to go out but then I think that wasn’t me and think of the person I was

LolaPumpkin13 · October 21

I’m just trying to be better for myself and the next person but I can’t take being on my own anymore

Katie · October 22

Hey @LolaPumpkin13 I'm hearing that you're worried about the future and you've been losing interest in your current job. Breakups can have a huge impact on all aspects of our lives and there isn't a specific time period where you should be over it. It's so important you take as much time as you need to process what has happened and to wrap your head around what your life now looks like. Be gentle with yourself Lola.

I'm hearing that you're not doing okay and you're also not sure on how to get better. It's okay not to know, and we're here to support you through this. So that we can best support you, do you feel comfortable sharing what you've tried so far to feel better?

I'm mindful our Community has shared a few different organisations with you - have you found any of these helpful?

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

I’ve gone to the doctors I’ve gone to Otr I’ve to go mind I’ve gone to Samaritans I’ve spoken to shout

Katie · October 22

Hey @LolaPumpkin13 thank you for sharing a little more. It sounds like you've tried quite a few options. How did you find them? Were any more helpful than the others?

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

Just not really just distractions

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

I don’t want to be here anymore

shannon_164 · October 22

hey @LolaPumpkin13 🙂

i’m really sorry you’re feeling so low at the moment. i know it’s a hard question to be asked but we care about you a lot here - are you currently safe?

if you need extra support here are some options, as well as the support chat running tonight from 8pm-9:30pm.

if you’re feeling unsafe pls reach out for immediate support from the following:
nhs 111 - england / scotland / wales (option 2 for mental health)

phone first - northern ireland (8am-6pm monday-friday; the number will vary depending on the health & social care trust area that you live in)

out of hours - northern ireland (6pm-7:30am monday-friday, 24/7 weekends; the number will vary depending on the health & social care trust area that you live in)

999 - england / scotland / wales / northern ireland

uk helplines - some of these are specific to england / scotland / wales / northern ireland & also depend on age too:
childline (24/7) - call 08001111

shout (24/7) - text ‘shout’ to 85258

hopeline (24/7) - text 88247

samaritans (24/7) - call 116123

lifeline (24/7) - call 08088088000

papyrus (24/7) - call 08000684141

inspire wellbeing (24/7) - call 08081890036

community advice and listening line (24/7) - call 0800132737

knus (24/7) - whatsapp 07700165687

mind (9am-6pm) - call 03001233393

rethink mental illness (9:30am-4pm) - call 03005000927

kooth (12pm-10pm) - webchat on website

saneline (4pm-10pm) - call 03003047000

calm (5pm-12am) - call 0800585858

suicide prevention uk (6pm-12am) - call 08005870800

sos (8pm-12am) - call 08001151505

we’re all here for you

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

I’m just really scared I’m home but I don’t feel safe living with my mum

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

And I’m scared I’m turning into her

shannon_164 · October 22

that sounds really difficult to experience @LolaPumpkin13 - i wonder what makes living with your mum feel unsafe? there’s no pressure to share anything that you don’t feel comfy sharing but i’m here if you want to talk about it more! have you got anybody that you can tell that you don’t feel safe living with your mum? you deserve support

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

She can be alright to live with sometimes but once she gets in a mood I get on edge and she has gone for me in the past when I was with ex I could get away from it

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

I just want to stop feeling like this

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

@shannon_164 could you please help me

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

I’m absolutely terrified

shannon_164 · October 22

hey @LolaPumpkin13 - how are you feeling?

i can understand a little of finding it ok living with your mum but when she gets in a mood it becomes more difficult from my own experience. have you ever been able to tell anyone about the past and how she has gone for you? you don’t deserve to experience that

shannon_164 · October 22

LolaPumpkin13 wrote: »

I’m absolutely terrified

i’m here for you

Nathan · October 22

LolaPumpkin13 wrote: »

She can be alright to live with sometimes but once she gets in a mood I get on edge and she has gone for me in the past when I was with ex I could get away from it

@LolaPumpkin13 hey, sorry it's been a while since i posted on this thread. I just wanted to say that you absolutely do not deserve ever to have your mum go for you at all. Home should always be a safe place, and that, on top of what your already struggling with would overwhelm anybody. You shouldn't have to live on eggshells all the time, worrying when your mum's next mood will be.

What i can say is that if you ever feel in danger or anything, then the best thing to do is head to your local council, talk to them about things, and they'll be able to find you somewhere else to live instead. You shouldn't have to live like that at all.

