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(trigger warning mentions of alcohol) Feelings of negativity
Redemption
Community Connector Posts: 5,044 Part of The Furniture
I keep getting this feeling that I’m rubbish, no good, or a failure because I’m not working yet, and even when I try to be happy or do things I enjoy or spend time with others, those negative thoughts still come back. I try to remind myself that I’m on my own journey and not the only one in this position, but the positive thoughts feel faint while the negative ones feel bold and louder. I truly want to change, but it’s been a really hard journey. I’ve been trying for so long, and my interview skills are something I’m currently working on because they aren’t very strong. I struggle with interviews, especially with maintaining eye contact and coming up with answers on the spot. My key worker is supporting me and might be able to help me get a job before September or help me get onto an employment course, but everything feels tough. I might have to go on another course that isn’t tied to a job, just to gain work experience and build skills. I am grateful for the opportunity, of course, but it’s not a paid role and it’s five days a week, so it’s like I’m giving up a lot of time without earning anything. It’s not that I don’t want the opportunity, I probably will do it, but I’ve already been pushing myself for so long, applying, trying, being let down, and I still haven’t had the outcome I really want. I’m still being asked to do more courses, and while they could help build my skills, confidence, and work experience, I’d rather be in actual work by now. I’ve been struggling to sleep, I’ve been feeling lonely, I’ve been feeling rubbish at times, and I find it hard to be positive.
I also feel like people make comments or act like I’m not putting in strong effort, when I am. Some even act like I’ve chosen not to work, like family saying, “you need to get a job then you can have this car,” when I’m genuinely trying hard to get a job and I do really want a new car. Although I’m working on my interview skills with my key worker and his colleagues, and there’s an organisation offering a longer course with work experience starting in September, it’s still uncertain. They also have an employment course that could lead to a job, but I’ve done a couple of those before and didn’t pass the assessment sessions, so they’re suggesting a different skills course first. I genuinely want to move towards work, especially with my birthday coming up, but that time of year often brings these feelings up more strongly. I want to enjoy my birthday and then keep pushing forward, but staying positive is hard. I'm also no longer getting counselling anymore, which makes it feel even harder to manage everything on my own. Luckily, I have this community for a while, which helps, but outside of sessions during the day, I often feel alone. I know I’m not going to have this support forever, and I’ve been thinking about getting a girlfriend, not just for company but to have someone to spend time with, be social with, and to love and care about. I know I will at some point, but I’ve heard it can be a long, hard journey, maybe even like my job search. Being shorter and not knowing exactly how or where I’m going to meet someone just adds to the uncertainty.
trigger warning mentions of alcohol
I also feel like people make comments or act like I’m not putting in strong effort, when I am. Some even act like I’ve chosen not to work, like family saying, “you need to get a job then you can have this car,” when I’m genuinely trying hard to get a job and I do really want a new car. Although I’m working on my interview skills with my key worker and his colleagues, and there’s an organisation offering a longer course with work experience starting in September, it’s still uncertain. They also have an employment course that could lead to a job, but I’ve done a couple of those before and didn’t pass the assessment sessions, so they’re suggesting a different skills course first. I genuinely want to move towards work, especially with my birthday coming up, but that time of year often brings these feelings up more strongly. I want to enjoy my birthday and then keep pushing forward, but staying positive is hard. I'm also no longer getting counselling anymore, which makes it feel even harder to manage everything on my own. Luckily, I have this community for a while, which helps, but outside of sessions during the day, I often feel alone. I know I’m not going to have this support forever, and I’ve been thinking about getting a girlfriend, not just for company but to have someone to spend time with, be social with, and to love and care about. I know I will at some point, but I’ve heard it can be a long, hard journey, maybe even like my job search. Being shorter and not knowing exactly how or where I’m going to meet someone just adds to the uncertainty.
trigger warning mentions of alcohol
I felt overwhelmed this week and ended up drinking on a few days, which I think was because of how I was feeling. I don’t normally drink to cope and haven’t used alcohol like that before, but this time I did. I’ve just had a lot of stuff happen, my routine got ruined which overwhelmed me over the weekend and going into this week, then some other things happened as well. On top of all that is my job search and my low opinion of myself, and it’s just been overwhelming for so long now.
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Comments
https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/
i was recommended it by a security guard at my local hospital they’re rly gd. you’re not alone with this @Redemption i am so proud of how far you’re coming with job searching etc. you are doing your best and i believe in you. pls keep going you’ve got this
Thank you for opening up about this. What you're going through at the moment sounds difficult and like a lot of emotions to handle. How are you feeling after writing it all down? Sometimes I find writing all the feelings in my head down helps me navigate my emotions.
I can hear that you are feeling frustrated about this pursuit for a job. From what you've written it seems as though you're putting in a lot of effort, doing these unpaid courses and you are left feeling empty handed without a job. These feelings must not be helped by those close to you making you feel like you aren't trying hard enough.
But from what you have said, it sounds like you really are putting in all the effort to get a job and I can really see you dedication. You've identified something you find challenging- the interviews, and you have decided to work on those skills. This is such a great step forward and shows some great initiative. Hopefully it will help you land that job you want. Be proud of yourself. I can really see your drive to get this job, even if it feels like those close to you can't.
On tackling those . You are so right that you are on your own path. You're doing great trying to combat those negative thoughts and with time I found that they do fade. Like don't get me wrong I have my bad days where they still feel very loud, but the more I started to challenge them the stronger my positive voice became and the less control the negative voices had.
