Home Health & Wellbeing
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. For Crisis Support (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Want to share your experience of using our Community?

We're collecting Community Case Studies which could be used on our website, on social media, shared with our volunteers, or shared with third parties who may be interested to hear how online communities help people.

Click here to fill out our anonymous form

Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? w/c 15.09.25

2»

Comments

  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    @DonnerKebab that's fine. You okay?
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    edited September 15
    @DonnerKebab feeling a bit overwhelmed atm just trying to escape into my book but its not rly working again sorry if im bothering you
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 2,025 Boards Champion
    Leyla wrote: »
    [From @Cutelivejazz on the previous thread just before it closed]

    @DonnerKebab I was really tired last night so I didnt get a chance to talk abt it. I feel invisible like people just dont notice my existence like I dont matter and I just kinda feel like a ghost basically drifting through life like Im either emotionally numb and cant feel anything or im feeling everything all at once. I hate feeling like no one ever notices me like im disposable or forgettable. Also Im pretty pissed at my friend and I was upset abt it and texted my bestie to tell her and she was like oh im so sorry that happened cba to explain what happend so ill just copy paste the text I sent her bc im lazy lol.

    Basically she texted me saying we need to talk and when we were at the school gate she said I was too negative and that I was venting too much and if I really need someone to talk to that bad that I should talk to a therapist (i was telling her abt her friend and I was just whining abt one of the teachers its not like i was telling her all my trauma) and she also said are personalities aren't rly a good match cus I care abt school and she said she doesn't she's annoyed bc I dont mess around with her during study periods I actually study and idk it was just rly hurtful but im glad she told me tho. Sry if some of it doesn't make sense I had to change for anonymity purposes. I rly dont wanna go to school today I just wanna stay at home and sleep and curl up and cry and eat snacks but that unfortunately isn't an option bc I have to be a functioning human being yay. Im gonna fcking kms. But yeah im fine totally dont wanna punch a punching until my knuckles bleed (surprisingly cathartic). Im fine ive delt with worse and I know i have to be stubborn and get thru this bc I cant stop to rest but its fine. Can't wait until A levels are over so I can get out of this hell hole. So now during breaks lunches and study periods im alone and idk that might be a good thing and everyone keeps telling me it's an opportunity to focus on my work but what do I do when I need support who do I go to? My non existent friends? My bestie that cant rly do anything bc we rarely can see eachother? My teachers who dont understand? The pastoral staff who are alright but incompetent are kinda terrifying? Like what do I do? Everyone's like oh your not alone there are people you can talk to but there aren't. The country is in a mental health crisis mental health websites and companies are so overloaded and im just another weight and a another burden to the system. Sometimes i feel like just a number to them just another patient to talk to and get over with. I was asked if I wanted to do counselling and realised it was my old counsellor she was awful I hated it literally begged the school to let me stop it (bc it was in school counselling) but they kept forcing me to go into eventually wore them down and they let me stop the sessions which was fucking traumatic (idk if im allowed to say that was traumatising sorry if im not). I also keep getting told to stop constantly apologising cus it makes me seem weak. I cant help it tho like im the kind of person who flinches if anyone raises their voice so if I feel like someone's mad at me I get really really scared and keep apologising in the hope that maybe they'll get less mad and I genuinely cant explain the panic and fear I experience when I think someone's mad at me especially if im already overwhelmed. But im fine everything all perfect and amazing (im being sarcastic if you cant tell). Anway sorry fir the huge rant im just rapidly losing the fucking will to live.

    @Cutelivejazz I just want to say that the feeling you have of not mattering is deceiving, because you do matter. To everybody on here you matter. And if your so called "friends" and people around you can't see that, then it's there loss, not yours. You are not disposable or forgettable at all.

    Now about your friend. As i said before, they didn't sound like a friend, and this just goes to show they aren't a friend at all. There's no such thing as too much venting, or being too negative when talking about things that are making you feel negative. Friends are there to support one another and to lean on during the hard times and vice versa. That's what true friendships are made of. If your "friend" doesn't want to be there for you whilst you need support, then that was never a friend to begin with and you are far better off without her. I mean, how can she complain that your "to negative", when she is friends with somebody who told you that awful thing a while back. And also, a friend wants another friend to succeed, and to do their best. That your "friend" was acting as though your studies and hard work is something bad that they are annoyed with is crazy. That isn't the kind of person you want to surround yourself with at all if you want to succeed. But at least you now know for certain. It's better to draw a line under it now, cut them off, and be done with them. You don't need people like that dragging you down.

    And for what it's worth, you are entirely right about mental health support. I was denied any until i mentally broke in university, despite everything i suffered through. Even today with the mental safe haven i went to, it was just insane. The waiting lists for mental health support are long, and here's a little study that shows just how bad it really is: https://www.medboundtimes.com/medbound-blog/uk-grapples-with-second-worst-ranking

    And your always allowed to use the word traumatic. If it traumatised you, then it is traumatic. And being forced to do counselling is not how counselling should ever work. It helps neither you or waitlists by forcing you into it, when you don't get on with your school counsellor and you don't want to do it with them. Nothing good comes out of it. Can i ask, the Mix has a counselling service that you could maybe access on a school computer. Just webchat based stuff, and i'm sure the mix could maybe help out in that regard. I think we spoke a bit about it a few weeks back but i forgot why you couldn't.

