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Work supervision- so scared- I'm worse off
Invisible_me
Posts: 514 Incredible Poster
in Work & Study
Hi..
So my manager is calling me tomorrow to have a supervision with me- last "proper supervision" was in April before i even spoke to his manager and spoke about the struggles/adjustments made. We've had like 'informal chats/check ins etc. His been meaning to do it f2f these 2 weeks but been shirt staffed or his been the lead on duty so now its phone on non work day.
I feel so scared! I feel generally shifts from what they've seen have got worse, downhill!! - im walking out, had a "overwhelmed moment at work and manager saw", having to be on timeout, not doing solo individual session. But from my end I'm feeling less exhausted, drained after shift and 'enjoying the settled moments' which i wasn't before from all the masking!
Whereas before i spoke to his manager I was doing sessions individually, they didbt hsve to 'bother' like they'll just give me the 1st session, 2nd session now thryre giving it to the wider team and I'm doing nothing. I feel embarrased bad like the rest of the team are dealing with delivery/day whereas I'm on timeout or doing admin which isn't my job.
Scared how supervision will go because if this, I'll probably be so shut down as well so won't vocalised this. I'll also feel scared for vocalising anything because he will thrm record it and I domt want it recorded officially!!
Also order duties like being in reception, doing voicemail, making referalls, info sharing that if i had to do this I'd be lost as to what to do, less confident! But then I guess others are permanent, full time and I'm sessional 1 day a week so its goingbto be harder...
I feel like such a failure!! 😒
So my manager is calling me tomorrow to have a supervision with me- last "proper supervision" was in April before i even spoke to his manager and spoke about the struggles/adjustments made. We've had like 'informal chats/check ins etc. His been meaning to do it f2f these 2 weeks but been shirt staffed or his been the lead on duty so now its phone on non work day.
I feel so scared! I feel generally shifts from what they've seen have got worse, downhill!! - im walking out, had a "overwhelmed moment at work and manager saw", having to be on timeout, not doing solo individual session. But from my end I'm feeling less exhausted, drained after shift and 'enjoying the settled moments' which i wasn't before from all the masking!
Whereas before i spoke to his manager I was doing sessions individually, they didbt hsve to 'bother' like they'll just give me the 1st session, 2nd session now thryre giving it to the wider team and I'm doing nothing. I feel embarrased bad like the rest of the team are dealing with delivery/day whereas I'm on timeout or doing admin which isn't my job.
Scared how supervision will go because if this, I'll probably be so shut down as well so won't vocalised this. I'll also feel scared for vocalising anything because he will thrm record it and I domt want it recorded officially!!
Also order duties like being in reception, doing voicemail, making referalls, info sharing that if i had to do this I'd be lost as to what to do, less confident! But then I guess others are permanent, full time and I'm sessional 1 day a week so its goingbto be harder...
I feel like such a failure!! 😒
2
Comments
It started off okay, we had a discussion around music and he said they'll consider quieter, no word music but expressed i fekt bad as this means a whole change for everyone else- he did reassure though a bit.
After then, I was wrapped up completely in duvet he kept saying he couldn't hear me..
He notified me of a service change that's goibg to have a massive impact on me, I expressed its goingbto to impact me abd nervous on it he just said "okays cool"... yeah so. Leave me pondering and worrying me over This!
He said i need to action the checklist and I explained it need it broken down and explained how, who, what, when and he said "okay in will support then, I guess" but could tell he wasn't to impressed. I even said how I'd because then I'm like " what do i do, how, who do i ask, when, what do I say, what will they say etc..
At end i said how I feel like I'm not doing much work and am mich worth and be just "okay cool, I'm ending supervision now". What the hell?? So yeah, is he agreeing to that then or is it a genuine case if the signal playing up which could he.
But he never brought up or spoke to me about any of the other adjustments, recent difficukt shifts or that incident that happened with staff other than the email response he said.
I domt even know yet if I'm in this thurs, no one has confirmed for me. Ive swnt an email and asked a question on if there's a change in how day will run because on the rota they've got a workshop planned and dunno how this affects service and I don't like chabges.
The music was better this time..
With this time out, it helps when im bad but then because its measured in my consistent in doing fronting delivery work I'm feeling less confident in it now! Ans feel like I'm not bringing anything to the team- goung backwards!
How can I bring this up with him? Also how do I mention those comments. Plus only if his supportive, he was a bit off in supervision and Thurs jist nothing from him.
