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Comments
yeah maybe it is more of a reason to volunteer. i hope that if i go get past all of the stages of the process to become a childline counsellor they wont train me to do the same thing to other young people like hanging up on them without knowing the full story. @DonnerKebab in fact ill probably just become an email childline counsellor as it can be virtual and thats better for me logistically. so i wont need to hang up on them.
Again, it's bang out of order you had to deal with this. Have you got a different number you can ring from perhaps and see if you can get through to a different volunteer? And as annoying as it is, try and get some sleep. It'll make you a lot more agitated and on edge the more tired you are, and with childline being the way they are currently, it's not nice to have to deal with them whilst tired.
i could ring samaritans. but i dont feel like explaining whats been going on in my life all over again. yeah i could get some sleep, i might take a nap later but thatll depend if i have any caffeine or not. @DonnerKebab
@toffuna101 email is definitely a good one. Especially for those with social anxiety who are likely too anxious to reach out via phone calls. It'll be a lot less stress on you as it won't be realtime but instead at your own pace, and for all those reasons you said as well. Again, it's all up to you, but just volunteering in any capacity speaks a lot about your character, about wanting to help others. That's something to be very proud of.
thanks @DonnerKebab if i dont become a childline volunteer ill probably just volunteer at a charity shop or for a youth organisation. or maybe i could just do multiple at once if they have low hours a week for each, who knows.
Whatever you pick @toffuna101 , you are an amazing person for doing it, all to help others in need out. i'm very proud of you for it, as i think everybody around you is as well.
@toffuna101 whatever you pick friend, i wish you the best of luck with it all. And i understand the exhaustion of repeating your life story over and over again. It becomes draining to explain. Definitely worth getting sleep though. it's valuable and lack of it effects your mental state. Remember we are all on here to support you, or just to chat about whatever you want if you ever feel like venting on here.
in my opinion volunteering gives me more purpose in the world than working for a job to get money. of course i still want to make money somehow to live so i can just do both, work and volunteer. so when i finish college i can start volunteering regularly. @DonnerKebab
do you get enough sleep yourself? @DonnerKebab
@toffuna101 that's the number 1 sign of a good person. Somebody who wants to chase purpose. Most only chase money or wealth or prestige. That's what i think made the world a colder place, but you are the opposite, chasing purpose and a positive impact. You truly are a gem of human being. I hope you know that. Don't let that ever change.
@toffuna101 ah you got me. Not tonight i haven't, or last night, but tomorrow night I will. That's one of the best reversals i've ever seen, pulling the same question on me 😂
well, i wouldnt say that im a gem of a human being as i still have flaws and imperfections, however i guess thats what humans are. theyre not perfect by any means. ive done some morally fucked up things in the past, and i wont get into them because it was quite a while ago now. i think ive done those said fucked up things like at 12/13, and im almost 17 now. so its been a good few years.
@DonnerKebab yeah pretty much. i gotta make sure because youve been supporting so many people recently and i think its only fair that you get a check in too.
@toffuna101 the truth is, every 12/13 year old not only say's but also does some fucked up stuff and things. But it's extremely rare for somebody 16-17 to be remorseful for it, and actively take steps to pursue a life of meaning and volunteering, over pure pursuit of wealth in life. That's what makes you a gem of a person. Not that your perfect. not a single person is. But it's the steps you take that makes you a gem or not, and being remorseful and regretful at that age and taking steps volunterwise is what does make you a gem mate. it's the here and the now and most 16-17 year olds are still doing fucked up stuff and saying messed up things. You are the opposite at that age, making you a gem.
that was what i needed to hear thank you. but even now i still think about doing fucked up things. i just dont act on them because its wrong. @DonnerKebab
@toffuna101 cheers mate, I'll definitely have a sleep tonight, just been a busy few days even outside of the Mix. I appreciate you checking in on me about my sleep. And thanks for the kind words.
no problem @DonnerKebab
@toffuna101 it's natural for all people your age to have thoughts about doing fucked up things. It's the fact that you don't act on it and restrain those thoughts that makes you special. Having thoughts is not wrong. You can't control what you have thoughts about. It's whether you act on them that is what counts. I'm proud of you for having more self control than 99% of the people your age because honestly, the sorts of things i saw college classmates doing was quiet, obscene is the only word i could use to describe it.