    But either way, at least there is always this one little corner of the internet for you on the mix, where you can vent, and get listened to for as long as you need, no matter what. There is no such thing here as too much venting or being too negative at all here. And here's a positive thing. When your A-levels are done, then you'll be able to go to university, and have access to an abundance of mental health support. I'm talking classes in the same building as the therapy services and counselling services, so it just looks like your going to class when accessing counselling and therapy. Everything is completely locked to your university account as well, so nobody else can see it bar you. It really makes the world of a difference and i think it could really help you.

    And i completely understand with the repeated apologising. I won't tell you to stop in future if it makes you more comfortable, but i just want to reassure you that you haven't done anything wrong at all. I have a bad habit of it too, especially in person. This might not mean a lot, but I did some research as to why i can't stop saying it about a year ago, and it's suggested that it's a sign of low self esteem and self doubt, and anxiety, especially social anxiety. So it isn't just weakness or even a choice really. It's caused by genuine mental health conditions, and is nothing to be ashamed of.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 2,025 Boards Champion
    @DonnerKebab that's fine. You okay?

    @Cutelivejazz yeah, still surviving day by day thankfully. Sometimes that's all that can be done until better times come along.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 2,025 Boards Champion
    @DonnerKebab feeling a bit overwhelmed atm just trying to escape into my book but its not rly working again sorry if im bothering you

    @Cutelivejazz don't worry, your not bothering anyone. I'm just slow with my replies.
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    edited 12:05AM
    @DonnerKebab thanks my book is so sad it was talking about how fate and time fell in love and the stars were worried that fate and time would get broken hearts so they went to the wise owls and the wise owls peck at fate and killed her but a small mouse saved her heart so from time to time she can pull herself together and reunite with time and he waits for her like that's so sad I was literally reading the book crying like that's so sad.
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    edited 12:04AM
    @DonnerKebab ik it was rly random but yeah welcome to my world. Abt the whole friend thing ig your right it's is for the better bc she won't be pulling me down but tbh I was like oh ill make new friends and things will be so much better and I'll find a study buddy. Yeah no none of that happened so it kinda feels like my dreams were crushed
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 2,025 Boards Champion
    edited 12:08AM
    @DonnerKebab thanks my book is so sad it was talking about how fate and time fell in love and the stars were worried that fate and time would get broken hearts so they went to the wise owls and the wise owls peck at fate and killed her but a small mouse saved her heart so from time to time she can pull herself together and reunite with time and he wants for her like that's so sad I was literally reading the book crying like that's so sad.

    @Cutelivejazz that really sounds like a heart breaking story. My kind of book is a bit different, but i need to start getting into those sorts of books. What's it called? I'm still going through my book voucher bought sharpe books - Sharpe's tiger, Sharpe's triumph, Sharpe's fortress, currently on Sharpe's Trafalgar, and Sharpe's eagle atm, but once i've finished, i want to give it a read.
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    @DonnerKebab it's a fantasy book it's basically about the Starless Sea where all books a preserved it's really good id 100% recommend it the author is so good her name is Erin Morganstern she is such an amazing author like the way she writes is so captivating but she only has 2 books this one The Starless Sea and then another one The Night Circus
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    @DonnerKebab ive got that awful feeling again where I feel like i cant breathe and im drowning which is just so fun I feel like there's this tightness around my chest and it's making it hard to breathe even tho im breathing fine
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 2,025 Boards Champion
    @DonnerKebab ik it was rly random but yeah welcome to my world. Abt the whole friend thing ig your right it's is for the better bc she won't be pulling me down but tbh I was like oh ill make new friends and things will be so much better and I'll find a study buddy. Yeah no none of that happened so it kinda feels like my dreams were crushed

    @Cutelivejazz that does sound pretty crushing, but it is important to be able to possibly handle things solo in future from time to time. And also remember that it is still very early in the year. There is still group projects i'm guessing later down the line, randomly selected teamwork group tasks, and many future chances to make new friends down the line, even if things aren't so great on that front right now. So don't give up hope just yet. You have to hold on to hope until that better time. That dream isn't over until you say it is.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 2,025 Boards Champion
    @DonnerKebab it's a fantasy book it's basically about the Starless Sea where all books a preserved it's really good id 100% recommend it the author is so good her name is Erin Morganstern she is such an amazing author like the way she writes is so captivating but she only has 2 books this one The Starless Sea and then another one The Night Circus