I'm sorry to hear your meeting went badly.
It sounds like, although he listened to your thoughts on the music, the rest of the time he seemed like he wasn't really interested in what you were saying - being worried about service changes and about needing a more detailed list of how to do certain tasks. And the way he ended the call must have been so frustrating and confusing for you - to me it sounded like he could have had a bad signal, but he should have told you then or afterwards if he did so you guys could continue talking.
It sounds like there is a lack of communication between you and work which is really getting to you - not knowing when you're in and not knowing if they are listening to what you are saying. Facing that sounds super stressful and frustrating - you are doing a good job sharing on here.
I'm hearing that going in is becoming super challenging, not only working out when you've to be in but also dealing with people's opinions and comments on everything.
I can hear how frustrated you are at yourself as well - feeling like you're bringing the team down, but it sounds like your supervisor didn't listen when you brought this up to him. You are showing a lot of persistence and courage by wanting to bring it up to him again.
Talking to him about all this does sound like a good idea - so you know where you're at with everything and so you can bring up those comments. Earlier you mentioned that you didn't want him to officially record some of the things you said. Are you still feeling this way?
I'm wondering if emailing him would be easier for you instead of another phonecall or face to face - what way do you think would be easiest for you if you want to try bring some of this stuff up with him?
Thank you for replying to these posts!
Yeah the supervision just didn't feel supportive and like an abrupt way to end it. It was horrible!
Shift last thurs then also felt a struggle. Sorry those comments of "its all your faukt" "what you been doing all these hours and months", "why di you need timeout for when we do back to back sessions". Was made by one of the workers. I cried! It playing my head for a whole week.
But I managed to message my manager yesterday and he phoned me. I emailed him over these comments and he chat with me about it.. he agreed those comments weren't nice to hear. He was saying how that particular worker has been "pestering him on information aiut me and why he 'favours' me to her eyes' ans because he didn't disclose my stuff she wasn't happy. But like what I discuss is confidential and what he knows abouts me, my adjustments are also confidential. He eas nice aboit it all and told me to make sure I tell him aboit any incidents so his aware and he'll keep a track of these "microaggressions " and raise it up with the service manager. I think if I email him then have a chat with him about it it helps.
This though doesn't change the fact I feel behind or gone backwards.
Im going to work Monday abd Thurs this werk and working from a different site , plus my managers not around instead its that manager i had a issue with on calling me skinny... service manager is there tomorrow but not thurs..
Im so worried. Tomorrow like new site for me!!, dunno where stuff are as such, different atmosphere, dunno where to v go for timeout! Service manager (she's also aware of me) there but not in some room so therefore wont notice my signs and no one checks in with me at beginning and I'll need a check in tomorrow- that to privately.
Dunno how ill do tomorrow?? 😶🌫️
Thurs will be another battle...
It's really good to hear that your manager can see how harmful those comments were towards you. It sounds like he is being a bit more supportive than how he was on the phone previously.
You are absolutely right, your adjustments are none of her business and it's really good to hear that your manager is taking those comments seriously.
I can hear you are still feeling a bit like you aren't making much progress and whilst Thursday was a better shift, it seems like you think that was to do with the lack of delivery demand rather than anything else. That’s such a tough place to be, feeling like you’re not keeping up, even when circumstances ease up a bit.
It's important to try be gentle with yourself though, it can take time to rebuild confidence after feeling unsupported, especially since you've had advocate for yourself so much lately. You’re showing up, you’re trying, and that matters.
Sounds like you expected Monday to be pretty challenging with lots of different things to think about in a new environment. With so much unknown, I understand why you would be worried.
How did Monday go?
That response from manager felt better yeah. Im glad.. his still hit and miss... but guess bis getting there.. exactly my adjustments aren't anyone's business.
I still feel like ive gone backwards and not doing much.. my mamager enforced that in. Monday when he unexpectedly did. My probation review and has said "yiuve not failed but its not fair.for me to pass you and his extended it by 3 months. He wants me to be more confident and less doubtful but how do I achieve that!!
Monday was really difficult at start literally was going to burst with like new venue etc. Only the manager who called me skinny was in so that didnt help. But yhe service manager came in 2 hrs later and I had a chat with her she was nice and she reassured me etc.. thej my manager spoke to me and did the probabatoon review. His asked me to think about what other managers need to know, as his not always in z ways to communicate and be more confident .. im trying to advocate for myself but its hard..
