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Rant (TW- one mention of suicide

AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
in Health & Wellbeing
I know everyone is only trying to support me but that isn't going to solve anything and I truly don't need it. I have tried getting help already but as everyone here already knows, the system is ridiculous and it failed me just like how it has for many other people.

TW- mention of suicide
it took me 6 attempts before i was even accepted into a service.i tried saying i needed help but they said i seemed perfectly fine and so you know i just thought whats the point so i made my first attempt which failed and to this day I still don't even know how I failed at it but then they still didn't accept me onto a service, they just said will you do it again so i said no and they okay go home. Like what the hell.

So yeah the system is very much broken and very much failed me, and when I did finally get into a service they tried me on a medication and turns out I was allergic to it so that didn't go well and so inwas taken off it and tried a different one which worked but then I didn't like what it was doing to me so they took me off it and discharged me from the service. So I never even got help anyway but I moved on and got on with my life as I do.

But to be fair I am honestly perfectly fine. I'm not even necessarily struggling I'm just angry. I'm angry at my life.
Even though I am angry at it, I still move on with each day as it is and to be honest I probably push myself way to hard at times. Especially when my health isn't great.

I'm like working on 50 things at once. And also trying to find a way I can get somebody in my family help because I know he is struggling an awful lot.

I'm not even feeling well at the moment, my dizzy spells have been intense and nothing is stopping them and I am just moving on with my day as if I am not even having them.

But anyways, I don't even know why I'm talking about this. The things I actually need to talk about, I never seem to talk about. Its like I talk about anything but the stuff I need to say. Sorry for wasting time as usual.

Comments

  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,744 Boards Guru
    You’re not wasting time and I’m so sorry the services failed you so many times. It’s so frustrating when you literally can’t access the help that you need, when you KNOW it’s out there somewhere but nobody seems to care enough to give it to you. I don’t get it. It’s so miserable. Hopefully it won’t be like this forever.
    You’re so strong to have kept going despite all this.
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,095 Part of The Furniture
    Im really sorry things are hard and the system is broken and everything you are going through. You're strong for pushing through and you're an amazing valued member here @Animalloverb ❤️.
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @Redemption @AnonymousToe
    Thank you both I appreciate it.

    Just, I have a lot going on right now, nothing that deserves to be shared.
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,095 Part of The Furniture
    edited August 6
    Animalloverb wrote: »
    @Redemption
    Thank you both I appreciate it.

    Just, I have a lot going on right now, nothing that deserves to be shared.

    You deserve to share anything you want @Animalloverb , its tough services have failed you, Im really sorry to hear that but you do deserve to be heard if you did ever need that, I know Im repeating myself but we are all deserving of support. The system urgently needs changing , its never you thats the issue ❤️ please don't ever think that.
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    I know @Redemption but I just don't think anyone would even care anyway. Nothing anyone can do and I'm just a waste. I'm not that important.
  • eylaheylah Posts: 8,878 Legendary Poster
    you definitely are important to us here at the mix @Animalloverb . i know we can’t physically do anything to change what’s going on in your life but we do rly care abt you. even if it’s virtually supporting you we still want to try give you a place to be heard and to be listened to. pls keep reaching out bc you’re important. <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,095 Part of The Furniture
    Animalloverb wrote: »
    I know @Redemption but I just don't think anyone would even care anyway. Nothing anyone can do and I'm just a waste. I'm not that important.

    You are absolutely not a waste @Animalloverb I know it might or does feel like it but I promise you aren't a waste. You are important and we all care about you here ❤️
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    Thank you @eylah , and @Redemption I appreciate it.

    I don't even know if I should talk about it anyways.
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,095 Part of The Furniture
    Animalloverb wrote: »
    Thank you , and @Redemption I appreciate it.

    I don't even know if I should talk about it anyways.
    Do whatever you're confortable with but we're here no matter what
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @Redemption

    The other day I nearly got fired from my job so that was awful, I mean especially after all I did just to get in that day. And now I am apparently on a fine line to being fired.

    I'm hiding a lot of stuff to be honest.
    I'm hiding the fact that I still think of my abuser. And I'm not actually as strong as I seem to be.

    I'm also constantly in meetings at the moment trying to change systems for Young people for 2 different things. And it is hard work to be honest. Doing that as well as studying something and working 2 jobs.

    That's not everything, but it's all I am going to say for now as I'm not boring anyone with my problems that absolutely don't matter as they aren't that much. People have it worse.
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,095 Part of The Furniture
    Animalloverb wrote: »
    @Redemption

    The other day I nearly got fired from my job so that was awful, I mean especially after all I did just to get in that day. And now I am apparently on a fine line to being fired.

    I'm hiding a lot of stuff to be honest.
    I'm hiding the fact that I still think of my abuser. And I'm not actually as strong as I seem to be.

    I'm also constantly in meetings at the moment trying to change systems for Young people for 2 different things. And it is hard work to be honest. Doing that as well as studying something and working 2 jobs.

