Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition)

DonnerKebab · June 10

@River how is that even possible 😂

River · June 10

@DonnerKebab pretty certain my teddies pushed it over

DonnerKebab · June 10

@River i think that's there way of saying they don't want to get sold if your still selling them from chats 😂.

Anyway, i just saw your post, and i'm writing a response to it. Won't be long.

River · June 10

Couldn’t face college again, just so done with everything 😕

Lottie5433 · June 10

i dont know how much ill respond today - nothing is okay ive just had enough. too many thoughts to even comprehend but i just have to push that all down and get on with life; pretend im the put together person, the one people rely on

Im done fighting. Fighting my thoughts, fighting my feelings and just fighting myself - its just a losing battle. I thought things were going okay but now they aren't. I dont know if its because in a few days it marks a year of me making a 'serious' attempt on my life or what. I just want to rewind the time. Go back to the end of 2023 where my eating disorder almost took me, where life just became too much to handle, where no one knew what i was going through, where the mask of pretending was very much held together. If only one (just one) attempt worked between then and now everyone would be happy. I just dont see a point in trying anymore.
Maybe if I can find a replacement for me at work, distance myself from everyone, push people aside so I dont hurt them; it will be easier for me to go. If i just go back to isolating myself and not letting anyone in it will make the decision/choice so much easier to make. Im just not cut out for any of this.

independent_ · June 10

Hugs @River and @Lottie5433 take care both of you

Lottie, those thoughts sound really overwhelming, and anniversaries are tough. I had a significant one recently and even though I am doing relatively well at the moment that was still tough, they can just bring all those memories back can’t they.

River · June 10

TW!! someone else has contacted me announcing there ending there life tonight 😭 idk what to do anymore

DonnerKebab · June 10

@River can you talk me through it? I'm probably the worst person to give advice but it beats nothing i guess.

DonnerKebab · June 10

@River if they've said they are going to end there life tonight, you have to contact emergency services. If they said they are going to, it's a must. Non negotiable. If they said that they are just having thoughts and struggling with thoughts, that's different. Direct them to a helpline, but if you think they are going to end there life at any point or say they are going to, you have to contact emergency services for them. Need to clarify this part straight of the bat. That's rule 101. Whoever it is. Friend, family. Doesn't matter.

River · June 10

@DonnerKebab already on phone to them reporting it 💔

DonnerKebab · June 11

@River great. You're doing the right thing. Their safety has to come first above all else. I know how difficult it might make things between you in future possibly, but they will be alive and well, and that's what counts. Your very brave for doing this.

DonnerKebab · June 11

@River i know you might feel nervous doing it, or scared even, but your being brave and possibly saving there life. Your friend might not see it right now, but you are doing the kindest and most caring thing possible for them.

River · June 11

They’ve just told me they’ve had multiple reports already of the same person, there gonna keep me updated, least we went a day without having to phone emergency services, the first time in 3 months that normally do it everyday but hey least we missed the other day cos we didn’t need to call

@DonnerKebab back to my streak of having to report friends

DonnerKebab · June 11

@River as hard as it is, you have to remind yourself the fact that your doing it because you care about them. It's not like ratting a friend out or grassing on them. It's possibly saving there life regardless of how it might impact your relationships. That is true friendship.

And you have to think of it like this.

Would you rather your friends be slightly annoyed but know your doing it out of care, or would you rather possibly be rang up in the morning to be told the worst had happened and live with the "i could have done this", or "i should have flagged it".

Sometimes, difficult acts like reporting a friend, they help to prevent a far more difficult future. I know you might feel guilt, or sadness about it, or even shame, but it's nothing compared to what you might have felt if you didn't flag it and the worst happened. I am very proud of you for having the courage to do that.

River · June 11

TW// suicide!!

I live with both of them issues, I’ve made so many online friends since I was 15 and most of them all ended there lives, I’ve had in person friends that ended there life. When I was in year 11 my closest friend at school messaged me at midnight saying bye because the friend group would bully him and I was the only one to stick up for him. I phoned police, my mum phoned police yet he still ended his life. 18+ friends since I was 15 have all ended there lives, some right in front of me. I live with both them regrets. I had a friend that would be suicidal every night and would tell me and I’d phone police and one day they didn’t tell me they were suicidal they just left this world

Everytime someone messages me saying they are planning something it puts me in the shittest position of do I call again and risk them not telling me next time or do I leave it and hope they don’t go through with it (I’ve had some friends say they would every night because they knew it would trigger and they never did anything, I’m now not in contact with them and they are still alive)

DonnerKebab · June 11

@River I've never had a friend, so i don't know just how painful that must be, but to go through all of that, to have that many friends do that, it must be unimaginable. I'm so sorry you've had to suffer through it all. But know that you're still doing the right thing by flagging it. Because each time you flagged your friends, that gave them a bit of extra time River. An extra day for your friend who went when they didn't tell you. By the sounds of it, if he had never told you that first day, if you didn't exist, he would have done it that very night. Instead, you did exist, flagged it, and it gave him extra time. And extra day of life. And one more thing River. You were the light of that lad in year 11's life, being the only one to stick up for him. You've made so many people over the years happy. And not all of them were able to be pulled out of depression and from that end, but you made life a little bit happier for them. Be proud of that.

And i completely understand why it triggers you. It would anybody. Wanting to avoid it happening again. That is just an enormous worry for you. But River, you are doing the right thing. At worst, you don't flag it and they go through with it, or you do flag it, it's stopped that day, only to happen the next day with them not telling you. It's a brutal place to be in, but you are 100% right to flag it. It gives them that extra bit of time. And that is precious.

I know it's not the same, but i've seen somebody die in front of me too. Car accident. A cyclist hit by a car. And it's heartbreaking. And that was a stranger to me. I can't even begin to imagine the agony of a friend doing it in front of you. I'm so sorry river. You are such a strong person for still pushing forward.

River · June 11

I’ll reply to the rest of the message tomorrow @DonnerKebab but just wanted to tell you that you do have a friend, you have me

and you can’t get rid of me XD

DonnerKebab · June 11

Thanks

Night @River , and good luck with the test tomorrow. You'll smash it.

eylah · June 11

what a fucking night

DonnerKebab · June 11

@eylah i'm here to talk to if you want. What happened?

eylah · June 11

thankyou @DonnerKebab its been a shit shit night and my fucking god its been to much lol

DonnerKebab · June 11

@eylah i'm here to vent to eylah. What happened exactly?

eylah · June 11

so so much shit. fucking pissed off. i just need to sleep

.

DonnerKebab · June 11

@eylah get as much sleep as you can eylah if your able, and we can talk about it all whenever you feel able to. Whether it's now or in the morning.

River · June 11

Really can’t do this today 😭💔 I’m already trying not to cry walking to the bus

River · June 11

Stopped taking my meds because doctors won’t listen so why should I bother and listen to them

toffuna101 · June 11

sending hugs to all (if comfortable of course)

Lottie5433 · June 11

Im just done with everything
I cant be doing this anymore i fucking hate everything
But have to pretend im okay
Don't want counselling today (going to quit afger this one i dont see a point in it) going to quit with everything

River · June 11

Completely failed the exam 😭

DonnerKebab · June 11

@River you still did yourself proud for trying. You made everybody here proud. You tried your best at it, and that's what counts. When do you get grades back?

Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition)

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