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Work supervision- so scared- I'm worse off
Invisible_me
Posts: 483 Listening Ear
in Work & Study
Hi..
So my manager is calling me tomorrow to have a supervision with me- last "proper supervision" was in April before i even spoke to his manager and spoke about the struggles/adjustments made. We've had like 'informal chats/check ins etc. His been meaning to do it f2f these 2 weeks but been shirt staffed or his been the lead on duty so now its phone on non work day.
I feel so scared! I feel generally shifts from what they've seen have got worse, downhill!! - im walking out, had a "overwhelmed moment at work and manager saw", having to be on timeout, not doing solo individual session. But from my end I'm feeling less exhausted, drained after shift and 'enjoying the settled moments' which i wasn't before from all the masking!
Whereas before i spoke to his manager I was doing sessions individually, they didbt hsve to 'bother' like they'll just give me the 1st session, 2nd session now thryre giving it to the wider team and I'm doing nothing. I feel embarrased bad like the rest of the team are dealing with delivery/day whereas I'm on timeout or doing admin which isn't my job.
Scared how supervision will go because if this, I'll probably be so shut down as well so won't vocalised this. I'll also feel scared for vocalising anything because he will thrm record it and I domt want it recorded officially!!
Also order duties like being in reception, doing voicemail, making referalls, info sharing that if i had to do this I'd be lost as to what to do, less confident! But then I guess others are permanent, full time and I'm sessional 1 day a week so its goingbto be harder...
I feel like such a failure!! 😒
So my manager is calling me tomorrow to have a supervision with me- last "proper supervision" was in April before i even spoke to his manager and spoke about the struggles/adjustments made. We've had like 'informal chats/check ins etc. His been meaning to do it f2f these 2 weeks but been shirt staffed or his been the lead on duty so now its phone on non work day.
I feel so scared! I feel generally shifts from what they've seen have got worse, downhill!! - im walking out, had a "overwhelmed moment at work and manager saw", having to be on timeout, not doing solo individual session. But from my end I'm feeling less exhausted, drained after shift and 'enjoying the settled moments' which i wasn't before from all the masking!
Whereas before i spoke to his manager I was doing sessions individually, they didbt hsve to 'bother' like they'll just give me the 1st session, 2nd session now thryre giving it to the wider team and I'm doing nothing. I feel embarrased bad like the rest of the team are dealing with delivery/day whereas I'm on timeout or doing admin which isn't my job.
Scared how supervision will go because if this, I'll probably be so shut down as well so won't vocalised this. I'll also feel scared for vocalising anything because he will thrm record it and I domt want it recorded officially!!
Also order duties like being in reception, doing voicemail, making referalls, info sharing that if i had to do this I'd be lost as to what to do, less confident! But then I guess others are permanent, full time and I'm sessional 1 day a week so its goingbto be harder...
I feel like such a failure!! 😒
1
Comments
It started off okay, we had a discussion around music and he said they'll consider quieter, no word music but expressed i fekt bad as this means a whole change for everyone else- he did reassure though a bit.
After then, I was wrapped up completely in duvet he kept saying he couldn't hear me..
He notified me of a service change that's goibg to have a massive impact on me, I expressed its goingbto to impact me abd nervous on it he just said "okays cool"... yeah so. Leave me pondering and worrying me over This!
He said i need to action the checklist and I explained it need it broken down and explained how, who, what, when and he said "okay in will support then, I guess" but could tell he wasn't to impressed. I even said how I'd because then I'm like " what do i do, how, who do i ask, when, what do I say, what will they say etc..
At end i said how I feel like I'm not doing much work and am mich worth and be just "okay cool, I'm ending supervision now". What the hell?? So yeah, is he agreeing to that then or is it a genuine case if the signal playing up which could he.
But he never brought up or spoke to me about any of the other adjustments, recent difficukt shifts or that incident that happened with staff other than the email response he said.
I domt even know yet if I'm in this thurs, no one has confirmed for me. Ive swnt an email and asked a question on if there's a change in how day will run because on the rota they've got a workshop planned and dunno how this affects service and I don't like chabges.
The music was better this time..
With this time out, it helps when im bad but then because its measured in my consistent in doing fronting delivery work I'm feeling less confident in it now! Ans feel like I'm not bringing anything to the team- goung backwards!
How can I bring this up with him? Also how do I mention those comments. Plus only if his supportive, he was a bit off in supervision and Thurs jist nothing from him.
I'm sorry to hear your meeting went badly.
It sounds like, although he listened to your thoughts on the music, the rest of the time he seemed like he wasn't really interested in what you were saying - being worried about service changes and about needing a more detailed list of how to do certain tasks. And the way he ended the call must have been so frustrating and confusing for you - to me it sounded like he could have had a bad signal, but he should have told you then or afterwards if he did so you guys could continue talking.
It sounds like there is a lack of communication between you and work which is really getting to you - not knowing when you're in and not knowing if they are listening to what you are saying. Facing that sounds super stressful and frustrating - you are doing a good job sharing on here.
I'm hearing that going in is becoming super challenging, not only working out when you've to be in but also dealing with people's opinions and comments on everything.
I can hear how frustrated you are at yourself as well - feeling like you're bringing the team down, but it sounds like your supervisor didn't listen when you brought this up to him. You are showing a lot of persistence and courage by wanting to bring it up to him again.
Talking to him about all this does sound like a good idea - so you know where you're at with everything and so you can bring up those comments. Earlier you mentioned that you didn't want him to officially record some of the things you said. Are you still feeling this way?
I'm wondering if emailing him would be easier for you instead of another phonecall or face to face - what way do you think would be easiest for you if you want to try bring some of this stuff up with him?
Thank you for replying to these posts!
Yeah the supervision just didn't feel supportive and like an abrupt way to end it. It was horrible!
Shift last thurs then also felt a struggle. Sorry those comments of "its all your faukt" "what you been doing all these hours and months", "why di you need timeout for when we do back to back sessions". Was made by one of the workers. I cried! It playing my head for a whole week.
But I managed to message my manager yesterday and he phoned me. I emailed him over these comments and he chat with me about it.. he agreed those comments weren't nice to hear. He was saying how that particular worker has been "pestering him on information aiut me and why he 'favours' me to her eyes' ans because he didn't disclose my stuff she wasn't happy. But like what I discuss is confidential and what he knows abouts me, my adjustments are also confidential. He eas nice aboit it all and told me to make sure I tell him aboit any incidents so his aware and he'll keep a track of these "microaggressions " and raise it up with the service manager. I think if I email him then have a chat with him about it it helps.
This though doesn't change the fact I feel behind or gone backwards.