Have you noticed if your negative voices arise at certain times or after certain events? Or times when your positive voice is louder?
I hear that your also feeling more lonely recently, are you able to reach out to someone close like a friend that maybe you could arrange to see? You're doing really well opening up to our community about this, have you been able to discuss these topics with anyone else? If you have someone you trust talking to it might help to talk about it and help with the feelings of loneliness. If not that's totally ok.
This community will always be here for you.
On the drinking side of things, noted that @eylah has left a link to AA in case it's helpful. Can I ask, when you've had something to drink to cope, are you doing this by yourself, or with others around? And are you drinking safely?
I understand that negative voices are quite loud at the moment, especially during this time of year. It's especially hard when it comes from people close to us, and it can really hit our confidence. Sometimes in this situation where looking ahead can be demoralising, it's helpful to take a moment to look back at how far you've come. The things you've accomplished, the experiences you've had, the people you've met and the lessons you've learned. You might be surprised to see how far you've come on your journey!
We're here to support you on your journey. I'm hopeful that you'll be able to secure the job you're looking for in time!
Thank you @eylah you’re the best. I might have a look at that and have a chat. I don’t think my drinking is an issue just things got overwhelming and I tried to use it to cope this week, I definitely need to not let it become an issue. Thank you so much Eylah you're the best x. I hope you're ok today.
@Azziman thank you. I normally drink by myself and Im not dangerous when I drink like no harm to anyone or anything but its just it could have health issues to myself. I agree it hits when people are close and it hits harder and everything is demoralising in general, thats a good word exactly how it is, I think I feel a tad better just knowing that word but yh. It feels like I haven't accomplished anything at times but y'all make me realise I have. Im so grateful and happy y'all here to support me on my journey I know 1 day hopefully soon I can come on and tell y'all that I got a job and new goals like building savings and getting a new car, hopefully soon. Thank you Azziman I really appreciate it, I hope you're well.
Hey @Blue_lily I think I felt better once writing all this down, thats a good question. It's all tough but Im just pushing through. Im not sure if I have many people I feel I can reach out to, maybe I do but I don't want to burden people like people are busy with their own issues. I think my negative thoughts arise around Christmas time and like around my birthday period like now it is because it is another year has past or Ive got a year older but not got to where I want to be yet. I maybe have positive thoughts more when someone is positive so for example my work coach at the Job Centre said Ill get that job and that made me positive or maybe going to my cv appointments that makes me feel better that Im getting up going somewhere to improve my cv and I feel like it looks good now and cv can be powerful in job hunting I heard. I speak to people supporting me getting into work a bit about this feelings. Anyway thank you so much. I hope you're ok.
I don’t think you have to have a drinking every day etc to msg them. it’s for anyone who is finding it hard with alcohol and might just need a bit of support so you will be okay msg them.
If helpful, I will share below some alternative self-care activities for when things get really overwhelming:
Get a piece of paper and scribble down a “worry dump” - let the paper hold your worries, rather than your head
'Name it to tame it' - Use this feelings wheel to help you name what you're feeling right now - https://feelingswheel.com/
Send a voice note to yourself like a mini check-in - WhatsApp is great for this. You can DM yourself.
Make a post on the Discussion Boards, or call or text a friend. Studies have shown that chatting with a friend or loved one even just once during the day to catch up, joke around or tell them you're thinking of them can help fulfil that human need to belong and boost wellbeing.
Colour your feelings onto paper - sometimes it's hard to find the words, but using colours could help you express yourself, e.g. red for anger, blue for sadness
Put on a movie or song that lets you cry it out and helps all that pent-up emotion to move through you
If you're a spiritual or religious person, praying might help you to ask your higher-power to help you hold the weight of these feelings. You don't have to face this alone.
Check out SHOUT’s self-help resources - https://giveusashout.org/get-help/resources/
I can hear how exhausting it is to keep pushing when the outcome still feels uncertain. You said that the positive thoughts feel faint while the negative ones feel bold and louder, and again, that makes total sense because it’s hard to keep hope loud when things aren’t going the way you hoped, especially when others don’t see how much effort you’re putting in, from applying to jobs, working on and attending interviews, considering new opportunities, meeting with your work coach etc. I'm also aware that you mentioned a few weeks ago you have received a possible job offer which is a huge achievement, and even while the opportunity didn't feel well-aligned with what you're looking for - this feels like evidence that job offers can and will come through for you! You're working so hard to find the right opportunity, and that takes huge perseverance.
It also sounds like you’re feeling quite on your own right now too, with your counselling coming to an end, struggling with your thoughts alone late at night, and feeling lonely socially. It’s completely valid to want connection and care, whether that’s through community, a partner, or just someone who sees you and believes in you. When you say that you truly want to change, if you broke that change down into chunks, what do you think progress rather than perfection would look like over the next week? How can you be kind to yourself through this?
We’re really glad you’re here and that this space can be a small part of what helps carry you through!
@Sian321 Thank you so much for your kind message. You’ve described how I feel really well, especially about how being out of work affects your self-esteem and identity. It’s been tough trying so hard and still feeling stuck. I appreciate you recognising that, and reminding me that even getting a job offer, even if it wasn’t right, shows that progress is possible. The nights are the hardest, when everything feels louder and more overwhelming, so it helps to know these feelings make sense. I’m also grateful you didn’t judge me for using alcohol sometimes. That understanding made me feel less ashamed. I’ll try some of the self-care ideas you suggested. This week, I’ll focus on applying to a couple more jobs, getting outside more, and being a bit kinder to myself. Thank you again, this support really helps.