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

My clinical psychologist wants me to move out and because I have diabetes but he wanted me to get my money from universal credit as it got stopped it and my mum didn’t understand and my grandad did it when I first got diagnosed with my type 1 diabetes but unfortunately he passed away but I got it sorted but the things my mum has done a lot for me but she just puts me on edge and my clinical psychologist doesn’t think being home isn’t best for my mental health but it is all I knew and they are all I have

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

I remember I was getting ready to go out to see my ex boyfriend and she and my sister got back from work and she said you’re going out again and I said Yh and she said you’re always going out I left and I had a message from my mum saying my ex wasn’t allowed to stay over and I got where my ex lived he came and got me from the bus stop and I just cried in his arms and told me she went for me before told him the story and we went back to his and I cried more and i remember being in the kitchen sat down and he was next to me and I just cried more and he got me a tissue and then we had to leave because he was going to work but i remember crying as we was leaving his dad was cleaning his car and seen me and then once he went to work I was terrified of going back home so I told my dad and went to his and told mum went for me in the past and just cried and he gave me a hug and then when my ex finished I went back to see him and I spent some time with him and his family and then his mum dropped me back home which I was terrified but once I got back I was relieved as she wasn’t home but work but i tried going to sleep so she couldn’t hurt me but when she got back she just asked me if i was home and that’s just went to bed but i have lost that safety because I couldn’t take the thoughts anymore but I want out of here

Nathan · October 22

LolaPumpkin13 wrote: »

My clinical psychologist wants me to move out and because I have diabetes but he wanted me to get my money from universal credit as it got stopped it and my mum didn’t understand and my grandad did it when I first got diagnosed with my type 1 diabetes but unfortunately he passed away but I got it sorted but the things my mum has done a lot for me but she just puts me on edge and my clinical psychologist doesn’t think being home isn’t best for my mental health but it is all I knew and they are all I have

@LolaPumpkin13 I fully get how scary it is, when it's all you've known, but it's also important by the sounds of it for you're mental wellbeing. Being on edge, on eggshells all the time, worried for the next time your mum is in a mood isn't a good way to be living. If even your clinical psychologist has said it's not good for your mental health, then its definitely worth looking into. You may even be able to get some support from a social worker with moving out from that situation. Also, if your medical condition is impacting your ability to work, then you might be able to get PIP as well, or at least further support with universal credit. Your clinical psychologist may even be able to provide a supporting statement for it.

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

Even when I was living in a hotel room by myself I was happier because I wasn’t dealing with her moaning I love my mum of course but the way she behaves scares me especially when I don’t have my ex to run too anymore and when it gets like this I miss him even more

Nathan · October 22

LolaPumpkin13 wrote: »

I remember I was getting ready to go out to see my ex boyfriend and she and my sister got back from work and she said you’re going out again and I said Yh and she said you’re always going out I left and I had a message from my mum saying my ex wasn’t allowed to stay over and I got where my ex lived he came and got me from the bus stop and I just cried in his arms and told me she went for me before told him the story and we went back to his and I cried more and i remember being in the kitchen sat down and he was next to me and I just cried more and he got me a tissue and then we had to leave because he was going to work but i remember crying as we was leaving his dad was cleaning his car and seen me and then once he went to work I was terrified of going back home so I told my dad and went to his and told mum went for me in the past and just cried and he gave me a hug and then when my ex finished I went back to see him and I spent some time with him and his family and then his mum dropped me back home which I was terrified but once I got back I was relieved as she wasn’t home but work but i tried going to sleep so she couldn’t hurt me but when she got back she just asked me if i was home and that’s just went to bed but i have lost that safety because I couldn’t take the thoughts anymore but I want out of here

@LolaPumpkin13 i can really see how much of a rock your ex was to you, but please also remember that you did try to get help with those thoughts which lead to your breaking up, and you did reach out for help. It's not your fault. I wish i had some more advice to help with the grief of losing that support, but i don't really have much advice, as i'm clueless about relationships.

Also, i looked at the helplines recommended earlier, and could i personally recommended an additional support line that helped me when i reached a low point. It's called Kelly's heroes, and they usually open at about 6pm. Having tried that support line myself, i really consider that one the best out of all of them, so it's worth looking at when there open.

Nathan · October 22

LolaPumpkin13 wrote: »

Even when I was living in a hotel room by myself I was happier because I wasn’t dealing with her moaning I love my mum of course but the way she behaves scares me especially when I don’t have my ex to run too anymore and when it gets like this I miss him even more

@LolaPumpkin13 it really does sound demoralising day after day dealing with that. As i say, if you can, try and follow the clinical psychologists advice to maybe try and start working towards moving out if you can, as scary as it is. It's true you don't have that support from your ex anymore, but that doesn't mean you should be stuck facing that sort of situation at home day after day, making things worse for your mental health.

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

Maybe but the thought of doing everything on my own the bills just makes me stressed and I just don’t want to do it just makes me suicidal

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

All my ex gets called a idoit and all thing and that he didn’t deserve but no one knows the full story and it had just made me angry and I’m scared he did a lot for me but I just completely switched as soon as I got here in the new flat

LolaPumpkin13 · October 22

I am angry because I’ve been left to deal with it but I don’t appreciate my family saying that

LolaPumpkin13 · 12:06AM

I’m actually terrified I just want someone to help me

Breakup

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