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Therapy cant fix me, i am fucked

bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 328 The Mix Regular
edited August 8 in Health & Wellbeing
I was planning on deleting my whole account, but i wanted to make one more post before i leave.

Either my current therapist is fucking useless, or im unfixable. No fucking solutions is ever fucking offered. All we do is fucking chat for 50 minutes and I pay for another session.

Dont get me wrong, it's nice to vent to someone. but I'm paying to be fixed. A part of me fears that there is no solution for me, and I'm fucked.

These are my main issues which I deal with on a daily basis:

•mourning over the fact I'll never experience love because of my appearance, based on several experiences from childhood to adulthood, and my current workplace which reminds me of how undesirable I am in the real world.

•mourning over the fact that I'll never have worth due to my looks, again, based on several experiences and psychological studies proving how pretty privilege can massively impact someone's life and worth positively.

I've been jobsearching since last summer and got no luck, and my therapist even states that "I must feel trapped".

I fear that the reality is that I can't be fixed. There is no hope for me, and I've wasted so much money over nothing.

Comments

  • AzzimanAzziman Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 2,352 Boards Champion
    Hi @bignosegirly0, thank you for sharing how you feel with us. I can hear your frustration with the therapist, and that you're not getting the outcomes you were looking for. How do you feel your therapist could be supporting you better when it comes to solutions - for example, are you looking for practical solutions that you can do right now? If you're not happy with your current therapist, would you consider looking for a different one to see if they can support you better? We're here to listen to you.
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  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 328 The Mix Regular
    edited August 10
    @Azziman I would like to come up with ways to cope with these depressing parts of my life by no longer letting it affect me emotionally.

    I want to be okay with never finding love or having worth based on my looks.

    I want to be bulletproof when men drag me down for my appearance.

    Because it will never go away, so the best thing to do is to no longer be bothered with it.


    I may go for a different therapist. The only issue is that she’s the cheapest one, and the rest are £50-£70, and I’m already spending £50 on driving lessons. Still, it is something I may consider.
  • KatieKatie Community Manager Posts: 1,214 Wise Owl
    Hey @bignosegirly0

    I'm hearing that whilst having a space to vent about your life may help alleviate some of your emotions, what you're actually looking for is practical support and tools to help you cope. You've done really well to identify what your needs are and how they're not being met. I wonder if you would feel comfortable speaking to your therapist about how you're finding the sessions?

    It also sounds like changing your therapist could be an option but it may cost you more, which definitely isn't ideal. How long have you been going to your current therapist if you feel comfy sharing? I'm also wondering if you've had these feelings about the therapy from the start or if you've only recently started feeling like your needs aren't being met?

    Based on what you've shared here, I wonder if you've tried out The NHS' self-help guide to building self esteem using cognitive behavioural based techniques. It's a booklet which can be accessed online or printed off. It explains how low self-esteem can affect people, how it develops, and what keeps it going. Practical self-help methods for overcoming low self-esteem are introduced in the booklet so you can learn to use them yourself, and there are different activities for you to have a go at. Do you think this would be useful for you? If so, here's the link to access the booklet: https://www.hpft-talkingtherapies.nhs.uk/sites/default/files/2020-12/Low Self-esteem.pdf

    I'll also pop some organisations down below which offer practical help for mental health support:
    The Mental Health Foundation provides a guide to mental health, current issues, and treatment options as well as tips on how you can look after your mental health. Their website is www.mentalhealth.org.uk

    Body & Soul have a service called MindSET where they offer free online mental health support delivered by therapists and young people through science, creativity and community. They have free, live, online sessions, videos, animations and podcasts. MindSET delivers effective, concrete skills to help young people manage emotional distress, which are also useful for those at risk of self-harm and suicide. Their therapeutic team will help you to reduce and manage emotional distress and prevent harmful behaviours. To register to the live streams head to http://bodyandsoulcharity.org/sharethelove/ You can also contact them at 020 7923 6880 or email enquiries@bodyandsoulcharity.org

    My Possible Self is a mental health app that helps you to take control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. This includes managing stress, anxiety and depression. It has been designed by professionals using CBT techniques that have been approved by the NHS. It is available for free from https://www.mypossibleself.com/ or from the Apple and Android app stores.
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 328 The Mix Regular
    @Katie i may bring this up with her, but I will have to discuss other important things first.

    For context, I had a panic attack at work today and disrupted my shift when my coworkers needed me the most. I tried mindfulness like breathing slowly and naming what’s around me, but it didn’t work. So I will ask her for a different technique.

    I’ve been seeing her since July. I knew things weren’t going to be fixed straight away. I knew we would have sessions where I need to explain EVERYTHING and what’s wrong with me, in order for her to decide what’s best with me. But it feels like every lesson is just us chatting and that’s it. I enjoy venting and going in deeply, but I wish there was more solutions.

    I’ll give the booklet a try, thank you.
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