    @Cutelivejazz Quality over quantity always makes the best authors. I'll add her books to my read list. Thanks for the recommendations.
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    @DonnerKebab im kinda anxious to fall asleep bc if I fall asleep it will be tmr and I'll have to go to school and I dont want to go to school. Don't get me wrong I'm really enjoying my lessons like we have a practical for physics tmr which im super excited abt but like the workload is huge like I read thru the tips you mentioned like the pomodoro technique and ive tried it before but it didnt really work out for me sometimes my brain is just so overstimulated and so overloaded and overwhelmed I cant rly focus
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 2,025 Boards Champion
    @DonnerKebab ive got that awful feeling again where I feel like i cant breathe and im drowning which is just so fun I feel like there's this tightness around my chest and it's making it hard to breathe even tho im breathing fine

    @Cutelivejazz there isn't much i can say that might make this better for you, but i want you to know that this moment, though extremely difficult for you, is temporary and will pass in time. Anxiety has a way of impacting us physically and is always a struggle to overcome. You've managed it before, and your doing incredibly well handling it again. You are safe right now, you are among friends, take as long as you need.
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    edited 12:27AM
    @DonnerKebab this might sound weird but like sometimes I miss my maths teacher. Like yeah he was a messed up person but he was also a trusted adult maybe not the best place to put my trust but he did a lot to help me and I think if it weren't for him my mental health would be a lot worse than it is now. All that being said he is a disgusting person and the lowest of the low but I miss th version of him I knew and saw. Lately ive been having the nightmares abt him again. Idk I just wish I had the support he used to give idk is that messed up?
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    edited 12:31AM
    @DonnerKebab i feel awful like that sense of impending doom awful bc it just hit me i have 2 years i have 4 subjects (well ones potentially just an AS level) I cant get anything below a B in any of them im already behind its been a week im already struggling how am I going to get thru 2 years how I am gonna stay on top of everything I have a plan and everything but what do I do if I physically cant follow it what do I do when my body and brain just completly shut down. Im so screwed. Im spiraling.
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 2,025 Boards Champion
    @DonnerKebab im kinda anxious to fall asleep bc if I fall asleep it will be tmr and I'll have to go to school and I dont want to go to school. Don't get me wrong I'm really enjoying my lessons like we have a practical for physics tmr which im super excited abt but like the workload is huge like I read thru the tips you mentioned like the pomodoro technique and ive tried it before but it didnt really work out for me sometimes my brain is just so overstimulated and so overloaded and overwhelmed I cant rly focus

    @Cutelivejazz That's okay, it's understandable given how much there is going on for you, from more work being given, to being alone at times without your best friend there, to the staff generally not being supportive. It's understandable being hesitant to want to wake up tomorrow and go. The important thing to remember though is that things won't stay this way forever.

    Now about the pomodoro technique, that's okay if it didn't work. It doesn't work for everybody, and there's plenty of other strategies that we can try. If you give me a day, i'll be able to find a few other strategies that might be worth a try. Given how overstimulated you are, how much you struggle to focus on this sort of stuff, how practical's in physics aren't a difficulty but things like homework and coursework is, it does hint at possibly having hyperactivity challenges. So, it definitely is worth just talking to a professional about it if your able to, or even just your pastoral teacher, just to be on the safe side, and to get the support that you deserve.
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    @DonnerKebab it's not always ike that sometimes my brain gets overwhelmed and clocks out and it's annoying as hell like that smallest thing can happen and my brain is like screw this and shuts down thats basically when I start disassociating or feeling dizzy (it happened today in maths bc i got the answer to a simple question wrong infront of the whole class and felt stupid and had a whole spiral over it)
  • CutelivejazzCutelivejazz Posts: 158 Helping Hand
    @DonnerKebab im just going to head to bed bc if I stay up I'll be exhausted in the morning and thats that last thing I need. Good night. If you want to say anything please do I'll read/respond to it in the morning
  • DonnerKebabDonnerKebab Posts: 2,025 Boards Champion
    edited 1:02AM
    @DonnerKebab this might sound weird but like sometimes I miss my maths teacher. Like yeah he was a messed up person but he was also a trusted adult maybe not the best place to put my trust but he did a lot to help me and I think if it weren't for him my mental health would be a lot worse than it is now. All that being said he is a disgusting person and the lowest of the low but I miss th version of him I knew and saw. Lately ive been having the nightmares abt him again. Idk I just wish I had the support he used to give idk is that messed up?

    @Cutelivejazz it's understandable feeling that way. The version of him you knew, who helped you through the hard times, who meant such a lot to you, who was real to you, is hard to reconcile with the version of him he truly was beneath the surface. It is not messed up of you to want that kind of support you used to have, and to want that version of him who you thought he was, present but knowing what we know now, there's a whole other side to him that was truly monsterous, and he simply isn't safe to be around. Longing for a safe person and safe place, and a support system, when you don't really have any anymore is normal and not messed up. It just can't be that math teacher knowing what we know now. You're sixth form should be providing at least some kind of support staff who you can go to for that all.
Sign In or Register to comment.