Tomorrow's another challenge, back to usual venue but only the manager who called me skinny is in and she's not aware of my adjustments. My manager still hasn't spoken to her regarding her not shortening my name.
It sounds like that probation review seemed to catch you off guard. It can be pretty disconcerting when management spring something like that on you. I'm hearing he gave you some feedback about your confidence levels on the job but hasn't really given you a structure on how to do this. I can imagine that was pretty frustrating.
I can imagine being in a new place with that manager must have been super tough. It's good to hear that the other manager came in and made you feel at ease though.
Telling other managers what they need to know sounds like it could be useful - a good way to advocate for yourself. Although i can understand that telling this to each manager over and over can be a little annoying - considering that manager already knows and could have said to them.
You're doing well to keep facing this every day, it takes a lot of energy to be constantly advocating for yourself especially with all these barriers. How are you doing today? Have you been able to carve out some time to do something nice for yourself?
Yes did catch.e off guard. I kinda expected it would be an extension but like his not specified how I can meet the targets etc completely. Like its just be more confident buut that's too general for me.
Im in another issue like the service manager has now emailed me to say we dont need you in September yet when I've looked at the rota there is still staffing need but shes said they dont need me. I dont understand?? So otger than booked in next thurs thts it. And im upset aboit it in a way.. as much worry as it causes I want to be there. Are they playing a sly game- is she not booking me in because I've not passed my probabatoon? Because m "not good enough".
If you dont book me in sidts then how I can meet my targets.
If i have a break uts going to break my routine but then cause more anxiety when I do need to go in which will then impat on my performance.
Are you able to speak to your manager, or another manager about both of these issues? Hopefully they can help you to get clear communication on what you need. We're here to support you through this.
Service manager on leave to next week byt she's sometimes works difference base to me when I go in. I could ask my manager in Thurs and try and speak to him- need to figure out what to say! But he'll prob just say its "depends if ee need staff, budget speak to Service manager
I can hear how stressed and anxious this is making you feel.
A lack of specifying how you can meet targets and 'be more confident' sounds so frustrating and anxiety inducing. Then on top of that, the rota issue. It sounds like it is taking more and more strength and perseverance to continue to show up for shifts.
I totally understand that the contradiction between what management are saying and what the rota says would lead to a big anxiety spiral. It seems like they are just making this whole thing more complicated than it needs to be...and on top of that keeping you in the dark about the whole thing!
I am hearing that this extra staff member with no shifts is causing a lot of concern, making you feel like you are not good enough or that they are moving on without you. I can also hear frustration in the fact that you are so open and willing to keep trying but it almost seems like they aren't giving you a chance to do that with more than one shift on Thursday.
I think speaking to either the manager or service manager is definitely a very good idea, maybe asking about any extra shifts as you are keen to keep working on your targets? Although you might need to wait until the service manager is back.
In the mean time, take a deep breath and know that you are trying your best in a difficult and frustrating situation. You can't control what your service manager does but you can control how you show up to shifts and what you do to try increase communication between you and the manager.
You are trying your best and they will be able to see that. I'm hoping once the service manager is back they will be able to give you some more clarity on what is going on.
I've got no further shifts booked after tomorrow thsts what i meant. She said she "dont need me September, ' so that's a whole month gap if not longer.
Saturday was a disaster I failed making it in m tomorrow causing anxiety but my manager decided to reply today to an email I sent like 8 days ago reflecting on shift 2 weeks ago, his sent a nice reply back ", yoyr doing well, what's made you shut dowj after shift, we can hsve a chat tomorrow ". So when he speaks to me if he does ill mention about this September shifts and the anxiety having a gap is causing and worry if this impacting my ability to meet probation, see what he says even if he judtxsprskfb to service manager and passes my concerns over. Hope his okay to talk to tomorrow! And shift goes okay, not been in 2 weeks.
Thank you..
It sounds like there are potential performance concerns, which are leading to gaps in your rota and then the gaps are causing you anxiety which is causing heightened anxiety (and un-masking!). I am hearing this is because the gaps disrupt your routine and that talking about this might help. Am I hearing this right? Are there elements of your day that you could focus on creating routine in, that are more stable, perhaps?
Did you manage to speak to your manager yesterday? If so, I am just wondering if you would like to share more with us about how this went for you