    That's not everything, but it's all I am going to say for now as I'm not boring anyone with my problems that absolutely don't matter as they aren't that much. People have it worse.

    @Animalloverb that does sound awful about the job. You are incredibly brave for talking about this and you can share as much or as little as you want.
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @Redemption
    Thank you, I appreciate it.
    I would talk more. But some things are hard to explain.
  • Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 5,443 Part of The Furniture
    We can hear how some things are hard to explain @Animalloverb. However, please note, your feelings and circumstances matter to us just as much as anyone else's! This space is yours to access support and connect with the community too (as much or as little as you wish and feel comfortable with).

    It sounds like you have been carrying a lot of weight. Despite that weight, you are still trying to make things better for other people. However, we recognise the pressure that can come with that too, especially with all the commitments you have mentioned having alongside each other.

    You won't bore us - is there anything else you would like to share with us, that you would feel comfortable sharing with us? What would things look like in an ideal world? Not facing the work situation you are currently experiencing sounds like it might be helpful! but is there anything else that may be helpful?
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @Laura_tigger82
    Oh yeah that sure would be helpful but there isn't anything I can do about that so just going to try and be extra careful at work because I don't know what has got me to the point where I am close to being fired but its not something I am wanting to happen.

  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    Everything is going okay, it's all leaving. I have lost myself, and I have lost others too. I just can't with it. Just not anymore.
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,095 Part of The Furniture
    Laura_tigger82 wrote: »
    We can hear how some things are hard to explain @Animalloverb. However, please note, your feelings and circumstances matter to us just as much as anyone else's! This space is yours to access support and connect with the community too (as much or as little as you wish and feel comfortable with).

    It sounds like you have been carrying a lot of weight. Despite that weight, you are still trying to make things better for other people. However, we recognise the pressure that can come with that too, especially with all the commitments you have mentioned having alongside each other.

    You won't bore us - is there anything else you would like to share with us, that you would feel comfortable sharing with us? What would things look like in an ideal world? Not facing the work situation you are currently experiencing sounds like it might be helpful! but is there anything else that may be helpful?

    Hey @Laura_tigger82 I've not seen you in agees, missed you, how have you been?
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,095 Part of The Furniture
    Animalloverb wrote: »
    @Redemption
    Thank you, I appreciate it.
    I would talk more. But some things are hard to explain.

    No worries @Animalloverb I understand fully that things are hard to explain, I fully get it can be. You can take your time, you've got plenty of time ❤️
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @Redemption
    It doesn't matter anymore.
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    I'm done.
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,095 Part of The Furniture
    edited August 7
    Animalloverb wrote: »
    I'm done.

    @Animalloverb When you say you are done, are you safe?
    Post edited by Redemption on
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @Redemption
    I'm fine
  • RedemptionRedemption Community Connector Posts: 5,095 Part of The Furniture
    edited August 7
    Animalloverb wrote: »
    @Redemption
    I'm fine

    @Animalloverb I meant done not domestic, sorry.
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    It's okay
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,397 Boards Champion
    Hey @Animalloverb , how are you doing? I wanted to check in. Sounds like its been a really, really difficult week, and you've been feeling very isolated and alone with feelings that you've felt you have to hide, and juggling the pressure of work, studying, and advocacy work alongside adjusting to changes with being fired from your job. It sounds like this might be overwhelming, and we're right here with you to listen as much as you need to talk. You're doing so well to post about this here.

    I wonder what was happening when you posted 'I'm done' - it sounds like that might have been a pivotal moment?

  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @Sian321
    I got really angry and upset and lost full control over everything and just wanted to let it all go in that moment.
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,397 Boards Champion
    @Animalloverb , I hear you, and that anger is valid. I wonder if you'd feel safe sharing what you mean by 'let it all go'?

    It sounds like you really, really wanted some relief from this situation
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    edited August 9
    i kind of just wanted to end everything, like suicidal thoughs
    @Sian321
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,397 Boards Champion
    @Animalloverb , I hear you, and that sounds so distressing. I really hear just how overwhelming that moment was, and so much this week compounding too. Its been an awful lot to carry. You're being really brave to talk about this.

    Can I ask, are you feeling able to keep yourself physically safe today and this evening? And how are you keeping yourself safe?

    We're here with you, and we care about your safety.
  • AnimalloverbAnimalloverb Posts: 146 Helping Hand
    @Sian321
    Yeah I am able to keep myself safe, I am working on stuff outside my house today and I have some workmen over doing their work to help me out.
  • Sian321Sian321 Community Manager Posts: 2,397 Boards Champion
    Thank you for letting us know @Animalloverb , Please know that the following spaces are also here for you if you wish to explore these feelings more in-depth 1:1. I hear how isolating this may be, and you deserve to have support:
    Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
    Papyrus - https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
    CALM - https://www.thecalmzone.net/
    SHOUT 24/7 Text service - https://giveusashout.org/

    You can find further support around PTSD flashbacks here too:
    https://www.ptsduk.org/what-is-ptsd/understanding-ptsd-flashbacks-and-triggers/
    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-and-complex-ptsd/self-care/
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