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Rant (TW- one mention of suicide
Animalloverb
Posts: 127 The Mix Convert
I know everyone is only trying to support me but that isn't going to solve anything and I truly don't need it. I have tried getting help already but as everyone here already knows, the system is ridiculous and it failed me just like how it has for many other people.
TW- mention of suicide
So yeah the system is very much broken and very much failed me, and when I did finally get into a service they tried me on a medication and turns out I was allergic to it so that didn't go well and so inwas taken off it and tried a different one which worked but then I didn't like what it was doing to me so they took me off it and discharged me from the service. So I never even got help anyway but I moved on and got on with my life as I do.
But to be fair I am honestly perfectly fine. I'm not even necessarily struggling I'm just angry. I'm angry at my life.
Even though I am angry at it, I still move on with each day as it is and to be honest I probably push myself way to hard at times. Especially when my health isn't great.
I'm like working on 50 things at once. And also trying to find a way I can get somebody in my family help because I know he is struggling an awful lot.
I'm not even feeling well at the moment, my dizzy spells have been intense and nothing is stopping them and I am just moving on with my day as if I am not even having them.
But anyways, I don't even know why I'm talking about this. The things I actually need to talk about, I never seem to talk about. Its like I talk about anything but the stuff I need to say. Sorry for wasting time as usual.
TW- mention of suicide
it took me 6 attempts before i was even accepted into a service.i tried saying i needed help but they said i seemed perfectly fine and so you know i just thought whats the point so i made my first attempt which failed and to this day I still don't even know how I failed at it but then they still didn't accept me onto a service, they just said will you do it again so i said no and they okay go home. Like what the hell.
So yeah the system is very much broken and very much failed me, and when I did finally get into a service they tried me on a medication and turns out I was allergic to it so that didn't go well and so inwas taken off it and tried a different one which worked but then I didn't like what it was doing to me so they took me off it and discharged me from the service. So I never even got help anyway but I moved on and got on with my life as I do.
But to be fair I am honestly perfectly fine. I'm not even necessarily struggling I'm just angry. I'm angry at my life.
Even though I am angry at it, I still move on with each day as it is and to be honest I probably push myself way to hard at times. Especially when my health isn't great.
I'm like working on 50 things at once. And also trying to find a way I can get somebody in my family help because I know he is struggling an awful lot.
I'm not even feeling well at the moment, my dizzy spells have been intense and nothing is stopping them and I am just moving on with my day as if I am not even having them.
But anyways, I don't even know why I'm talking about this. The things I actually need to talk about, I never seem to talk about. Its like I talk about anything but the stuff I need to say. Sorry for wasting time as usual.
2
Comments
You’re so strong to have kept going despite all this.
Thank you both I appreciate it.
Just, I have a lot going on right now, nothing that deserves to be shared.
You deserve to share anything you want @Animalloverb , its tough services have failed you, Im really sorry to hear that but you do deserve to be heard if you did ever need that, I know Im repeating myself but we are all deserving of support. The system urgently needs changing , its never you thats the issue ❤️ please don't ever think that.
You are absolutely not a waste @Animalloverb I know it might or does feel like it but I promise you aren't a waste. You are important and we all care about you here ❤️
I don't even know if I should talk about it anyways.
The other day I nearly got fired from my job so that was awful, I mean especially after all I did just to get in that day. And now I am apparently on a fine line to being fired.
I'm hiding a lot of stuff to be honest.
I'm hiding the fact that I still think of my abuser. And I'm not actually as strong as I seem to be.
I'm also constantly in meetings at the moment trying to change systems for Young people for 2 different things. And it is hard work to be honest. Doing that as well as studying something and working 2 jobs.
That's not everything, but it's all I am going to say for now as I'm not boring anyone with my problems that absolutely don't matter as they aren't that much. People have it worse.
@Animalloverb that does sound awful about the job. You are incredibly brave for talking about this and you can share as much or as little as you want.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
I would talk more. But some things are hard to explain.
It sounds like you have been carrying a lot of weight. Despite that weight, you are still trying to make things better for other people. However, we recognise the pressure that can come with that too, especially with all the commitments you have mentioned having alongside each other.
You won't bore us - is there anything else you would like to share with us, that you would feel comfortable sharing with us? What would things look like in an ideal world? Not facing the work situation you are currently experiencing sounds like it might be helpful! but is there anything else that may be helpful?
Oh yeah that sure would be helpful but there isn't anything I can do about that so just going to try and be extra careful at work because I don't know what has got me to the point where I am close to being fired but its not something I am wanting to happen.
Hey @Laura_tigger82 I've not seen you in agees, missed you, how have you been?
No worries @Animalloverb I understand fully that things are hard to explain, I fully get it can be. You can take your time, you've got plenty of time ❤️
It doesn't matter anymore.
@Animalloverb When you say you are done, are you safe?
I'm fine
@Animalloverb I meant done not domestic, sorry.