TW
You are doing better than 99% of the people your age in being responsible, kind and having self control. As i said, a gem of a person.
damn some of your college classmates sound like arseholes. @DonnerKebab
@toffuna101 they were. Total assholes. And again, most aren't as bad, but do still do fucked up things or say fucked up things. That you are fighting off those thoughts, and planning for a future of purpose to have a positive impact, that puts you miles above the rest your age. You're a good person. Remember that.
thank you for checking in:) i am really not great but ill be ok - i am running on literally no sleep from worrying about whether or not the mix are breaking confidentiality over something so yeah i am exhausted atm but have 3 places to go today for appointments etc:( how are you?
thank you. youre a good person too. @DonnerKebab
@shannon_164 i'm really sorry to hear that shannon. No sleep is a bugger, and on a busy day too. I know this probably isn't the best place to talk about it, but if you want to vent about it all we could talk then delete the posts after a short while, if your worried about offending the mods or admins. You really do deserve a place to vent and get this all of your chest. You shouldn't have to worry so much over the Mix and confidentiality, and i'm sorry that they are being absolute pricks by the sounds of things to you. I'm here to vent to friend, and to remind you that you are still an awesome person, just in case you forgot. Good luck with your meetings later. An energy drink might help boost you to keep you going today possibly if you need it. That or coffee.
And I'm doing alright thanks for asking.
@DonnerKebab it’s ok, it’s easier for me just to keep quiet about everything - don’t wanna be accused in the wrong again either. once before i shared how i felt ignored in chat since everyone else was getting replies from others but all mine seemed to be sent with invisible ink. i shared how i felt ignored, i didn’t say it was anyone specific, as it was just a general feeling. what happens the next day? i get a message asking why i was directing hate at the mods… if i was, i woulda made sure the mods would have knew it was hate for them specifically but reality was, it wasn’t hate nor was it directed at mods specifically, it was me sharing a feeling. but sure it’s ok for someone else to say they feel ignored, the mix are ever so sorry and take accountability for that but me? how dare i. i witnessed someone else saying they feel ignored and it was all “we’re sorry you feel that way” blah blah blah but a different reality for me. i feel so unwanted for the most part in this community tbh.
to be fair, the staff member who responded to my email misunderstood then when i explained again what the situation is he then understood. he suggested safeguarding team would need contacted and he would need to talk to community team too. i immediately panicked as i don’t need it going further. especially because in one email he said “Shannon, we're not going to pass it on at this stage. There's not enough there for us to pass it on.” but the next said “ at this stage I'm fairly sure we won't need to pass it on. I wouldn't worry.” ofc i was gonna worry… i hate how services don’t like to communicate properly in such situations:( last time the mix involved the police, i had screenshotted the whole chat (it was when they had 1-1 webchat), im so glad i did. the police said that the mix told them i had a plan to end my life and was going to act on it, i did not at all say that and even let the police read the whole chat too as i’d screenshotted it and they even seemed confused about where the mix got that info from lol
i guarantee this gets edited by staff because how dare you share a negative word about the mix for people to see but i don’t care, im telling the truth about what happened n everything so yeah ahaha
as for the appointments etc - first one is with the psychologist, i am planning on telling her how i really feel about our sessions (i have wrote it all down) but i know she’ll be frustrated because ive wrote “i don’t know” to each of her four questions for this session. i genuinely don’t know though. i don’t even want to go see her:( the second is then with a youth worker, ive never met her before so kinda anxious about that but i think it will go better than im expecting tbh, its for 1-1 support with housing as she has lived experiencing of being homeless and ending up in supported living etc so im glad it will be someone who actually gets such situations, rather than someone telling me again to just go sleep then when i wake up it’ll all be ok (fun fact, after waking up, it was surprisingly not all magically fixed haha) and then the third is our wee graduation event thing with youth workers from another place as we completed a qualification a couple of months ago now so we’re going to get our certificates etc which i’m super excited about, but also really stressing about because it’s really the end - i won’t have the “well at least we have our celebration day” because we done that already or the “at least we have our wee graduation thing” because it will be over too soon:(
sorry for the super longggg rant!!!!!
honestly with the way that you support others including me in a lot of my threads you deserve to feel wanted in this community. @shannon_164