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Therapy cant fix me, i am fucked
bignosegirly0
Posts: 329 The Mix Regular
I was planning on deleting my whole account, but i wanted to make one more post before i leave.
Either my current therapist is fucking useless, or im unfixable. No fucking solutions is ever fucking offered. All we do is fucking chat for 50 minutes and I pay for another session.
Dont get me wrong, it's nice to vent to someone. but I'm paying to be fixed. A part of me fears that there is no solution for me, and I'm fucked.
These are my main issues which I deal with on a daily basis:
•mourning over the fact I'll never experience love because of my appearance, based on several experiences from childhood to adulthood, and my current workplace which reminds me of how undesirable I am in the real world.
•mourning over the fact that I'll never have worth due to my looks, again, based on several experiences and psychological studies proving how pretty privilege can massively impact someone's life and worth positively.
I've been jobsearching since last summer and got no luck, and my therapist even states that "I must feel trapped".
I fear that the reality is that I can't be fixed. There is no hope for me, and I've wasted so much money over nothing.
Either my current therapist is fucking useless, or im unfixable. No fucking solutions is ever fucking offered. All we do is fucking chat for 50 minutes and I pay for another session.
Dont get me wrong, it's nice to vent to someone. but I'm paying to be fixed. A part of me fears that there is no solution for me, and I'm fucked.
These are my main issues which I deal with on a daily basis:
•mourning over the fact I'll never experience love because of my appearance, based on several experiences from childhood to adulthood, and my current workplace which reminds me of how undesirable I am in the real world.
•mourning over the fact that I'll never have worth due to my looks, again, based on several experiences and psychological studies proving how pretty privilege can massively impact someone's life and worth positively.
I've been jobsearching since last summer and got no luck, and my therapist even states that "I must feel trapped".
I fear that the reality is that I can't be fixed. There is no hope for me, and I've wasted so much money over nothing.
4
Comments
I want to be okay with never finding love or having worth based on my looks.
I want to be bulletproof when men drag me down for my appearance.
Because it will never go away, so the best thing to do is to no longer be bothered with it.
I may go for a different therapist. The only issue is that she’s the cheapest one, and the rest are £50-£70, and I’m already spending £50 on driving lessons. Still, it is something I may consider.
I'm hearing that whilst having a space to vent about your life may help alleviate some of your emotions, what you're actually looking for is practical support and tools to help you cope. You've done really well to identify what your needs are and how they're not being met. I wonder if you would feel comfortable speaking to your therapist about how you're finding the sessions?
It also sounds like changing your therapist could be an option but it may cost you more, which definitely isn't ideal. How long have you been going to your current therapist if you feel comfy sharing? I'm also wondering if you've had these feelings about the therapy from the start or if you've only recently started feeling like your needs aren't being met?
Based on what you've shared here, I wonder if you've tried out The NHS' self-help guide to building self esteem using cognitive behavioural based techniques. It's a booklet which can be accessed online or printed off. It explains how low self-esteem can affect people, how it develops, and what keeps it going. Practical self-help methods for overcoming low self-esteem are introduced in the booklet so you can learn to use them yourself, and there are different activities for you to have a go at. Do you think this would be useful for you? If so, here's the link to access the booklet: https://www.hpft-talkingtherapies.nhs.uk/sites/default/files/2020-12/Low Self-esteem.pdf
I'll also pop some organisations down below which offer practical help for mental health support:
Body & Soul have a service called MindSET where they offer free online mental health support delivered by therapists and young people through science, creativity and community. They have free, live, online sessions, videos, animations and podcasts. MindSET delivers effective, concrete skills to help young people manage emotional distress, which are also useful for those at risk of self-harm and suicide. Their therapeutic team will help you to reduce and manage emotional distress and prevent harmful behaviours. To register to the live streams head to http://bodyandsoulcharity.org/sharethelove/ You can also contact them at 020 7923 6880 or email enquiries@bodyandsoulcharity.org
My Possible Self is a mental health app that helps you to take control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. This includes managing stress, anxiety and depression. It has been designed by professionals using CBT techniques that have been approved by the NHS. It is available for free from https://www.mypossibleself.com/ or from the Apple and Android app stores.
For context, I had a panic attack at work today and disrupted my shift when my coworkers needed me the most. I tried mindfulness like breathing slowly and naming what’s around me, but it didn’t work. So I will ask her for a different technique.
I’ve been seeing her since July. I knew things weren’t going to be fixed straight away. I knew we would have sessions where I need to explain EVERYTHING and what’s wrong with me, in order for her to decide what’s best with me. But it feels like every lesson is just us chatting and that’s it. I enjoy venting and going in deeply, but I wish there was more solutions.
I’ll give the booklet a try, thank you.
I'll also pop some free apps down below which can help support you in the moment when you're experiencing anxiety and panic attacks:
Sorted: Mental Health (previously known as Feeling Good) is an app that has a range of audio programmes designed to increase your wellbeing and resilience to stress. The NHS approved app incorporates breathing, positive reappraisal and visualisation techniques to help you manage the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety. To find out more you can visit https://www.feelinggood.app/ or download the app from the Apple or Android app stores
My Possible Self is a mental health app that helps you to take control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. This includes managing stress, anxiety and depression. It has been designed by professionals using CBT techniques that have been approved by the NHS. It is available for free from https://www.mypossibleself.com/ or from the Apple and Android app stores.
I wonder if you feel like you've made any progress with your therapy from the sessions where you do vent to her and explain everything or do you still feel how you did in July?
Because of the school holidays, my workplace has been packed with families and massive groups visiting our place, making everything hectic and due to the swiftness and high stress, that’s what triggered my panic attack. In addition to worrying about what type of customers I would have to encounter.
I don’t think I made any progress. Most of the time, it’s just us talking, and it makes me feel like I have no hope
Also, thank you for the recommendations 🫶